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By Daniela Date: 2002 Nov 21 Comment on this Work [[2002.11.21.08.36.22018]] |
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Face to face becomes problematic for us... It started with the consequences of my actions -- the price I am paying for my childish, out of control, irrational, driven behavior. What did I learn? Well, just what you said before, one must consider how other people perceive you and your actions. Yes, it's a factor I threw aside when I was caught in the rage of our chemical reactions. I guess it's a matter of maturity. Imagine a fruit ripe and red on one side and green on the other. That was the image of my stage at the time. Of course, I always looked up to you for your strength and control when dealing with such things, with the "reality" of my behavior. Really. So. Things feel really messed up after all the time that has passed and I never apologized. As we know. And, do you really expect me to approach you EVER? After all that I've done? Really. Also, you never seem to acknowledge your own behavior from before. You were just an asshole from the beginning, and then you'll say that's my fault. Everything can not be my fault. I don't like this feeling I have now. Maybe because we seem to have a problem facing each other. Both of us. Another thing is that we both lack courage. Also, I feel that I have to work with what we have right now because you never seemed to want to be with me to begin with, it's hard to believe that you do now (you seem to have more than one name and you do have a tendancy to enjoy playing mind games). Where is that feeling coming from? o.k. That is all for now. Also, if by chance it really is you with the color hint of yesterday, am i suppossed to guess again? I mean really. It's crazy. This is the same way it was when I would actually see you on Fridays. Look in one direction, behave like another, say another. This is your tendancy I guess to go around things in different directions like a fire cracker when you feel something that isn't rational at that time. so. As you can imagine I am going through what feels like anxiety. I also didn't get much sleep last night. I also asked the blender-keeper to take my two poems of off the list that have hints of your name in the title because that is not fair. I didn't really think it was wrong until yesterday. So I am attempting to correct it. Hope you are o.k. I am sure you are. You are a tall and strong soldier. |