By twisted_lie
Date: 2007 Feb 12
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1-Declared war
Was I just part of a game, a test of any kind?
You play with my emotions and I always end up left behind..
My tears I try to stop but a reason to live I can no longer find..
One day we'll go back in time, back to that moment when we
thought alike in heart and mind..
I'm all worn out, I’m just looking for that guy in whom I used
to confide..
Dreamy eyes you were mine, right by my side..
I won't let you see me cry, behind a smile this broken heart I will
This innocent girl has now become strong, her love for you no longer
lives, it has died..  
Those feelings I will stand up against, coz I’m strong enough to
fight the tide..
All in the name of love as angels light my path and be my guide..

2-Torn inside
you don't know how difficult it is,
Waking up every morning, not having something to look forward to..
You don't know how painful it is...
Waking up every morning still feeling numb and empty,
hating that person that's called YOU..
It's not those early hours of the morning that put me down..
It's when time passes and time just flies..
And I start to think of this 'play' that's full of non-sense and lies..
As time passes it's suppose to heal..
But instead a bit of my breath it tries to steal..
As I grow old, day after day loneliness is all that I've
ever lived to feel..
I live in a world of illusions, a world where nothing is what it seems,
a world that's not even there, a world that's not real..
3-What I need
I need my space..
I need to clear my head
I need to get rid of all these scary thoughts..
I need time to think things through
I need you to feel what I'm up against without you..
I have so much hate inside of me, I’m lost ..
I don't know what to do..
My anger is a monster, eager to get out and attack..
Why can't you feel with me, what it is I lack..
A monster hungry for freedom, so wild..
After all these years it's been locked up inside..
Why can't you see what I've become?
A monster looking for it's next victim..
A monster loose, a monster on the run..
I need my space..
I need to clear my head..
I need time to think things through..
I know I've said this..
But the fact is that all I think about is you.

4-Life changing mistake
Angels of death, angels of God…
Won’t you come help me, won’t you be my guard..
Angels of work, the good and bad..
I have done something wrong and I feel so sad..
I’ve hurt a friend and cut him deep..
His friendship I lost, the trust no longer I  keep..
Angels of pain won't you hear my cry..
I beg I shout, just pass me by!!
Angels of heaven, angels of light
I’m begging you to come for me tonight..  
The guilt is killing me, it’s eating me alive..
I’ve done so many terrible things in my life..
Angels of God, for his forgiveness I pray..
I know I’ve hurt someone I care about today.

*I guess I was way too emotional at the time...and no I never betrayed a friend. it was nothing of this kind, would never do that, I love my friends :)*

Never have I felt this lame before,
this blind trust, of your love I was so sure,
a broken heart I am, in pieces on the floor..
Your name craved in my heart, in the core..
Why can't you understand it's you I like
I want nothing more..
Deep inside I know we're worth fighting for..
Sweet blue eyes it's you I truly adore..
These feelings I can no longer ignore..
To love me is 4ever you swore..
So how come my soul you enjoy to tore?

I'm trapped in a shell I've created..
I'm trapped in a shell I've made..
I'm trapped in a shell,
A world of my own,
A shell in Burning hell..

My eyes cry to kill the pain..
My eyes cry to ease the burn..
My eyes cry in this game,
my eyes cry with no return..

My body cold..
My heart I hold..
My soul to the devil it's been sold..

I'm fading out...
I yell, I shout..
A nightmare in my head I have no doubt..
Troubles seem to endlessly mount  
A lot has happened I stopped to count..

Shades of white, shades of black
Broken strings, lost of track..
A past that haunts, mistakes that attack,
Playing my life's music as I crack...

"It was a time where I felt that I didn't have many options. The hardest thing to do is go on with your life without those you took me a long time to get over losing people.That is if I am really ready to let go in the first place.."

7-Calling out

Out of sight yet u grow more precious and dear..
The distance may rip us apart, even with your absence
craved in my heart you are skin clear..
My soul burns for your loss, my eyes can't stop the tears..
You left me behind to face the world alone,
I’m filled with doubt and fear..
Attached to you I was,
So a piece of my soul you take as you disappear..
Calling out your name everyday,
Shouting out loud but it's like you
turned deaf, you never seem to hear..
Why? When you knew my weakest point were you,
Without you my load is big,
the pain is severe..
Until the end of time, until we meet again,
I shall wait for you
I shall always be here.

*Feeling like a part of me is gone forever.*

8-knock knock
Knock knock..
Who’s there? My heart he says.
So I stop and stare..
Knock knock..
What do you need?
a little of affection for my hungry soul indeed..
Knock knock..
You’re still there? Yes he says.
And I won't go until a piece of your
heart you share..
Knock knock..
Will you leave already!
No he answers not until we go steady..
Knock knock..
I come closer to the door..
He says: your love show me and I wont ask
for more..
Knock knock..
I’m falling for this I really the one he chose to pick?
Knock knock..
Would you please stop this game! With a stubborn mind like mine
you've got nothing to gain..
Knock knock..
It’s not going to work, I’ve learned my lesson back then you jerk..
Knock knock..
He says would you give me one more chance?
We’d be happily back together in a glance..
Knock knock..
And the knocking goes on, as for me with my life I’m leaving
you behind and moving on.

