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By Daniela Date: 2002 Nov 18 Comment on this Work [[2002.11.18.23.03.22404]] |
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Nephrite My sister has a face of stone I read as a map Brown cold nephrite Enveloping blackened hardened veins Empty in the palm of my hand Translucent through the light of my eyes; They put this face on her A mother who never loved the father A father who only loves himself; And-- She doesn't know why she feels no love: Your mother never loved your father Your sister once darker than death; She doesn't know why she feels no loyalty: Smiling as I stand Defeated against her hardened edge Never straight, her answers Always twisted, her smiles Hugs and kisses feel like hate; I wonder-- Did not my face of red jadeite stone Stare back the same as her own? Piercing her heart as life pierces our own Sharp sliver of a stone Arrow laced immortal will: Of G-d and man; of truth and desire Of that which I could never name; I ask myself-- Is it the silence of our struggle Of three women, the fourth one dead Who's weight she now protests? Nephrite face speaks to me: A pressing stare, twisted smile, and love that feels like hate; I did not know-- That I could cause hate And I wonder-- Perhaps it is not me she hates per se But exactly my part in the play: Genius paradox Genetics and fate? Sealed and marked Our family creates; I ponder-- Maybe it was never jealousy, but anger-turned-hate: Sitting in the Lotus of her childhood Mistaking my journey for the Valley of the dead; Red marble stones: Fire that looks like ice; Gracious lakes with the fingers of a grasping hand: Holding a woman with a child; Maybe it is herself she resents, the author of her own fate Guarding her lotus as the temple of ten-thousand gates; Fearing the spirit world Innocence-turned-ignorance And-- Anger-turned-hate The trembling stone of your nephrite face Shatters and breaks; How is it that I look at my mother and see the eyes of my sister, and see the eyes of grandmother, but not my own eyes? Lost-- Maybe it is precisely because I am lost As you trace the lined and curved map behind your mask That you stare With hopes of breaking your eyes of nephrite rock Solving the riddle of the Chinese Bamboo Trap And finally, see my face, beyond mothers, beyond red jadeite, beyond the vast, starred sky. 12.15.98 |