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By dragonfleyes Date: 2001 Jul 28 Comment on this Work [[2001.07.28.00.30.31368]] |
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its my last night here. and i cannot sleep. and i see peter sleeping next to me, and i cry. i see him at peace when he sleeps. i see him so beautiful, so quiet and away from everything that torments him. and i love him and this aching is not going away. its like i know inside of me that there is more, but then i ask why this pain then, why the necesary pain. i can't stop crying. it hurts too damn much. its like he is lying there, and i see this man who will exist years from now, somewhere else. just not now, and just not with me... i love him and i want him to be happy, and i want him to be everything that he possibly can be. but i need to be happy, and if hurting this much right now is going to somehow in the long run make both of us happy, then i need to do this. i just didn't expect this much pain. we barely kissed tonight, we didn't say anything much, just kinda packed and watched tv.... but i can't sleep, my brain won't stop, and the tears won't stop. it's like the tears come, and then my body shakes and my eyes close, as the pain shoots through me. now i'm waiting for morning, when at least i can leave, and maybe begin to heal and begin to remember why this is happening, night just makes it hard. |