By Stephen
Date: 2002 Jun 03
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My Sweet Marianna

I'm drifting down the Mariana Trench of love again, and I've never understood
why I couldn't just refuse to sink. I exhale bubbles of regrets towards the lighted
world above like I always do, but they are never heard.

It's a mystical confinement, love is. Like the void of royal blue beyond me, I feel
deep and pressured, yet I restrain from an easily accessible escape. The cement
around my feet is at this point attached or realized and I give up at the sight of
nothingness. Sometimes it feels so cold down this thorough and I'll never predict
when i'll hit bottom, but I always do touch sadly down.

By this time the choking gasps for life my lungs and hurting heart desire are
evident. All I want is out, while at the same time just wanting the impossible
depth to be deeper than where I usually stop. I starve in loneliness from these
continual abyssal prisons. I need out. Clawing at my ankles drifting in crawls
across blank death. I feel like pure implode and all I want is the weight off my
frail body. How I survive this long I'll never know, but the cement block always
has cracked on it's own, no matter how much struggle is used.

Almost as with enjoyment, the hard as rock squares always release when the proper
time of torturing is over. I then learn all over again what pain it is to swim alone.
With reckless limb waving and frantic strides, I endeavor towards the faint
white ceiling. These trips seem to last forever. I cry like levels of depth and
systematically make new depression records every time I am working back up.

My surface lasts for mere seconds. I look for a world of bright innuendo calling out
for me. She's out there, and within my reach, I know she is. But this twist of seer
I'm caught sunken within leaves me serene and without ambition. The pathetic manner
in which I expel emotions allows for more unforgiving squares to cement me, and it is
in this vulnerable state I am left swallowed hungrily back into my own sea of tears.

If only I could swim.
If only I could live.
If only I didn't sink before I reached her shore.