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By wistful Date: 2005 Aug 25 Comment on this Work [[2005.08.25.01.04.19336]] |
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So, it's time to admit it. I have a confession. I'm completely infatuated with someone. Smitten. Goofy. I have this dreamy, far away look in my eyes, and a "cat-that-ate-the-canary", shit-eating, smug grin on my face any time I'm caught with a little spare time to think, remember, daydream... As he as put it: "I am in deep smit" It's disturbing, annoying, distracting, scary, risky... and serene, calm, blissful, joyous, and giddy. All at once. Bam. Who knows where this will go? I'm not even concerned. The rightness of it NOW is perfect, and I delight in it. Based on past experience, I have a certain amount of reserve, of caution. But I'm not someone who can dwell in the negative possibilities, any more than I can predict the future. I can only, will only, revel in this warm glow of the light of a person who I'm having a very hard time finding fault in. I hope, I hope, I hope he is all he appears to be. A real, emotionally- and spiritually-developed man who has lived so much, in pain and joy, and has come to know so much of himself, and the world, because of it. Who delights in all the wonders that life has to offer, without shirking his responsibilities to himself or those he loves. Who has a wonderful sense of humor, sense of self, sense of morality... Who is creative and thoughtful, reflective and centered, who risks himself in relationships to find the true intimacy that lies beyond the exquisite joy of getting to know someone: that lies with the deep, profound pleasure of truly knowing and loving someone. An exciting journey to begin. Exciting, scary, and boundless. I hope I don't scare him off with my enthusiasm. I hope I don't go overboard and get obsessive. Well, alright, I'm a little obsessed, but I'm sure that it will balance out in time. Or not. I guess I just hope that the reality of this relationship continues as it has begun. I hope my admiration doesn't cloud my judgment. I hope I'm not in love with falling in love. Because I wouldn't mind riding this wave for a very long time... |