I have so little reading material on the boat, but I'd been reading about Hollywood body doubles lately. I don't know if I should tell you this, but I am Helen's ka, and the reason Ulysses spent so many years away from devoted weaving Penelope. I wonder if these tabloids would like to know how he sailed for years with me as his cabingirl. Well, the crew knew ...

I know, I know, you never heard this side of the story. Can you blame him? I mean, Helen goes home after his team wins, and what's left for me? You know about Helen, the gal every man would leave home for to go fight a war. Now he's mentioned hoisting the sails to go see what an oil well looks like. So, I'm trying to restock the galley. He's so not into plundering stores anymore.

Penelope probably stocked lots of new sewing materials when she heard THOSE oil well plans. I wouldn't be surprised if he sails back in this next time to find she's sold out to Disney. By the way, would you lay a bet on that horse? U had said poor Pen had asked him to build her a new vanity, and he was always too busy ... but look at THAT horse! I feel a bit sorry for her, but I digress ...

Well, back to me before I need to get back to stocking U's galley. I always had this thing for cute Greek kings, and Ulysses was no slacker. So, back to my story, since you know his -- don't you? I've gotten hauled here and there by spells, why not take a cruise? Mind you, there were some awkward moments, but old U is one fine sailor ... ummm, better than old Sailbad the Sinner ... but that's another story.