By punktearz
Date: 2004 Jan 11
Comment on this Work
[[2004.01.11.18.38.19011]]

Pain

So much has happened over the last year
And I know we had our share of problems
But I want to start over
Everyone tells me to forget about the past
For some unknown reason I can't
I remember everything, the good and the bad
But most of all I remember the fights
The stupid things I said
And all the things you never heard
Because I was afraid to tell you
But just know if I could
I'd go back and fix everything

Last year you were such a jerk to me
And I know I deserved it all
This year you seem so nice
But do I deserve this
I poured my heart into the last year
Wondering what I should do
I'm still unsure
I actually thought it was fate
That we were really meant to be
But its not, is it
Because you'll never feel the same way as I do

I thought we had a lot in common
But then I realized
We don't know anything about each other
I know I would take the time to really get to know you
But can you say the same
Would you really want to get to know me
Could we really start over
Can we seriously be friends
But in the end I know
I'll rune everything
Just like always

I see you everyday at school
In the hallways, on my way to class, at lunch
Everywhere I look, you're there
I used to wish you'd come around the corner
Just so I could get a glimpse of you
But now for me, school is hell
Everyday I wish not to see you
Because it now pains me to look at you
I promised myself I wouldn't let you hurt me again
I broke that promise
I'm letting you get to me

But I don't want anyone to know
The affect you have on me
But it's to late
Everyone can see
You're dragging me into a world
A world of darkness and pain
I realized loving you hurts me
Sometimes I feel
This pain is going to kill me
I cannot keep living in this world of pain
No one can erase what I'm feeling
But know that you're the only one
Who makes me feel this way

When you look my way
Do you see right through me
Like I'm not even there
But when I look at you it's hard for me
Because I'm looking at what I can never have
I know what I want
I know what I can't have
And that's you
What did I do to deserve all this pain
I can't hid it anymore
It's slowly killing me
Pulling me farther into darkness
And farther away from everything that matters

Sometimes I actually believe
That I have a chance with you
But I know I never will
You've made that clear
I know we aren't meant to be
But still I can't get over you
And I have tried
But time doesn't change anything
It only makes things worse
Is there such a thing as happily ever after
Or is that just in fairytales

I want to tell you everything
That's been inside my head
For so very long
But when I try
My mind hit's a roadblock
Draws another blank
When it comes to you I'm shy
I get butterflies
And I've waited for so damn long
I guess I'll be waiting until time ends
But don't worry, I don't need your sympathy

All this pain I cannot bare
My cries for help can no longer be heard
I don't know what to say or do anymore
This pain is driving me crazy
But I can't pretend I don't feel the way I do
Yet you say I have no self-confidence
Well guess what, its true, I don't
But I wonder why...
All theses feelings are overwhelming
Confusion and pain
Depression and sadness
Love and hatred

Everything is so complicated, so overrated
But this is reality
There's no escape
Time's flying past us
Broken promises don't make it easier
If you don't know what to say
Maybe you should sit down and think hard
Then just maybe you'll realize something
You'll finally have something to say
Or maybe you have realized something
But you're afraid to tell me

No one knows what they have
Until they lose it forever
One day you might realize what could've been
But by then it might be to late
When it comes to our final goodbye
I'm not sure I will be able to let you go
Will you remember me
Or will I just be a forgotten memory
I'm trying to find the right words
To let you know exactly how I feel
But for some reason I cant
Just know that I'm sorry for everything
Most of all, know that I did love you