By Star of David
Date: 2005 Mar 22
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I never believed in always until you

I never believed in always until you. I remember how when I would say I love you, you'd say you would love me, "always." And then I used to laugh and say that always did not count, that it would never come true.
But if I knew then I would love you this much now, I would have hidden my heart away in a place where you would never find it and ruin it for anyone else.
I told you right at the beginning that if I ever said always, I would mean it with all my heart. And when I finally did, the words of one of the first songs you ever dedicated to me - Always, Bon Jovi came true. Eight years down the line I now know I should have been the one to dedicate that song to you.
Always has now become year upon year of a haunting memory that never seems to fade. Always is a ghost that follows me with each step I take. Always is a word into which you breathed life and it lives in my skin feeding on the love I have for you.
And as the song plays over and over again inside my head I know I can't break free from this memory, this ghost, this pain of yesterday as long as I have life. Always has become a nightmare from which there is no escape.
Every word of the song reminds me once again of whom I was when you loved me. It talks of pictures and memories and mistakes, and trying just one more time to find a place where the sun still shines...
And while I may not be around "till the stars don't shine, till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme," this much is true: "I know when I die, you'll be on my mind, and I'll love you - Always."
(March 23, 2005)