NO LONGER DREAMING

Even as I enjoy the comfortable things around me, I crave you. It has always been that way for me. I see something that reminds me of someone, not the thing in particular anymore. Life could be filled too much with only memories IF I let it. Each thing around me that I've saved is a memory of someone who was living and breathing with me at some time. There is a point where I need to leave the comfortable things and feel your arms around me again. It keeps me alive. It keeps me in love. I like the energy from love.

I find there is not always the comfort in love as two beings collide, but the energy is worth the exploration of feelings, even misuderstandings to get cleared. Certainly the time looking into your eyes and finding reassurance works for me. I had been afraid to try and love again. I'd been wary of what it would take to step out and deal with another because of the fear of disappointment that we'd be too different. Instead, I've found one so much like myself that I've learned more about myself as we share our lives together. I came so close to missing this opportunity at happiness. Thankfully, I listened to my heart and your words and not to others with their fears and disappointments. After all, this is about us, not old comfortable things, past memories or others.

Only our written words pass these observations down to others. Somehow I find more comfort in them than anything else over time. We've never changed what we've said or pledged to each other in our words. The cup I held will be cold after I am gone. The quilt I made will only hold the body heat of the new user. The tree I planted will offer shade but not the story of why I put it there for us to enjoy together. The young couple holding each other under it will be looking into their eyes and not remembering us any more than we did those before us. They should. Should we try and tell them that?

So let us find comfort now while we can with each other no matter where we are or what we are doing. It is you I want, not the past or the things from it with memories not ours. I am more alive and happier with you with a paper cup and plates than with the finest china. We dance across the street at traffic lights happier than at the fanciest dress balls. We have more fun laughing together than all the funny scenes we see at the movies.

We've learned important lessons with each other. We are not lost in old memories, wistfulness or regrets. Nor too busy seeking comfort in familiar things. We are not afraid to live life fully with each other. We always make life what we want, and that is what life should be about. No wonder love comes easy for us and provides all the comfort we need. We are not afraid of reaching out and holding each other close and closer. Hugs, kisses and passion come easy after that. I love you. Thank you for loving me.

(c) 2003 Rennie Lorca