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By softreign Date: 2006 May 12 Comment on this Work [[2006.05.12.13.06.29718]] |
| In the instant of a moment, I know this is all we are ever going to be. I remember the night you said you were going to marry me someday. Then today you told me that most of the stuff you say when you're drunk you don't mean. Well that's an interesting way to find an out. You know I analyze things way too much and you know that's all I needed to hear to know. My answer to what you said was, "well you said you loved me for the first time when you were drunk". You said, "I do love you". I said, "but you said most of what you say when you're drunk I shouldn't listen to". I know you don't feel the same as three month's ago. I know I am not enough for you and I know I am not the girl you will marry. The girl you will marry will be skinny, pretty, and smart and have an established career. She will be the kind of girl you want to show off to your friends and family. The kind of girl you don't have to worry about losing your money to because she'll have plenty of her own. I never wanted you for your money. You hold it with such high regard I just know that you think that's what everyone wants from you. I just wanted your love, I always have. I just wanted to be the one you wanted with your heart not for prestige. We have like minds, a strong understanding, and a friendship unlike most, but I don't think it is enough. I don't think it will hold up to the weight of your immaturity and self-centeredness. You have come to know that you can have whatever you want because you have money, even women. You don't treat me as kind as you should because, from what I understand, the girls before me walked all over you. Now it seems you've found your balls and won't stand for that. The only problem is I respect you and all I want is to make you happy and be happy with you. I don't want to be on a pedal stool, but I don't deserve to pay for their sins either. I have felt love before. The love like I have for you. I have felt it in another relationship, it was different from this "thing" we're in. There was a tender man that loved me so much he would have done anything I wanted just for me to love him. I couldn't because my heart was yours. I left him and for what? To be disheartened by your lack of tenderness and inconsiderateness. In fairness I have to say I never really gave him a chance because I knew I wanted you. I missed our conversations. I missed how we could talk for hours about anything. I didn't have this with him. We always struggled to talk, but when he made love to me he couldn't stop touching me and the love in his eyes when he looked at me could melt the coldest of hearts. His love was like the warmth of the sunshine. Where is your sunshine? Can you feel like that? Do you feel like that, but hide it under humor and sarcasm. Is your wall so thick love can't find a crack and find its way out? Your little love pats aren't enough to tell me you love me. They say men show their love with actions because they can't find words. You say the words, but the actions are missing. This is why my soul aches today because I know I am not enough. |