By Star of David |
Date: 2006 Jan 06
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I read your old letters today. And the pain of losing you all came rushing back anew, as if two years had not passed us by since we cried for hours wondering how to say goodbye as the sound of the ocean and songs of heartbreak washed over us, unheard.|
The dreams we used to dream, the way we used to be; it's all there down in black and white as the years pass by, to read and perhaps weep. Not as bitterly as we did then, but weep nevertheless for the love that came to life - despite the ties that bind.
The tears may not come a year or two from now; but it's been two years to date since you wrote of loss and pain and still, the memories are raw and easily awoken as I read the old letters and hold back the tears.
The memories of you will never rest in peace, forgotten, in the graveyard of lost love and memories. They live and breathe within me everyday.
Even then we knew you and I were never meant to be. Even then the ring on your finger had a permanent place.
I remember that one day when I held your hand and didn't feel the cold touch of your ring between our entwined fingers. Shameful heart mine, I admit it leapt with joy despite knowing you would never be mine.
For just one moment hope breathed life into our love and I knew what it would feel like to have you all to myself - for just a poignant moment that passed by too fast. You had worn the ring on your right hand that day.
Still, through all the pain, I have no regrets. I loved being in love with you. We shared so much joy and tenderness, but do you remember how much we cried, you and I? We loved so much it hurt.
Your letters bring to life the little things, the words, the moments - everything that made our time together seem so right and our love shine so bright despite the loss that would surely come - it was just a matter of time. But I still ache whenever I think of you. And your letters still break my heart.
(January 6, 2005)