By Galadrial
Date: 2001 Sep 10
Comment on this Work
[[2001.09.10.02.41.11679]]

For Some Reason

I found peace at 5:00 a.m.
my heart stopped twisting
like a cheap flag in the wind,
and since the leaving happened so long ago,
the pain was minimal.

I have faced a year
of quiet torment,
tears that had no solace,
precious little comfort,
my heart running one way
while my brain sprinted the other,
and now Fall is come again,
and asks the question
"where are you, woman"
and every year I have had an answer.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I am wife.
I am mother.
I am in love.
But this year I have no ready answer.
I do not know where I am,
or where I stand,
and one thought last night
handed me the key,
turned it in the lock,
then stepped back
as the door in my heart
swung open.
Jesus yes,
I am afraid.
But the time for waiting is done.
The time for excuses is over.
And for some reason,
win,
lose,
or draw
I will not be a fool
for a shiny rattle hung before longing eyes.
Fall is waiting for my answer,
and I must account to my own life
for the things I have done,
or failed to do,
and I will pay
for what I bought
with interest, and then some.
My whole life,
I have asked the price,
so I knew what I could afford.
Just once I acted on impulse
and know
that I will pay forever
for the heart's purchase.