*Been bored...wrote this during a lecture...*

9-My Goodbye
Rain drops fall, drop after drop..
Thunder calls, the sky is all lit up..
Wind blows and carries dead leaves..
Earth shakes, balance lost, I can't stand on my feet
My lonely heart shivers, I no longer feel it beat..
I know it's wrong but it's the way to be done,
So quick, painless, so sweet..

I hold the knife I hold it tight..
One stab in the heart, no struggle, no fight..
I want it sharpened, I want it blunt..
I want you dead, I want you gone..
I walk slowly but yet so fast..
I'm filled with anger but this won't last..
Of all those people, I chose my victim to be you..
You're about to be killed and you haven't got a clue..
I look around, I see no-one, prepare yourself your time has come..

Heavy rain runs dry..
Heavy rain stops..
Heavy rain down the drain
But there's a shed of blood..
I'll feel better later, of that I am sure..
By this blunt knife I shall end it all..
So long life, so long friends..
I took my own soul right to the end…

How dare you accuse me of such a lie?
How dare you blame me for your wish to die..
How dare you make out your intentions are true..
When you won't let me go, when you're stuck like glue?
Cruel I’ll turn, when I have to be..
Whatever it takes to let you see..
As cold as ice I will act..
So analyze the hints and learn the facts!

11-Fragile heart...lost soul
A heart that's pure, like an innocent child so powerless,
hatred, jealousy, anger, it had not yet learned all this..
A smile that shines someone's day,
fills the empty space in their souls some way..
A mystery locked up in the heart,
untold stories in that puzzled part..
Beauty that pleases the eye,
like a flower in the summer of July..
Sexy and hot yet destructive like fire,
a sea of emotions, passion and desire..
Deep and lost like the waves of an angry ocean..  
A lost soul; that seeks love and devotion…

12-The next generation
It was like magic, staring at explosives in the sky,
leaving this world with one last goodbye..
Watching the stars burn away as they disappear..
Leaving a spark behind,
Suddenly all the answers before my eyes were clear..
A gorgeous painting that cannot be described,
a portrait of life vivid forever in the heart inscribed..
A fairy tale that one cannot believe..
A mystery that exists in every living piece..
A dream that once lived in every inch of every being..
A fantasy flowing into each cell, our souls it starts freeing..
Breaking the chains of imagination..
As we steer the wheels to liberation..
Watch out world for we represent the next generation!

13-Save me....
I’m lost....lost in my web of thoughts...
won't you come save me, won’t you give me just a little of hope..
Hold my hand, show me the way..
My eyes are burnt, I cry all day..
No one can understand me the way you do,
No one knows that me without you is just not true.

As the sun packs it's bags ready to leave...night takes over as darkness defeats..
Crawling and seeking its way through the last ray of sunshine..
The sky that once looked peaceful, calm and quiet. Turns into loud thunder storms and black clouds heavy with stones...
I shut my eyes tight running for cover just to find out that my secret hiding place has been destroyed,
my imagination of nice things has died the moment I
saw the reality of my life...
I slowly open my eyes again. My vision that has become even more blurry than before makes it impossible for me to see now..
my heart starts to speak a language I’ll never figure out, my mind sending messages my body refuses to obey, my brain giving signals I totally ignore, my ears listening only to words I want to hear, and my lips uttering words of pain...
a lovely breeze touches my soft skin...
I lift my head up high. Amazed to find another day born in the red sky, watching the beautiful sunrise as darkness runs and hides..
In the whole universe spreading its light.
Welcoming with open arms a new day, struggle and fight.

15-Don’t let go
I'm not a hater, honestly I’m not the type who'd hate,
but seeing her with you drives me mad makes me want to faint..
Call me a dreamer for that moment we talk I will wait..
Your charming eyes have stories to tell..
Each time I look into them I’m under this magical spell..
Whether I love you or not you will soon know..
Days will prove so bear with me and don't let go.

Dreamy eyes I left you broken,
left you cold and out spoken..

Dreamy eyes I wish there had been another way,
I just couldn't bear to see you cry, standing still with nothing to say.

A part of you in my heart will always live,
I hide the love but deep down inside I just want to endlessly give..

Broken heart I wish I could undo the pain,
just wash it out with showers of rain..

Innocent soul it's not your fault so don't you ever cry,
your heart's filled with love but you say you want to die..

I never meant to hurt you or cause the wounds to open,
I never thought that someone would love me as I am, my emotions frozen..

You might never understand how it angers me that i lost you forever,
it's probably for the best since you'll forgive me never..

I miss you and I think about you a lot,
I know you hate me now, you love me not..

I’m sorry with all of my heart,
to let you go was never my plan, I never thought we'd part..

I asked God to mend your broken wings,
so he gave you new ones now your soul rests and sings..

I love you always coz your my angel sent from up above,
I’ll never forget you because you showed me the meaning of true love.

