|
By freakinsecret Date: 2002 Sep 20 Comment on this Work [[2002.09.20.15.17.7282]] |
|
you were wrong. we're not both grown adults here. how was i to know i'd get so aroused from my hair being pulled? we probably should not have bothered beyond that first fuck over a year ago. i think being played the fool for a year is long enough. you get more and more erratic. i never thought i would get strangulation bruises on my neck before i ever had a hickey. i had hoped when i found someone to explore anal sex with me, it would be done with a little compassion, discussion, consideration, and lube. i can't decide if i feel any more or less abnormal than i did as a 23 year old virgin. maybe i should just chalk this all up to experience and stop obsessing. i did wait 23 years for someone to come along that would have my virginity. i can wait a little longer for someone willing to kiss me. im tired of trying live with all this. its been entirely too strained a year, lying to my friends and myself. thanks for allowing me to play the whore with you for so long. but i can't take any more red light green light unless i know it's building to something in the end. i should know, of all people, how it feels to be performing sexual acts under coercion and a sense of obligation. and every morning i've felt like an idiot, trying to think of what i might have said or done that would have smoothed things out, made them a little clearer. wasting time and tears and energy. i should have never bothered. sorry. |