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By corinna Date: 2006 Mar 17 Comment on this Work [[2006.03.17.10.40.28336]] |
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I'm at a loss for words right now. An enigma of emotions is running through my veins. I was cautious at first, but still hoped that this would work out this time around. I still have that hope. But there are a few road blocks that keep getting in our way and no matter how many times we get around them; somehow we continue to keep hitting them. I wish I was strong enough to bare the weight of what they bring. And I try, I do try really hard to be strong and gentle and compassionate when approaching it. But the weight is becoming so heavy. It's taking a toll on, not just me, but us. I thought that maybe I was being too harsh or uncooperative when facing the reality, but when I look at the situation from outside of the box, I know I'm not. You may ask why. It's because we are in this together, if we want this to work. Give and take, right? I have to hold up to my end of the bargain just as much as you. I can promise that I will try to be a little more supportive and approachable if we reach another one of those road blocks. But you also have to promise that you will try to minimize them. Until we hold up to these promises we aren't going to be able to go any further. I know that this is reality and nothing is easy in reality. But it doesn't have to be that hard either. Of course we are going to have bad days, but they shouldn't out number the good. And I also feel that we should work things out rather than avoid our conflicts or run away from them. And I know I raise my voice and that's something I need to work on. I don't feel like taking a break from each other is going to help this situation. I feel we need to face the beast head on and nip it in the bud. What we are doing is just beating it down until there is nothing more to say. And I fear that we are going to do irreparable damage. I want to be able to walk away from this and build from this and learn from this. I want to know that it's going to get better. And I want to know that you are going to put in some kind of effort on your end to help make this better. Because I can no longer sit idly by. And I don't want to leave. But I can't stay if things don't change. It may sound ridiculous. Most people would say that its only 3 months it should be easier to walk away now than to prolong it until your in even deeper and it's harder to leave. But I'm not most people. |