17-A wish
Clouds of night win again..
Her nightmare is yet to begin..
Close your eyes little girl have a rest don't fight..
Kicking away the sunshine of the day as the moon rules every night..
Stars spread in the universe, she's full of hope tonight..
Escaping reality she would hold on to her pillow tight..
Innocent eyes will sleep now, forgetting all lies black and white..
Staring at those stars she'd wish she was there with them in the sky..
She wouldn't feel left out, she wouldn't cry..
Happily isolated on her own,
Watching the world in the dark up high..
Selfish she wouldn't dare be,
She’d give a bit of her light, lost you'd never feel,
she’d give you her wings to fly..
Little girl a ray of sunshine is coming through...
little girl wake up it's time the truth you knew..
Dreams may give you shelter now but tomorrow the world awaits you..
Reality you must face again, you know every word is true..
And when morning invades and sunshine is here..
You know that those stars will slowly disappear..
Leaving behind a vision ever so clear..
A strong girl you are, so don't you ever fear..
Because God protects all of his angels, he’s always near.

18-Change my life clock
Suddenly it feels like the end of the rope,
It’ll snap any minute now,
I’ll fall down and hit the rocks...

No matter how high I'd climb I'll always find my way back down,
Pain flowing through my body like an electrical shot..

The memory of that event still vivid,
Still rolling in my mind,
Keeping me living in a state of constant shock..

I wish I could shut down this part of my brain, I
Wish I could close the reality door with a lock..

Surrounded by fire, as I burn to ashes,
All I see is a dead end,
Empty roads and a huge block..

Give me a reason to go on,
Tell me I’m worthy of living,
Lie to me before I end it all and change my life clock..

Then it becomes silent, not a single breath to be heard
but the sound that once was there,
But the echo of tick tock..

As they come closer they were all dressed in white.
Who are these people? Why are they dressed this way?
They look friendly.
Their smile warms up the room. It’s not dark anymore...but it sure is quiet. Did they come for me? They’re just standing still watching me...
I asked:" are you angels?"
then I remember waking up and seeing three beautiful butterflies leaving a room filled with daisy flowers...
I believe they were called...but they'll come back for me again someday.

20-Hello star
Hello star, here I am again,
my head lifted up, I came looking for my friend..
Hello star, the light you emit is my guide,
and with it my life changed, I no longer hide..
Hello star I know you can see him now,
I wish I could too, but I don't know how..
Twinkling star the sun will now rise,
I'll see you tomorrow because I hate goodbyes.

21-Death becomes you
The sun crashes down towards earth,
erasing our existence since birth..
The world lost it's balance and has gone mad,
leaving behind the planet of safety that we had..
Dressed in black they come and say,
stop crying, He won't hear you pray..
Come with me to your deadly grave,
hold my hand and just be brave..
I’ll put you out of your misery,
you're the only soul I want to save..
You no longer need to hide,
u won't be alone. With other corps by your side..
In your coffin you'll be wrapped in tight,
wrapped just like the others in white..
They warned you before that this day will come,
but you never listened, you were out for fun..
The sky falls down and the stars lose their light,
surrender now because it is over tonight.

To the only person I know I'll never hate,
To the only person God sent me from heaven's gate..
To the angel that I love, no matter how much I give back
it will never be enough..
You've been there all my life, You helped me through easy and though..
You're my friend, you’re my guide,
You're my sunshine on every dark night..
You tell me off when ever I’m wrong,
You taught me a lot, you made me strong..
Mummy I love you so much,
I hope you know that my appreciation for you grows at every
mother's gentle touch..
You're the best Mummy any daughter could wish for,
I couldn't wish for another, everyday I adore you more!

23-Nothing but ugly
She lives in the shadow of four beauty Queens,
being in the middle, she was considered nothing but ugly
in her early teens..
Acceptance she will never earn,
she wasn't beautiful enough, next to them into ashes she'll burn..
Walking around with a mask on her face,
trying to hide the shame she feels and disgrace..
She hates the chains that she's created,
she's become fat and isolated..
She's never been anyone's favorite,
she's lonely, although a lot of people along the years she's met..
Looking around for that resting place,
hoping that no one will notice that ugly face..
Now that she's lost a lot with nothing to gain,
Through the years she's known the real taste of pain.

24-Never win
As rain drops fall down and stars twinkle in the sky,
the moon so bright and high,
I think about my life and I suddenly have this urge to run away from it all...
What am I so afraid of?
What could be so bad that I haven't got the courage to face?
I sit in a dark corner just wishing they'd let me be,
can't stand having all these eyes staring at me..
Can they see right through me?
Do they know what I feel?
What I see?
What I think?
As my heart shouts out loud seeking for help,
All I could hear is my own echo killing my inner spirit and burning the depth of my soul from the inside. Making me turn into ashes, that will soon turn into nothing.
Just as if I was never born, leaving me in this cruel world to die on my own..
Leaving me here to bleed as if shot, laying my hand on my heart to find it all covered with blood...
A hole that grows bigger with time,
A pain that goes on like a spinning wheel..
It never stops..
My eyes like the ocean when mad,
Tears rolling down my cheeks like angry waves,
Reaching a point where I lose control,
a smile that hides my misery and sorrow...
How I wish I'd wake up feeling different by tomorrow..
My love and passion for life blown out like a candle on a cold night,
Letting go of everything just like falling leaves on a windy day,
Surrendering and giving in...
I can't fight destiny, it’s vain...I'll never win.

