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By Lulu Date: 2003 May 02 Comment on this Work [[2003.05.02.19.22.12956]] |
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I dreamt about you.. I dont think I've ever done that. I've always had so much respect.. so much love.. so much admiration towards you.. and then it all turned to blind hatred. Just like that.. I found out about all the lies.. all the drugs.. all the stealing.. I found out about almost everything and just like that I hated you. I missed you for a while.. I knew I hadnt seen you in a few weeks.. but then the weeks turned to months.. and pretty soon I was lucky to see you twice a year... I just didnt understand why. At that time... I didnt understand that I had been replaced with weed and a few beers. After I found out.. After all the lies and all the confusion was laid bare.. I knew I hated you. I knew I couldnt stand to look at you.. which was ok..because you never cared enough to look at me. But after a while.. You straightened up.. You got clean.. You still avoid me.. You still lie..and haven't made any attempt to apologize or stop lying.. But after a while..Its hard to hate you. Its hard to love you, true... But its even harder to hate you. It hurts to love you and be lied to.. but Its so hard to hate you. I'm starting to miss you.. I never thought I would do that.. but I am. I have never stopped loving you.. Well ..the you I used know.. But I made myself hate you.. To spare my soul the damage. After a while..It builds up.. I wish I could run away from you.. From all of this.. All of them.. Just to set myself straight.. but I cant run forever. So now..Ill deal with the truth.. Ill deal with the fact that After everything ..I still love you... and try to stop fighting with myself.. Maybe I need to let go.. Maybe I'm in love with someone..whos no longer in existents .. there I go..fighting with myself again. |