By Du'Doll
Date: 2001 Oct 25
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[[2001.10.25.22.14.27141]]

All Emotions

I am trying to stay focused
Keeping the things that matter now
Making them important
School-grades
You-our relationship
Family-as honsest as I can be
Friends-real and less selfish
Religion-searching it for myself

I just don't know how I should feel now
I have many things rushing through my mind
I can't sleep
My mind won't let me rest
I have to worry about the future
It has to be planned out
So when the time is acctually here
I am ready, prepared
I am not scared anymore
Fear has no place in my world
I have love
I have life
What more could a girl want

Now I have to decipher things
What is right, what is wrong
What is moral, what is sinful
Is my father right, or my heart
Is this a punishment,
Or a gift from God
Does it matter who knows,
Or who loves enough to care
Am I strong enough,
What happens if I am not
How does he feel, the father
Am I his everything, his only
What if I can't satisfy him
Will his heart wander, to another
Can he love me for a lifetime
I don't just want a high school romance
Does he think of me as "the one"
Or am I just something he found
Over the summer

I know what I want
He knows what I feel
What I think about
I can't say the same
He says all the right things
Does he mean them
He asked me once
"Do you think you are the one for me?"
I wanted to scream "yes!!!"
But I didn't
That is something he has to decide
Something he has to know for himself

I know I sound emotional
I am trying not to be
But I know that I am
I am a woman
I am pregnant
I am young
I am in love
Of course I am all emotions...

But what does that mean?