I feel as if someone stabbed me in the back,
betrayed by someone I really cherish and care about..
I feel strange. As if I’m lost.
Lost in my thoughts, dreams and my fantasies..
Locked up in my own world..
Angry. Having this urge to shout and scream..
Having this urge to hit and kill..
I feel imprisoned. Can’t break free..
As though I carry iron chains around me..
I feel heavy. I can't move..
Is this reality? Or what I turned my life into?!

26-L 0 $ t
My thought are just going around in one big circle,
a circle that has no beginning and no end...
lost in a space of emotions, I can't seem to comprehend..
No sharp edges, no shown way...just the same events each and everyday..
Looking at tomorrow drives me mad...just moving on with the life i me relief and makes me glad..
Running, towards the unknown with full speed.
What a pleasant adventure to tell indeed..
Facing danger without a blink of an eye..
Living life to the fullest not afraid to die.

27-A friend
You call yourself a friend when all you do is
abuse and hurt me..
At first I was too blind to admit and see..
But now I realize what a lie You turned out to be..
You call yourself a friend when you go and say things behind my back..
not this time pal, I’m ready for your next attack..
You call yourself a friend when all you do is play with my emotions,
never knew that friendship hasn't got what's called love and devotion.

28-Without you
I'm sitting here. My mind wants to explode..
My heart in pieces on the floor next to me,
My brain blocked, no information sent or received..
Shocked not wanting to believe..
How was I so naive?
Trusting you while all you did was deceive..
How could you hurt me this much?
How could you just cut me so deep?
How could you just sit back and watch me bleed?
You might not realize this yet, but it's you I honestly need!
No matter how far away I run, my heart to you it will
always lead!
I'm scared, I’m frightened. I look around and wonder:” do I fit in? Do I belong?"
I tremble, I shiver, I shake. But not when you're near by..
Coz when you're close to me, I get out of my shell, I’m not shy.
It’s like I'm this bird spreading it's wings for the first time ready to fly...
fly across the oceans, seas and the beautiful blue sky..
You lift me up. You make me feel high..
Although you sometimes act mean and make me cry..
I know nothing lasts forever so just hug me tight until it's time to say goodbye.

29-To the one
A heart that beats, a pulse that races,
so quickly every time he's around..
A smile that keeps me warm,
It renews my soul, with him I'm reborn..
His green eyes take me to a dream land,
where I'm sitting next to him hand in hand..
His kindness drives me insane,
because of him I know I'm not living in vain..
His voice how I love it, it makes me wild,
every time I miss his words his phone number I dialed..
Won't you come, won’t you come again and talk to me,
because deep down inside I know this is the way it really should be.

30-You complete Me
I think you complete me,
I think I complete you,
I believe that with you by my side I'm whole, perfect and faultless..
I know you can read my mind,
just like I can read yours,
the flames are still there,
just like endless wars...
Although we're different,
but yet so much alike..
You’re mine forever, the others can take a hike..
So far away, as the blue sky tonight,
to get to where you are I'd need a flight,
but who cares for the distance, you’re worth the fight..
I swear I'd never let go, I’d hold you so tight..
Enjoying your beauty, never letting you out of my sight..
You’re my bright sunshine that emits the light,
You keep me safe and sound all night..
You're my soul mate, my partner and friend
every minute I have with you is preciously spent..
Your name is craved in my heart until the end,
I loved you always and I can no longer pretend.

31- Just wondering
Did the chance just pass me by?
Simply flew out of my world with no return, without a goodbye?
Was I blind or just afraid?
I never believed this was the way things were made..
Is this part of a big plan, a test of is it just my fate?

I'm so tired of thinking,
I'm so sick of this feeling..
It's like my skin is dry and I keep on peeling..
I look up at the sky to see no birds flying,
I ponder around to find endless pain and dying..
How long can I bear this, standing still with no trying?
It's like people's souls are on sale, their lives is all I can afford buying..
In a battle I am, at a war where soldiers never stop fighting,
to my rights I will stand up, just like a storm has it's lightening..
This bubble I will burst, this shell I shall break,
To face this world it can't be that frightening..
A dead person with no luck and nothing to loose..
as destiny drags me down, my path it will choose.        

Wanting me to reach out as tears bursts from his sore eyes,
A cry for help as his lips utter words in a gentle, soft, tortured voice..
Every inch of his body shivers, the tip of his fingers cold and blue, frozen to death by fear, walking towards the unknown with slow heavy steps..
His hair turns white as though he's lived a life time, his legs tremble with every move he takes, unstable, unsteady, terrified of the pain, hurt and suffering of this mystery..
One last breath, one quick struggle puts an end to it all..
as each cell in his body gives in, his heart beats one last time before his soul surrenders and loses in this game called life.

