Dregs are the sadness left in the bottom of the cup after a bitter love life drunk up. Dregs and running on empty ... Why were we always running on empty? Why, baby? Why did we always run until we needed the siphon-hose, the old gas can? We had choices! You wanted me to obey. I wanted to disobey and still be with you. But given the choices between freedom and entanglement, we all want to be freely entangled. So we made choices and played. Oh, and how I loved the time we took to play those games, and you teaching me how to fan the flames.
You hurt me. There was a time when I knew I was your: "darling," "lover," "dearest." Now I have faded, and you taunted me with names like: an "aggravation," a "void," a "memory!" Yes! Until you saw many others and learned what you had, really needed, what we could have forever lost. But my foolish heart was still clinging and crawling back to you and your addictive voice on the phone, "What are we having for dinner?""Anything you want," I breathe. Anything from me, a sinner. I was a dreamer then who hadn't healed. Watch yourself now! Come give your heart to an earthly goddess, baby. See what she can still do for you. Come set your soul on another journey with me. Wrap your arms around real love. But do it quickly, for fate is fickle, and her best temptations are few.
So why was I looking for answers today? Today, I went for a manicure. I thought perhaps someone else might look and kindly tell me the reason my fingertips don't seem to speak to you anymore. Long talks on a couch were never my style. Let's see if I want to believe someone else, when my hand is on a table. Let someone else read my palm and chart my course in love. Like looking at those dregs, baby.
Your little actress told you all along that all the accolades in the world could not take the place of the true love I craved. I need you to always hold my hand, not stand back and give me one. What a soap opera! During the time I thought we were deeply in love, there was a space when I was afraid of the end of each word, then every verse. I couldn't stand
for the installment, the chapter, none of it to end. Heaven knows, I couldn't take any endings. Not the chance of a series, any change, or going into syndication. I couldn't take someone always meddling with us. No! I needed a steady, dependable hero-lover.
I tried to make you understand all that; my real desires, and you did .... long after I finally settled with someone new. I learned new skills. This time, watch these fingertips. I learned to write what I need into the story line. You need to learn that skill, baby, or you'll always lose. Write a happy ending for our story this time, lover. Don't make me write you out of my life again.