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By darwin Date: 2004 Feb 04 Comment on this Work [[2004.02.04.13.53.14785]] |
| i seemed to be easily hypnotized by counting things, shadows of light posts, lines in a sidewalk, seconds as they tick themselves by. sometimes I could sit for hours facing a ceiling, counting the lines of tiles back and forth, horizontal vertical sideways backwards and up. but really more than anything, it's just the concentration I can put into it. the mind just processing simple equations and numbers, counting, rather than think about you or anything of matter. I'd rather be numb some days, I'd rather not feel my toes on a cold day. I'd rather know that my fingers don't burn when they touch fire. but they are aware of all of those. they know what hurts. so they look for them, just like my heart always looks for that hurt. that constant search for the pain and heartbreak that it was so used to. "the lonely nights" we all eventually have to deal with, and the questioning of fate and the world. but hey it's life isn't it? it's not supposed to be pansies and roses, we aren't supposed to walk on sidewalks of flower petals and swim in clear blue waters. sometimes there's waste, and sometimes we live in sewers and we smell their past smells on our skin. we wash our ourselves and hope that we wash away memories, but all it seems we can do is wash away hope. but i have hope, i have love and i have memories. but it's not the butterscotch marshmallow dream memories, it's the ones where we argue and then we spend a night making love to each and other and touching. just for the sake of touching. realization, that life isn't just lived in a back alley, it's lived when you realize hope doesn't always shine with the sun, sometimes, it even shines at night. |