|
By Chances are Date: 2003 Jan 28 Comment on this Work [[2003.01.28.05.04.22783]] |
|
I believe in following your own heart and loving. I believe in acting with compassion and sincerity. I believe in taking chances for reasons. I believe in being careful for others and caring for others. I believe in being gentle. I fail. I have to remember, I sometimes succeed. When I met my husband I found out his mother ran a brothel - outcalls. I was shocked, but open minded. Young and stupid. I met prostitutes. My father found out what she did while I was still living at home - via the newspaper. Things haven't been the same between my father and I since. Too many ugly fights. We had recently lost my mum. I gave his mother with respect and love. She was a unique individual, and I tried. I did not marry her son until she stopped her business. I did not want to start a family with a grandmother who ran prostitutes. She then about having affairs with her son's friends. She would ask about our sex life in front of them. Her son has a step-brother. He murdered the best-friend of his partner. Stabbed her repeatedly while she protected a child, and his partner, locked in the bathroom with their child. Meanwhile, mother lives on state welfare. Hubby runs unprofitable hobby business. I work for a minimum wage - the main family income. Welcome everyone. Of course we can swing you a loan. What car repair? It runs, 'it'll still get you to work'. Never mind the safety factor. Yeah, it's way past time to pack up and leave - enough pack and fuck horse, show pony. When mother died last year, I found she'd spread lies to friends and family because my husband did not let her take our child to stay with her every time she asked. Don't mind our marriage is falling apart while you sit and make your nose oh so pure. Thankyou so much, mother. Judge me! See if I fucking care! How do you hold onto the dream through all this and more? Somedays I can barely care enough to walk through this life/knife and do more than breathe and dance. And then this little three year old monster comes and rips me out of my shits and lets me know what my life's really about. I was never happier than when I was pregnant with her life in my belly. As for the rest, I can take it or leave it. She's all I'm holding onto. |