34-Light at the end of the tunnel.
Every once in a while I have this feeling...I can't bear my life, I can't bear what I'm carrying inside any longer..
People don't see me. They don't feel my pain, my endless suffering and misery..
I try my best to please everybody but nobody considers doing the same thing for me...
Why do I even care?
Why do I even bother?
Why do I give a damn?
I tried moving on with what I've got but the thoughts going round in my mind stop me every time..
That inner voice keeps on calling me and dragging me back in..
It's like I’m not supposed to go anywhere or do anything. It’s like I’m stuck in this time machine where events never's like routine. You want to break free but it's not as easy as it looks or seems. it’s like this curse that can't be undone. Am I destined to stay this way? While you laugh, and have fun? Live my life this way every second, minute and hour till the day I die?
I refuse, I fight, I’m not going to cry...not tonight..
Where's my guardian angel. Why isn't he here leading me to what's right? Holding my hand at the end of the tunnel where I can see the light?!

35-You = complications
Life is complicated as it is without you trying to make it harder on me,
I taught myself not to get too attached to you, because I knew the day would come when you simply leave without bothering yourself and say goodbye..
If only I knew the reasons that pushed you away from me..
If only I could let you feel that pain I feel..
The sorrow that flows in every inch of my heart..
Forever you said and nothing shall rip us apart..
Silly me believing you and falling for this conmen line,
"I love you" and like heaven on earth we were doing fine..
What made you change this way?
Why am I always the one who has to pay?
The day will come for you to realize for that I pray..
The time will come when you're all alone at the end of the day..
Tomorrow you'll crawl back and my feelings would have changed, for that what have you to say?

36-Without you
Days will come and days will go,
The sun will set and lose it's glow,
The blood in my veins will no longer flow,
Some never get far with their life, what to do with it they still don't know..
It's like you're in a game or a guest on a show, they will attack you when weak and slow..
I'm incomplete, shallow, numb and empty without you..
Would you guard my heart and never let go?
Coz I'll be devastated if you say no.

37-I hate you
I hate you,
Three little words you don't expect to hear..
I hate you,
Three little words said to me by someone I cherish
and hold near..
I hate you,
Three little words that echo in my ear..
I hate you,
Three little words that I really fear..
I hate you,
Three little words by which you made things clear..
I hate you,
Three little words by which it all ends here.

38-Wake up call.
What do you do when all your dreams come crashing down?
Honestly give me an answer, because I need one now..
What do you do when your everything depends on this one person
and they won't let you be part of their life?
Will you just stand back and let some other be their wife?
I know I won't cry or shed a tear, because time will come when they pay
for the hurt they caused for those whom held them dear...
I shall be strong and stand up for my own,
I will fight back I'm no longer  scared of dying alone...
I will never let them hurt me like they did before
because with time I have learned to speak up and much more..
Through the years I shall always remember and never forget
all the sorrow you caused me, the pain and regret..
Mark my words when I say,
for all the back stabbing and  tears you shall pay..
Innocent eyes can see now,
awakened by the ugly truth. Forgive I should but how.

39-My guy
A moth at night..
A butterfly at day..
A mystery you are in every and each way..
You spread your wings and fly..
All alone, in our beautiful red sky..
New things, you’re never afraid to try..
Out spoken personality yet shy..
Love you always coz you're my guy.

40-Invisible me
My friend I love you but sometimes I wish I never met you..
Before you came along, I was strong I held on..
I was happy in my own way, loneliness was never a problem. I wasn't trapped in this maze, in this puzzle..
I was free, I was this person who loved solidarity..
I'd sit in my room for hours, creating a world of my own..
I didn't give a damn,I cared less about everything around me, even about myself, to me I was dead, a soul waiting for the day to come..
Until one day you came a long..
My life made sense again. You brought me back to life, I became one the living, my heart beating, my pulse rising, my emotions flowing, and my view of this world became different. All because of you..
Why don't you open your eyes wider? Just take a good look at me..
You awakened me from my long sleep. You taught me so much that I'm hurting too deep..
Won't you please open your eyes and see! What your love has done to me! Your tenderness imprisoned the heart that once was free...
How can I ever overcome this feeling? to me you became the air that I'm breathing..
You never saw that depressed person inside of me; you thought I was this person, with no worries, a cheerful girl. When the truth is that I'm only happy when your around..
Open your eyes and see, open you eyes and gaze into mine, open your eyes and see the only person that needs you, look straight at me, just give me a reason to go on.

41- The beauty in you
There lies a flower,
A kind I've never seen before..
There lies a flower,
A kind that you cannot ignore..
A flower that smells so nice,
A flower seen even with closed eyes..
How could something so beautiful,
exist among these endless lies?

