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By Chances are Date: 2002 Dec 12 Comment on this Work [[2002.12.12.20.40.3486]] |
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Friend called from the train station Said 'Come and pick us up' I missed that the us mean that there was more than one, That he'd brought her back. Took it for granted, part of the lingo I said no, I'll send him instead. Too busy with the housework right now. Friend was quite disappointed, no less. I greet them from the balcony. Stepping from the car, friend looks so happy I say jokingly, 'Oh, get married.' Didn't realize that she was sitting there as well. Goddamn. She steps from the car. Looks harmless enough. I knew she was known to you from the net. And no warning she's visiting, But no matter, I'm strong. And they come up and into the house. She's taking it all in, me, the stairs, the garden, the curtains, all inadequate. Stepping inside. Awkward silence. Friend reminds her of the tea she brought. She carries my daughter down the stairs. We sit there and enjoy tea. She runs her fingers through my daughter's hair. She knows about the little dog we lost. Since she's a friend from the Internet, I thought, yeah, she probably would. That dog meant the world to you, to us. The dog we got when we were having a family. She whispers something to the friend. Friend says, 'She wants to know where she's buried.' You tell him. And they go up the back to see. You tell me she thinks I'm beautiful. She pats the dog we have now when she comes back. Almost so shy. She can't look at me and I wonder why that is. I find out that she used to teach swimming To babies and little kids back in her home country. We finish our tea and go back up the stairs. She carries my daughter again, though there's no need. And now I'm starting to feel uneasy. Is there something I'm missing? There's something wrong, something doesn't belong. We go down to what was then his room, the study. I talk to her and tell her how much I love you Because I really had no idea that she loved you too. I just thought she's in a relationship with our friend, And to welcome her in was all I could do. I told her that I loved you so much And I told her, with open air, I loved our friend too Because he's always been there as someone to talk to And suddenly she couldn't understand. Cultural difference, excuses our friend as he enters. She brought a gift for our little girl. Excused that there was no gift for me. And all I could care was that something wasn't right here. But then wasn't the time for gift giving. Friend and she decided to go for a walk. Wanted to take little girl, but no way. They were going to insist, but I was concrete. Somehow I already needed back the stability That seemed to be slipping away from my fingers In their absence I cleaned like a mad woman. And they came back and the day went on. On returning, all she could do was pat the dog For about a half an hour, as if trying To put her mark on everything that was dear. And as I gave my daughter a bath, she came in And basically took over. I wasn't angry because I couldn't understand what was happening. All I knew is by then I was shaking. Got the little girl dressed, time for gift giving. I suggested it first. Didn't know why it carried significance. And sat daughter down on friend's bed in the study Where she and friend were and said 'Now would be a good time,' Since waiting for this was somehow killing me. I even went and got the present Uneasily leaving her with them for 5 seconds. There was a card with the gift. I'd seen it on top before, with pretty roses. They showed her the card, with the pig on the back. I said, having missed it, 'What was that'. Friend showed me another card with the same picture. Halfway through the unwrapping I suddenly lost it Grabbed my baby, said 'I just can't do this.' Didn't know, didn't know, just ran to the car and drove. Had no fuel, but drove to my parents house. No one home, so I went to the pastor's. He thought I was mad. I surely was. Completely insane, not knowing what Was going on in my pee brain. Not to worry, never to mind. He leant me some money to get back home. I'd forgot everything on the way and believed in God. That night she stayed. In friend's bed, And far away from me. They accused, said 'You made her really uncomfortable.' I felt dreadful, and like I'd somehow been a bitch. But still, massive insecurity. That night my baby slept in bed beside me. And so on for nights afterwards, Till I felt the danger had passed. |