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By darwin Date: 2005 Sep 20 Comment on this Work [[2005.09.20.13.42.32316]] |
| how i can fool myself into thinking that i was the one who did wrong, but feeling insane and lost after you left. that i was the one who must have driven you away, when i lay in a hospital bed and you didn't return my calls. i lost my breath, and you took what was left. and now maybe i try to redeem myself through the camera lens, through the fleeting moments i catch, because it was you who turned me onto it. and now i want to draw, and im taking a class to learn, and they said there is going to be a nude model. i want to blush again. i want to blush at the sight of a naked body, and remember that tingle at a first kiss. anticipate. i want to anticipate, and i don't anymore. i anticipated your forgiveness, maybe the one word, yes, it's alright....but why do i need it. it's you who needs forgiving. i need to forgive you for leaving me when you said that you wouldn't. you turned down a girl at harry w. schwartz for me you said. and then cecily from brazil stole your heart. i hate this insanity that drives me. these memories that won't release me, and i want to be free. i want to forget what it was like to be touched like that. what it was like to be the peripheral focus of everything, that i was the guideline. but i can't read this braille anymore. i can't touch everything and not see what isn't coming. you mistake my humanity for insanity, and my reality for revenge. maybe it's your own cold heart that wouldn't open, and your own cold heart that will never understand a broken heart. and how it can last for years. |