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By Violet Date: 2006 May 17 Comment on this Work [[2006.05.17.03.30.26724]] |
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i took a bath tonight, while you were studying downstairs. i tried to read the latest Anita Shreve, but had a hard time concentrating. it would have been silent, had the cat not been angry with the closed bathroom door. i soaked in the water, in my thoughts. we've been through a lot lately. life can play tricks on you. just when you think you're happy it comes out of the blue horizon to smack you in the face. honestly, today was the first day i felt like nyself since it happened. i can still hear your voice in the dim room asking "what does that mean?" as the grey image of our still child burned into my mind. but today really was good. walking on the beach with you is always nice. i love to imagine us as a family. i decided to have faith that my body and the universe will allow me to become a mother soon. it's the only thing i really long for. when we talked about owning a beach home and back yard BBQ's, i could feel the hope in the air again. as the bath water cooled i realized that i am done asking myself questions. life is too short to wonder what you've done wrong. you're a good man, and i love you. i don't like to think about it, but i know i wouldn't have survived all of this with out you beside me. in fact, that is probably true about life in general. i feel relieved. and i feel excited about things to come. |