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By wistful Date: 2002 Mar 30 Comment on this Work [[2002.03.30.02.29.3134]] |
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The phone is significantly silent. She counts off the quiet in heartbeats, forcing her breath into slow, steady streams. In, out. In, out. This is crazy!! He won't call. He needs space. She loves him enough to give him that. But at the price of her sanity? Self-control was never her strong point. Well, rather, spontaneity and uninhibited expression are her strong points. And liabilities, now. She gathers her knees to her chest, hugging herself and gently rocking into a numb calm. He still loves me. He just needs to work some things out. She stares at the phone sitting before her. But he's in pain! She could comfort him. She could comfort herself, by calling him and . . . She stops herself just before picking up the handset. She sighs; how can she be so selfish at a time like this? He needs her to be strong; she can do that. And her strength can only be shown by keeping away from him, until his heart is free enough from pain to let her back in. Okay, she thinks. She'll pretend he is on some trip, where there are no phones, no internet, no regular mail service to send her a note; to let her know that he is okay. That they are okay. She realizes that in a way, he is on a journey: through past pain and disappointment, guilt and fear. And she cannot help him through this jungle. But she can be there when he returns. She stifles the almost thought of "if". That thought she cannot bear. Gently, she rocks herself into a numb calm. |