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By darwin Date: 2004 Oct 05 Comment on this Work [[2004.10.05.13.48.2047]] |
| we talked about moving to seattle. i have never been there, but you were there once with the woman you lost your virginity to, who was 10 years older. and i wonder about the memories you would have if we were there. you tell me that you had the most amazing pork chop ever out there, while sitting out on a patio, the breeze coming off the sound. but i wonder how those memories would be next to the ones i have everyday. i can't pass a street corner, hear a name, smell someones cologne, or drink coffee without being assaulted by your predecessors. yesterday i saw a blue van, and i thought of the one night i followed one home. he had a dog named buddy, after buddy guy, a rhodesian ridgeback. cramped into a small two bedroom four family unit. he lent me his robe for the night, and then i never saw him again. my name was too painful for him to say, he said, a former lover of his. then there is the coffee shop i haven't gone to since i met you, there i played a game of chess that ended over a glass of wine and the tumbling of naked bodies. he said he was busy after that, and i also never saw him again. somedays it is too much, and i wonder how much you really want to know of what i have all done. the nights where i had to find someone because i couldn't be alone, the thought frightened me. i just wanted my voice to be heard, and not the one i speak with, but the one that is my head. the one that can be cruel and compassionate, cold and loving, sensitive, overly sensitive to someone elses approval. you're approval. but i have that, now i wish i could just let these goes, and i think a move to seattle might do me well. new streets to remember, walking down them with you. new coffeeshops where i can remember looking across at you. not following you home, but going home, with you. |