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By libs0813 Date: 2003 Sep 19 Comment on this Work [[2003.09.19.17.21.24003]] |
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it had been days since we last talked. i had to keep my dignity on sticking to our plan, that this was all a game. so you left. i knew it was over coz the phone had been silent so i started packing the things you left. your toothbrush. your slippers. your marlboro's. playstation games... and some cd's. i missed you in my bed. you can't sleep right after nookie and i suppose i got from you that need to hear some music to get to sleep. but alone, i couldn't sleep. 3:00 AM when i heard air supply playing, i could feel my eyes welling up. i never liked that band, never. but their words of pleading sound like mine. but i never cried. i don't want to confirm that i love you, by crying. but i guess having three hours of sleep daily made me realize you really happened to me this summer. not a fling, though i only wanted to be flung when i met you. but no i don't want to admit that my intentions backfired when yours didn't. the phone finally rang, but it wasn't you, but your roommate. it's his birthday bash tonight and i couldn't say no. or i didn't want to. i guess i wanted to see you without giving you the satisfaction that i initiated seeing or being in touch with you. that would be too much boost on your bloated ego. but your words, that made me give up and are still sharp when i replay on my head, are now gone for a moment that i see that smile on lips shining with bacardi and coke. how can i want to kiss those lips that would only hurt me when i give in to love and all its complexities? standing behind the bar, you opened another bottle of beer, for me, and i can tell you're doing that thing again - blowing smoke rings on my direction. laughing at my silliest jokes. it's like day one all over again. a part of me wants this to happen again, out of longing, out of craving for every inch of your body. and then, there's this other part, this part you haven't seen coz you wouldn't like it. if only i can stop right us right here before we regret it because i think... i think i have a tendency to love you. if only. |