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By aparajita Date: 2006 Dec 25 Comment on this Work [[2006.12.25.11.25.18018]] |
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Merry Christmas to me! this year i gave myself some very special things in my stocking. it's always so much fun to watch the looks on the faces of my family when i unpack my stocking with them since they know i stuff my own when i stuff theirs. every single year, i stuff my own. alone. at night. on 'the eve'. (God, please help me stop counting and mentally adding every year). this year i mixed it up though. knowing i'd be waking up alone, again, i cheated and stuffed stockings this morning while multi-tasking on the cooking and last minute cleaning chores. go me, such a rebel. Christmas Morn and i wake up without. instead of thinking of other Christmas' i wake from a dream wherein i got in the shower with my bluetooth on my ear and my phone on my panties (i was cleaning house and preparing for this day apparently even in my dream). and, in my dream, crystal clear i can remember thinking to myself, "well, i finally did it, knew it was gonna happen sooner or later". profoundly, that is what i am thinking now. i got in the shower with you. after years and years of protecting me, i trusted you enough to be naked in the shower. so vulnerable. and, i frivolously bought victoria's secret for the first time in my life (an abundance of things). not to mention the rose scented candle (and all the others we burned until there was nothing left). i love the rose scent. and the thrill of all the surprises that you brought to my life. i even broke enough to tell you i 'needed' you. i also was intoxicated by the rendezvous, especially the last minute ones. the ones where you told me you were wonderfully obsessed and couldn't wait to see me again. throwing caution to the winds between us, i'd flee toward you. deliberately i forget the times i told you i needed you and you couldn't or wouldn't (i never want to know the difference) accommodate. you bought me a rose, a beautiful yellow rose. knowing that my favorite is a tulip, you said you searched and searched in vain during february in the great white north. you told me so many more wonderful things that i believed. i truly think you meant them at the time, just not forever. now, i am so glad you never told me you loved me even though i wanted to hear those words so badly. it can't compare to my relief knowing that i never told you either. i would have meant it. forever. "well, i finally did it, knew it was gonna happen sooner or later"... |