42-The Dream
Wondering souls, wondering eyes,
wondering hearts, staring at the skies..
Lost in their thoughts, found in their dreams,
in their fantasy it's more beautiful than it seems..
They reach for love but cannot find,
they know it exists deep down in their mind..
Romantic love just like stories,
beating emotions and endless glories..
Their eyes sparkle just from one look at a far,
magical moments born under a sky lightened by one bright star..
Embraced and locked in the arms of this warm feeling,
hearts racing, blood pumping, with what am I dealing?
Head over heel
I feel like counting every single star in the universe just to stop myself from thinking of you..
Each rain drop in winter to forget the warmth of your heart,
each single falling leaf in autumn trying to convince myself that beauty exists in other than you..
Each blossoming flower in the spring to forget the sweetness of your scent..
The rays of sunshine in the morning that never fail to lighten up my dark world. For all that you've been part of I'm forever grateful.

43-Little mistakes
Little mistakes change our fate,
little mistakes help grow the hate..
Years come and years go,
And yet still roses of hope grow..
A dark shadow flies along,
A free bird sings a  happy song..
A sad note it keeps behind,
A twisted story that puzzles the mind..
Darkness comes and hides the sun,
Angry hearts spoil the fun..
We're all but players in this game,
Lose we will and die in shame.

44-* }-{ *
It's so difficult,
It's so hard,
It's heart breaking that we're apart..
I'll miss you more than words can say,
I'll miss you on the 15th of every may..
I cry, I crave for seeing you again,
In the hands of God, a new life you'll begin..
I wish I had the courage to tell you how I felt,
You'd stand there and my heart would just melt..
Missing you with all my heart,
In my life you'll always own a part.

45-Because of You
You changed all because of her,
To see you with someone else she could not bear..
You changed, you’re not the same guy I loved anymore,
Perhaps your feelings for me are dead, not like they used to be, not like before..
She must've told you something about me,
She's trying so hard to tear us apart, open your eyes and see..
They took you away, they pushed you far..
What they haven't realized yet is that you're my shining star..
I'm trying so hard to put you behind, I try to forget, but how can you do that to someone you once loved without having to regret?

46-She said
She said:” you’re always like that, won’t you ever change?"
But she doesn't listen to me, it takes two to work it out
mum, isn’t life strange?
You could've raised me up to be an angel mum but instead I have turned
into a beast.. You created me mum, would you have loved me more
at least?
I hate letting you down mum, I honestly do..
We never fought this much before, it’s become something new..
You say you're sick of it all, you wish you'd go back,
what about us mum? we’re your kids, we need you, your attention we lack!
It makes me so sad to see those precious tears whenever you cry,
with regret and hidden fear those rivers I wish I could dry..
Maybe it's time for you to accept that I'm not perfect,
after all I'm only human, someone who's trying to gain your respect..
I know I could be hasty sometimes mum, but I only want to be heard,
because whenever I talk to you, you tend to ignore every word..
I'm only hurting myself because I want your eyes to see,
a broken heart I am now, you’re the only one who can fix it because you gave birth to this life, you might as well end it.

47-Ashes to ashes
They keep putting me down,
what am I to do? It’s out of my hands..
Trapped in this dilemma, buried in the sand,
I call for help but there's no one around..
I search my empty soul for answers,
but it tells me nothing, there’s nothing to be found..
The sun burns my skin, leaving me feeling numb,
a few more hours and I'll be all worn out in the sun..
Dead inside it doesn't hurt as much as it sounds,
I'm nothing but scattered ashes that fly high then hit the ground...

48-All the time
All the time you were mine,
I couldn't see I was so blind..
The feelings of jealousy,
hatred for her were all that lived in me, deep down inside..
Your heart that once beat for me I search for it but cannot find..
Somehow I know I lost my chance to be with you,
But you're always on my mind..
Sad eyes I'll pray for you everyday in my life, for you're worth every tear I've cried..
I love you with all of my heart, you’re my weakest point,
deny that I can't nor hide.
If only
If I had one more chance to go back in time,
back to the time when I was yours and you were mine..
I would treat you better and never cross the line,
I would check up on you just to make sure you were doing fine,
I would take care of you, together I know we could shine,
If only I knew it back then,
If only I read the sign.

49-White lie
Has he forgotten me?
Has he moved on?
Are things clearer now that he’s gone?
Am I lost or was I just afraid?
Or was I just someone hiding behind the shade?
Will he remember me? Or am I just part of his past?
Although I hated him, I miss him but this won't last..
Complex feelings, complex emotions, straight thinking,
drawing me in deep oceans, just crossing my mind so fast..
I wish I understood myself better,
I wish I knew the reasons why..
Being with him, made it crystal clear I was living my life through this white lie.

50-Love me
Take one good look at me,
Look deep in my eyes,
Look through these burning tears..
I wonder what you've seen in them..
I wonder what they told on me..
I wonder if you're on to my wish..
To "LOVE ME" I'd secretly hope for,
Dear "God" every day I love you more,
mercy you have always shown your people.
You never closed that door..
Dear "God" I always try not to forget,
but the devil keeps on playing with my mind,
And I end up in regret..
LOVE Me for I am lost without your guide,
I love so much dear "GOD" in heart and mind..
And a place in heaven next to your angels I
wish I'd find.

