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By carol Date: 2003 Jul 05 Comment on this Work [[2003.07.05.10.46.32437]] |
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i messed up. and for months i have been trying to pick up that phone and call to say why, and to exsplain the best i could and i got that courage that i had been looking for i found it and i call u only to be hung up on i should have known after all that i did u wouldent want to talk that forgiveness isent always poible, but then part of me was hopeing that u could be the adult that i never could be in our friend ship and that u would listen but u dident so here is what i wanted to tell u catherine: its been really hard to pick up the phone and dail ur #.. but i guess i have all these things to say to u and if i dont get them out i'm going to go crazy. i know that i lied.. and if u want the truth i cant say why i lied to YOU about it.. i mean we hit it off so well, even the first day we talked. it was like we had known each other for a lifetime.. u dident act like u had any exspectations to what i had done in the past.. maybe i just wanted to sound old.. and it was selfish of me.. i just want us to get along. i could tell right away that we could be great friends, and i think u did to. but i did lie.. and i did things u dident agree with.. i only wanted u to let me be who i was and not try to be u. and on one subject u did try to make me think the way u did.. and came pretty close to it if u want the truth.. but thats not really how i think.. and i dident want to pretend to think what i dident, i had lied anough already. i'm sorry for all the pain i caused. for hurting u. lieing to u.. makeing u think things that werent true. but theres nothing i can do about it now.. i mean it is done. i have no way to go back and change it, if i did i would. but there is nothing i can do. i dont exspect forgiveness.. i only wanted u to know how i felt.. u were always someone i could talk to about what i felt and thought... well i guess i dident get to say it to u catherine. but atleast its out... thats better then nothing.. i just hope u do see this... |