By Colin
Submitted by Anonymous One
Date: 2003 May 05
Comment on this Work
[[2003.05.05.18.02.24065]]

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The question came upon me one night while I was lying in bed; what is love and why do people suffer when love is lost. Perhaps this was brought on by the recent departure of my better half, but it boggled me nontheless. I kept thinking about it, started to jot some ideas down on a piece of paper, and came to a semi-conclusion.

ON LOVE

Many people have their own definitions of what love is. There are many kids of love, love for a person, and object, or even a situation. The kind of love I'm talking about is the love that most people search for, the love between two individuals. Also, everyone thinks differently on the subject of love between to people, there are many different ideas involed but these are my opinions on what makes love.

First of all for love to take place there has to be a relationship between two individuals (not necessarily male and female these days). From there, through time, the two people will become more aware of each other. Through social interaction they discover each other's good and bad traits. Once that is done and they are both satisfied with what they have discovered, a relationship begins. If the two people start to spend more time together, and if they start to care about each other, they start to get a sense of who each other really is. The basis for love is trust. If one cannot trust a person, one cannot open up to that person without feer of them letting that secret out. The sharing of secrets is a very intimate thing, especially secrets about ones self. That, in it's self, is a sign of caring. It's a sign that one of one, or both of them have decided that each other should know everything. Once that is completed and all goes well, there appears a comfort zone. The feeling inside which tells them what is right and what is wrong to do and say around each other. A person will begin to sense when the other is feeling basically any emotion. From there they are each able to comfort each other, to say the right words when times are hard. That brings a person the feeling of importance, that you are needed to help when problems arise. One feels that because of the joy it brings when he or she has been uplifted by their partners words without verbally admitting that something has gone amiss. Now that thye know each other are able to comfort and help out, the security blanket is flung around them. This blanket wards off the fears of being alone, of being unwanted and unimportant. A part of their life is fullfilled when they find your place in a relationship as in society, such as getting a job. In time, the comfort zone will be burst open. They will find that through caring, your most embarrasing attributes, will seem like normal everyday things to each other. They become confident with their bodies, their hygene, and almost everything about them. This is where I believe love takes its' role. To me, love is when a person is able to pick their nose in front of their significant other and feel normal, when two people are able to take a shower together and feel completely comfortable with it, when nothing is embarrasing, and all is well. That's what love is.

To better understand love, you can compare it to something that's more of an everyday occurance. What I've found most compatible with love is the consumation of alchoholic beverages. In other words getting drunk. Love is like a alchohol, when you have it in your system, nothing seems to matter any more, all your troubles are washed away. When you are without it, you go on with your daily life and are troubled with the question of who you are. Sometimes love is tainted with evil. One person may love another, but the other may not. There can be lies and unfaithfullness which leads to a breakup that will bring you down. Just as, when you drink, there could be a time when you get a hangover. Your head aches, you are incapable of doing your daily tasks. Then, the next time the oppurtunity to get drunk is upon you, you wonder if you should drink this time. Just as a person will feel unsure about getting into another relationship with the fear of a heart being broken again.

ON BREAKUPS

Have you ever wondered why you miss someone so much after you break up with them, or why it's so hard to get over a person, especially after a long relationship? Even if the relationship was bad there is still a good chance you will feel sorrow after the loss of a bf or gf. Why does this happen? Well I have a few thoughts on the subject that I'd like to share.

First of all, if someone cheats on you then obviously you are going to be sad because you realize that he or she really didn't care that much about you. This pain though, is only temporary. If the feeling persists, perhaps there are more variables involved that causes this to happen.

When you go out with a person, especially for a long time, and if you love that person, there are many reasons why you would feel down. As I explained above with love, those same things that made you fall in love, are the causes for your sadness. When that security blanket is taken away from you, it seems as though you are very vulnerable. Even if your friends are there to help you, a big part of your confidence is lost. There is the feeling of loneliness, as if there is no one there that can help. There is no longer someone there for you who will know just what is on your mind and what to say. The intimacy is gone and physically you feel deprived. The sensation of being wanted, being a big important part of someones life is lost and your self-esteem drops. You think, perhaps there was something I could have done to prevent it from happening when in reality, there was nothing you could have done. There is NEVER anything you could have done to prevent something. If it happens, it happens. It's what you do AFTER something happens that decides your fate, not what you could have done.

If you have a friend that has just gone through a big breakup the best thing to do for him or her is to just listen. Get them to talk and offer support. The more a person talks about something the more it's released from their system. When I go through a bad breakup, all I really want is a hug and a reminder that I do have friends and that they will be there for me, no matter what happens. You really have to watch what you say to a person at a time like this because their thinking becomes very negative. Don't say something like, "well at least you're single now". If the person wanted to be single they would have done the breaking up and he or she would be happy at this point. Don't bash on the persons ex, it will only cause more drama. The best thing to do for a friend, is to say something to the point of, "I know you're hurting, and I understand why. If you want to grieve, I'll be there to grieve with you". It's as if that person has hit a barrier in life, you can't be the one to blow the barrier away, but you can be there to light the fuse.