51-Copy c/-\T
Copy cat you'll never be me,
copy cat we're so different, open your eyes and see..
Copy cat you're nothing like me,
copy cat get a life and let me be..

You lived my fantasy, you broke the rule,
you stole my dream, took it, still I stand watching like a fool..

Copy cat you destroyed all that is mine,
copy cat a lesson I shall teach you for you have crossed the line..

A life you won't have when I'm gone,
with no one to copy, afraid to be yourself, you start to run..

Without me as her shadow and the loss of her guide,
day light her eyes have not seen, for in the dark she'd hide..

Without copying me now, she has to make it on her own,
everything about her is fake, the reality is finally shown..

Copy cat must follow and not lead,
copy cat anger her heart she will feed,
copy cat I promised myself it is you I will defeat,
copy cat you'll see me standing again on both feet.

Life is cruel, life is kind,
life is a race that's out of time..
Life is bitter, life is sweet
life is a bit of both,
life is a heart that'll eventually stop to beat..
Life is laughter, life is pain,
life a gamble, life is a game..
Life is a flower, life is a thorn,
life's a mixture of beauty and all that is torn..
Life is all that you cherish and hold dear,
life is a challenge, exciting ad filled with fear..
Life is heaven, life is hell,
life in the hands of God is balanced well.
Picture clear now
Four closed walls and I'm in between,
there's no way out, not after all that I have seen..
I'm trapped between two shadows: the present and past..
I should think of an escape, I have to act fast..
All doors closed, with confused thinking I try to run,
but in the dark, those two shadows are out to hunt..
Little foot-steps the mistakes I've made,
with a hole in my soul, I look for a shelter shade..
A door opens now and another one locks,
they're outside waiting for me, I can hear their knocks...
I must make my decision now and things will get better,
my heart beating so hard, I can feel it flutter..
Forgive me for the pain I caused,
but you must carry on now, life can't be paused..
I'm going to search deep within for the right answer,
because this thing has spread so far just like cancer..
My present, my past are history now,
I long for my future, for the ring, for the vow.

I trusted you and you let me down,
you just had to go behind my back and shut me down little by little, you just had to hurt me when I needed you the most my friend, you had to attack when I was weak, as if you enjoyed seeing me cry..
You took advantage of my situation, you played with my thoughts and twisted every single word I said..
You couldn't bear seeing me happy..
you had to be this childish, irrational person...making silly jokes all the time...jokes that never end...making out that you don't care what others say, when the fact is that I can read your mind. see your every inner thoughts, fears and hopes...when the truth is that you're scared to death to be judged.

54-Walk away with me
I only live to see your smile,
I only breathe to own your heart,
I keep the faith of being the one,
who occupies your mind in late hours of the night..
To love you is not an option,
It's emotions controlling my every beat,
Forcing me to only be yours for life, eagerly waiting for our hands to meet..
You're my destiny and I want no other,
Soul mate let's forget the world and not bother..
Hold my hand and walk away with me,
Surrender your love and mine forever you will be.
Burn into ashes
Burn into ashes,
Kill the beast,
Show us freedom,
That lies beneath,
Undo the pain,
Erase the past,
Break each chain,
Just do it fast,
Hearts that ache,
Soul mates that split,
Everything would break,
And turn to shit,
A hurt that's done,
A cut too deep,
You can't always run,
No one ever loved you, you creep,
A taste of your own medicine you shall try,
I didn't suffer for nothing,
You might as well choke and die,
To forgive you I wish I could,
But you owe to suffer like you should,
You turned my heart into holes,
Sorry won't help, I won't return your calls,
Like a puzzle, into a million pieces I am now,
A worm that turned into a beautiful butterfly,
That was me, I changed so much but I don't know how,
Asshole your eyes will burn from tears,
Asshole there would come a day where I know your fears,
There will come a day when you'll regret,
And I'd be standing still to face you as the pain I didn't forget.

55-Dead End
It was a must, something I had to see,
I refused to believe, I was content with the way things were,
I lived a lie and shed a tear..
I shut my eyes, I didn't want to look,
I walk in the dark, it’s too dim to see,
An empty narrow road, I wonder where it's taking me,
A dead end that's the real story behind you and me.

56-What you've become
Warm heart you're cold as ice,
Bursting tears and endless sighs,
Empty core I thought you were nice,
Ignorant mind you'll pay the price,
Sorry you'll be if you weren't wise,
pick your words and forget common lines,
Be true to yourself and put an end for the lies.

57-New day -fighting for hope
Leaves part their mother "the tree",
as a sign of a new storm near,
with everything so quiet and peaceful,
not a single breath to hear,
not one heart to beat,
no action or motion through the year..
everything destroyed red and brown,
rain drops everywhere drawn the town,
peasants run to save their plants,
flooded water wet their pants,
damaged lands here and there,
as depression invades everywhere,
poor farmers lose their seeds,
the storage of winter and all they need,
but rays of sunshine are yet to come,
erasing the events that were done,
as each farmer fills a cart,
hope floats in every surviving heart.

