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By Trout Almondine Date: 2003 Feb 09 Comment on this Work [[2003.02.09.16.03.20686]] |
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Choking on an ice cube? Don't panic! Simply pour boiling water down your throat and the blockage is instantly removed. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop. No Date? Use an aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps for an inexpensive vibrator. Date not tickled? Who needs expensive 'ribbed' condoms! Pull out an ordinary one and insert a handful of frozen peas before slippimg it on. Bored by fish? Putting some gin in your goldfish bowl makes their eyes bulge and they'll swim around in a most amusing manner. Need a lift? Avoid arguments about the toilet seat by pissing in the sink. High blood pressure? Cut yourself, bleed a bit, and watch it drop as you drip. *Bad cough? Take a hefty dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough. |