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By darwin Date: 2005 Mar 22 Comment on this Work [[2005.03.22.15.32.11302]] |
| i've never had to tell someone what it is about our relationship that's different. why you and i work, though with every other person in our lives we are completely disfynctional. apparently my therapist wants to work on my social isolation. but with you i can tell you every thought that pops into my neurotic little head. i can tell you about the dreams and desires that still haunt me, about the men whose faces will still come into my dreams. though my body wishes at times to meet them again, whether nameless in a dark coffee shop, or kissing in the rain under a streetlight..somewhere after that passion faded you and i were still able to continue. maybe it's how everytime i come home, you make a point of kissing me and hugging me as though you hadn't seen me for a week. maybe it's how during the night you will turn suddenly to touch me or kiss me, finding my lips in the darkness. maybe it's how by one look on my face, no words exchanged, you know the difficulties that are working in my brain. whatever it is, it has lasted for almost two years of marriage now. two years longer then any relationship that was ever worthwhile to me. the first moment i saw you, i didn't want to struggle anymore. i didn' want to have questions pondered in the night, about what if's and why not's. i didn't want to know why suddenly you had left, and i felt that sudden inadequacy i had so many times before. but throughout this entire relationship i have found freedom in my own body that i never knew, never embarassed over body or the words that found their way from my mouth. with you it has been as if freedom was never a fundamental liberty granted to me, but a state of being with you and i as the epicenter. but now that i have to voice why it is that you and i work, i really can't tell you why we do. it's not because we work well together, or because we find each other attractive...but i think it's because we have been down roads that many others haven't. in empty beds, and empty places, especially our hearts. we know the these roads, and they are worn from our many times down them. i think it's understanding that keeps us together, that certain knowing that few people share. but we share it, and because of that we are able to be at peace and share our lives. |