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By Sexy Dan Rather as compiled by Brent Bozell Submitted by Lolly Gaggin Date: 2004 Sep 18 Comment on this Work [[2004.09.18.11.38.15477]] |
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20 Years On the CBS Evening News: Dan's Daffy "Ratherisms" "We could be in for a long night with the Senate battle as tight as a Botox smile." "Polls closed one-half hour ago in Arkansas. We can tell you that race is crackling like a hickory fire." "A big win for the Republicans, and they'll be breaking out the longnecks in Republican headquarters in Texas and elsewhere, not to mention the White House itself, although Lesley [Stahl] says they pop the caps only on Dr. Pepper ten, two and four there." -- CBS's election coverage, November 5, 2002. "Now Florida, that race, that race, the heat from it is hot enough to peel house paint." "I can hear some people at home saying, 'Whoa! If the electoral vote count is now what Dan Rather and CBS News says it is, 121 for Bush, 119 for Gore, it seems to me just a few minutes ago Bush had a long lead.' His lead has evaporated and been melted faster than ice cream in a microwave, what's happening here?" "Now remember Florida is the state where Jeb Bush, the brother of George Bush is the Governor, and you can bet that Governor Bush will be madder than a rained on rooster that his brother the Governor wasn't able to carry this state for him." "Bush has had a lead since the very start, but his lead is now shakier than cafeteria Jell-O." "Then in Tennessee, now Al Gore may be as cross as a snapping turtle about this Tennessee situation because it's his home state." "Bush is sweeping through the South like a tornado through a trailer park." "Pennsylvania drops for Gore, 23 electoral votes, and for the first time tonight, mark it, if you're in the kitchen, Mabel, come back in the front room, 145 for Gore, 130 for Bush, 270 needed win." "His [Gore's] chances are slim right now, and if he doesn't carry Florida, slim will have left town." "The presidential race still hotter than a Laredo parking lot." "I have to say, though, and I don't mean to be flip about it, that I think you are more likely to see a hippopotamus coming running through this room than you are to see Governor Bush appoint Nader to the Cabinet." "Sip it, savor it, cup it, photostat it, underline it in red, put it in the album, hang it on the wall, George Bush is the next President of the United States." -- During CBS News coverage of election night 2000. "Ken Starr and his people have been working for three to four years, spent more than $30 million, they've used dozens if not a hundred or so FBI agents. They may have turned this up, whether you had the Paula Jones case or not. But again maybe not, but again that's like if a frog had side pockets he'd probably wear a handgun. It didn't happen that way." -- On February 5, 1998 Late Show with David Letterman. "Democrats and Republicans are nervous as pigs in a packing plant over these returns because the polls have closed and we don't know the results....Now, if you're in those states where the polls are open, let me encourage you to vote. And of course, if you're in a state where the polls are closed, let me encourage you not to vote. It's illegal." -- November 3, 1998. "Charles Schumer is one of the stunners of the night. This race was as hot and squalid as a New York elevator in August." "The call is just in for the South Carolina Senate race. This was one of the cardiac arrest time races. This thing was nasty enough to gag a buzzard. But it turns out that Fritz Hollings, the veteran Democratic Senator, has held on to win." -- During CBS News's election night 1998 coverage. "I think you're more likely to see the Pope ride through this room on a giraffe." -- On the possibility of a CBS News cable channel, to Philadelphia Inquirer TV writer Gail Shister, February 18, 1997. "In New Hampshire, closest Senate race in the country, this race between Dick Swett and Bob Smith is hot and tight as a too small bathing suit on a too long car ride back from the beach." -- During CBS News 1996 election night coverage. "Well, in Texas they have a saying: 'That's a good way for Momma to drive a Cadillac,' which is a way of saying that if you play with one of these things, particularly if you are in a low-water area. I would say, Harry, this morning there must be lot of people who are in that let's-have-another-cup-of-coffee-and-not-worry-about-it stage. And I agree with that. That's the stage to be in." -- On CBS This Morning co-host "Double T trouble. T is for Thelma, T is for Tennessee, and T is for big trouble tonight." "A lot of tight Senate races out there. Let's hit those chips with another dash of salsa, Ed Bradley." -- During CBS News 1994 election night coverage. Rather Gettin' Down: Rather: "Some days I say 'Why is he [Clinton] doing that?' or 'Gosh, can he do it a little better?' But it may be time to, sort of as you say, chill. We know when it comes to politics and governing, whatever you think of this President, whether you voted for him or not, he can hang -- which is to say he can do it-" Arsenio Hall: "See! See! Dan is deep, ain't he? Dan in the Hood!....I thank you for being here. You're a special guy. And I hope whatever you have is contagious." -- Exchange on The Arsenio Hall Show, January 28, 1993. "Mr. Clinton was about as relaxed as a pound of liver." -- Referring to his earlier interview with Clinton, January 20, 1993 CBS This Morning. "If an American inauguration can't bring a lump to your throat and a tear to your eye, if you don't feel as corny as Kansas in August, maybe you need a jump-start and some vitamins." -- During inauguration coverage, January 20, 1993. "It will be so exciting as to make the wax pop out of your ears." "There's material here that will make their fingernails sweat." "Texas...another of the so-called big enchiladas, or if not an enchilada, at least a huge taco." "This woman has gotten a very bad rap, Hillary Clinton. It is true that she's smart. She didn't go to school just to eat her lunch." "While the Clinton-Gore campaign was as unstoppable as say, a Beethoven symphony..." -- During 1992 election night coverage. "I'd like to leave you with the words of that popular, secular, patriotic hymn: 'Long may our land be bright with freedom's holy light.'" -- Approaching tears at 2am EST on election night 1992. "Now, walking down the red-carpeted staircase, President Bush, President Gorbachev, with Gorbachev's interpreter in between. You can just see at the top of your picture that huge chandelier, almost 4,000 pounds. It's the older sister of all chandeliers." -- Dan Rather before START treaty signing ceremony, July 31, 1991. "Stay with CBS now for more news, including: Is there a pall over the mall as holiday shoppers think small?" -- December 2, 1991. Gorbachev's Great Eyes: "He has, as many great leaders have, impressive eyes...There's a kind of laser-beam stare, a forced quality, you get from Gorbachev that does not come across as something peaceful within himself. It's the look of a kind of human volcano, or he'd probably like to describe it as a human nuclear energy plant." -- Quoted in the May 10, 1990 Seattle Times. "I wouldn't touch that line with a 12-foot pole, which as you know is a pole I reserve for those things that I certainly wouldn't touch with an 11-foot pole." -- Response to whether he had a favorite candidate for President, election night 1990. "Let's go down to Texas and let me show you actual votes in and tabulated. This was a race considered so nasty it would gag a buzzard....This race is so close that everybody's having a 4,000-calorie attack down there." -- CBS News election night coverage, November 6, 1990. |