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By darwin Date: 2005 Dec 14 Comment on this Work [[2005.12.14.14.28.6227]] |
| this year we're spending christmas alone. it's my first year without my family beside me, and even though the traditions are sparce, there won't be anyone to argue over doing dishes with. there won't be the passing out of gifts, and the sudden excitement of tearing off the paper just to see something that i already know i'm going to get. but it's hard now, because our family has shortened drastically this year, and my parents and his parents are hundreds of miles away. and now it feels like my heart is, now when the snow is falling. today it's white, and for the first time in years it will be a white christmas, and it feels like my heart is breaking. i know that it will be you and i, and we don't need anyone else around to be happy. but my holiday dreams and thoughts are filled with fanciful thoughts and ideas, going to church though i never believe a word of it. just to hear those songs i love, see the children recite their lines, to see the glowing christmas tree. then to rush home, listen to a muppets christmas on vinyl, miss piggy singing about a ha' penny, and the egg nog in my moms china glasses. but now it's just us, and our four cats, and i'm scared. i'm scared that this is just a sign of things to come in our lives, the holidays being lonely and just being us. and i wonder why i'm so afraid of that. why i'm afraid of the ribbons and bows and wrapping paper. today your love isn't enough to frighten away these demons, and today i wish it was. |