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By j. knipp Date: 2003 Sep 27 Comment on this Work [[2003.09.27.02.06.21114]] |
| I wished so many times for that rapid band-aid pull end. Then again I think back at how so many did me that way and the shock and surprise hurt more... I don't know when my heart will heal now. I do know that you have been a pillar in a life and even your absence you have made me stronger I will persevere I know sometimes you think that I might come apart. There was times when I thought that might be the case. I use to deal with these things in my heart by removing my heart. Pretending I was uncaring stone. In the long run anyone could tell me that this is more detrimental. And I think of they way you subtly changed that disposition. My heart could no longer beat in this stone form, and you softened it. You softened with me with your grace, your kindness, and your silly/lovely sentimentally. So now I am an enormous gush at your dictation. This I don't mind. Still there lingers in me that steel nature but now it's mixed with your full benevolence I think that either one alone can be weak but now I am both. I can't say that I will go on now without a trace of doubt or sadness. Please, please do not feel selfish in your act. And I beg your forgiveness if I made this decision of yours so long in the making. I just think of love in the full on romantic sense still that love survives any hardship that love is full of sacrifice. Some of that new age idea filters through though and I realize that there is many loves in your life and that mine conflicts with yours and it is of me very selfish to be in your life when it threatens those other loves. I realize that the pain I cause you can be no love. I do feel though, I still do, that you must be, at least in close proximity, what a soul mate is to me. Know that my soul has never yawned wider with anyone else. I and I would be so very sad not to have your companionship in my life. Because I realized and this is something I need to rectify I am so isolated at times from these people around me. I don't feel I can confide in any of them I don't feel that my self can truly shine through to any of them. Only you. I thank you so much for being there in my time of need. I have told you this before but let me say again, you were so healing so vital In my life at a time I was so unhappy so wrought with tragedy that I thought you an angel. Damnit I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore. It would be unfair of me now to turn on around and give back to you so much stress so much pain. That would not be love. |