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By Hedvig Date: 2001 Nov 15 Comment on this Work [[2001.11.15.09.10.22926]] |
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In-Laws, the blessing or the curse. Seems like it can go either way. Some you love to death, as if they were your own and others, you kind of just put up with and hope they go away. Being married as many times as I have, I certainly have been exposed to both types. Ah, the wedding is just months away. Things were just going too smooth I knew it I could feel it I've already met his parents. They seem really nice, told me I was sweet and for awhile there, I thought they meant it. They knew of our engagement and plans to get married in a few months. I had even planned to have his daughter as one of the bridesmaids. I was taking special consideration to his Mom and Dad in planning the ceremony and reception so they would not have to drive too far. How do I get repaid ??? Thanksgiving is coming up. My first one with him. His parents have invited him and his ex-wife and teenage daughter for the holiday. He asked them, if they would mind, if I came along. His Mom hesitated at first, then said, ok. I told him, nevermind, I will be spending this Thanksgiving with my ex and his family. A spur of the moment idea. He said ok, and called his parents back, to inform them that he would be attending, and that he and his ex would be traveling in his car together, along with his daughter.... or perhaps separately, since he has to go to work later in the evening, and she might want to stay longer. Obviously his parents are still trying to get him and his ex back together. Talk about meddlers. and what respect are they showing to him or his feelings? And what about my feelings ?? They obviously are not favorable to our marriage. Is this a good way to get things started? They are stepping forth on the right foot.... He told me that I am being too sensitive and that his ex-wife's parents died a long time ago, and that she has no other family to spend the holidays with. So it is tradition for her to always spend the holidays with his parents. OK.... I am really not sure how to deal with this I could be wrong, but oh well I told him how I felt, that my feelings were hurt, and that if my parents had invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them, and my ex, but didn't invite my fiance, that I would have declined the invitation altogether....that I would not even consider spending the holidays away from the one that I love. I told him that I would tell my parents that they were being rude and unthoughtful. But since he chose to go..... I told him, then go on. Now he is trying to back out of it, especially since I have changed the plans of who I am inviting to the wedding. I told him, that he can change plans, but then he will be sitting home alone on Thanksgiving, because I won't be here. I don't want a gift or sacrifice that did not come naturally from his heart. A forced gift, I would rather not have at all. I told him that his parents have obviously failed to teach him about empathy, and trying to feel what another person feels...... I asked him, if he would like to go with me, instead to my ex's parents house, where I will be, and spend Thanksgiving with us.... and that I could ask them if they would mind. I think he just might be starting to feel what I feel. His daughter, who is a tattooed, piercing freak, with rainbow colored hair, and a zillion neck chains and bracelets, has decided that she will be a bridesmaid, but refused to color her hair all one color, as her Dad requested. It would only be for one day. We even agreed to green to match her dress. But no, she now decided that she will dye it fireball red, with black tips. And the fact that she never calls him, unless she needs money, or wants a favor, for him to buy her something, take her somewhere, or do household chores for her and her Mom, you know.... cut the grass, paint the house, move the furniture, fix their car, etc.... I have brought this to his attention, and he said that he already knew. And when she snaps her fingers, he comes running, even cancelling plans that we already had. How many evenings and weekends has she ruined, because she got a wild hair, and wanted him to do something for her. He invited me for a movie and dinner one evening, and about an hour before we got ready to leave, she called his cell phone, and asked for a favor. He was gone in a flash, and took her to the restaurant that he had originally planned to take me. And then the matter of the wedding. I have quite a few changes in plans. I now have one less bridesmaid. Only my side of the family is invited. I decided not to invite his family. Why invite his brothers and sisters, who I have never met. I don't want complete strangers to attend. I was hoping to meet them during the holidays, which obviously is not going to happen. His parents don't want me in their family. They haven't said it in words, but they sure have in actions. My friends and family are throwing a big party after the wedding. That is, if there is still going to be a wedding..... . |