58-Self destruct
I might've had to taste some of my own medicine in order to learn, I might've had to feel the hurt, to feel the burn..
I lost everything now, I guess my vision was a bit blurry,
I never thought that living without you could be that scary..
My truth had dust all over it, how was I supposed to know that you were the one when we first met?
Blinded by the mask that people put on as to hide the reality of themselves and their lives, am I to trust you again after all we've been through, after all your lies?!
It was time for me to come clean, come clean right after I fall a thousand feet under and by some miracle I'd rise to stand up again to continue this process of self destruct..
Self destruct down the whole,
self destruct through it all,
self destruct everyday,
self destruct in every possible way,
self destruct I've lost control,
self destruct my life it stole.

59- Sinking past
Don't start that pain trip again,
I never knew your sorrow grew this big,
how long have you been feeding the wounds?
How long have you bled?
How many tears have you shed?
How many lies have you been told?
How many times have your soul been sold?
Was your life nothing but a mistake?
Has everyone around you been nothing but fake?
Have you not enough sins already?
Isn’t it time you forgot this and went steady?
let go of the times you were hurt,
get up, clean up this mess and dirt,
each is on his own in this life, so be prepared not
to be stabbed again by the same knife.

60-I'm done
I wish you'd see rain on that coming date,
I wish you'd remember me every minute of that specific day,
just feel the rushing flow of hate..
Go ahead destroy everything that was beautiful,
just let it burn in this shameful display of blindness..
Release that negative energy,
let go of your guilt,
we both went in separate ways,
and buried all that we've built..
I promised myself it all ends here,
but revenge you see is sweet my dear..
As time goes by it's supposed to kill this endless pain,
but how come I still feel it running in my every vein?
Sorry? Sorry for what?
Aren’t you a bit late for that?
I remember your face clearly that day and the way you sat..
Deep inside I'm going through hell but you don't notice that,
I doubt that you care..
You’d probably just look straight into my eyes,
Without a single tear you'd share..
That image of you still lives in my awakened and every thought,
A promise is a promise as a lesson by broken hearts you'll be taught..
Cold hearted selfish one,
I've been hurt a lot by you, but now it's over, I’m done.

“Just put myself in my friend's shoes and I know that if someone mistreated me, I’d do something about it, we are not something they can own and we do have a choice”

61-It’s over
I know it's over, but I still feel you around..
Watching over me, keeping me standing firm on the ground..
Every time I feel lost I close my eyes and in my heart you will be found..
Sometimes I wish I had the courage to you that as silly as it may sound..
Love potion
Holding hands as they walked through life together,
the sunset behind their backs and a rainbow ahead,
kept in the memory lived all the things done and said,
the pain, sorrow and the fears they shed,
the feelings of hurt were buried, forgotten and dead,
the in between lines that had to be read,
among them lived a miracle, a bliss,
each fight would end with a single kiss,
love, passion and friendship stronger than this,
made people realize that's what relationships really miss.

62-A tear you cried
A tear you cried                                              
Your memory I buried, I kept inside..
You blamed me for everything..
Little by little as emotions subside..
I don't hate you..
But you're no longer on my mind..
I'm walking down that road, I’m leaving you behind..
I'm cold..
I'm bitter..
I'm emotionless..
My heart is made of steel..
I'm warm..
I'm kind..
I'm loving..
Each beat of your heart I can feel..
I love..
I hate..
Or something in between..
Can't make up my mind..
the sun should be out now ,but it's no where to be seen..
The truth..
The lies..
The mystery..
The myths..
The reality of life within the eyes..
The day..
The night..
Is it raining?
Or is it bright?.
Is it dark?..
Or light?..
I'm lost now..
So what's wrong from right?!
I know it’s over
I know it's over, but I still feel you around..
Watching over me, keeping me standing firm on the ground..
Every time I feel lost I close my eyes and in my heart you will be found..
Sometimes I wish I had the courage to tell you that as silly as it may sound.

63-Once in July

I don't know what it is that I once felt for you anymore,
I don't care for the simple fact that we're history now, my heart you wished to tore..
Was it ever love in the first place?
Or was it just admiration that drew me to you, how I wish this I could erase..
The respect I had for you, I have lost now, you’re just like any other,
you were messing around behind my back, to trust ever again, I can't even bother..
So now you've come back asking for me to love you again,
I thought living without you would be hard, something hard to explain,
But now that I rethink the hours I spent thinking of you, I found out I could do better than this, you’re just another fake, my time by your side was just one big mistake..
How I wish I saw right through you and knew that person behind the mask, but I put all my trust in you, didn’t question you or allowed myself to ask..
They say that one should learn from mistakes he's done in the past,
But how come every time I think of you I’m unsurpassed..
You broke every hope I ever had, working problems out takes two, solving it means the same bullshit we both went through..
I forgive you with all of my heart just for the fact that you were once someone special to me, but now it's time for us both to move on as each would walk in a different path, we’d both be happy and free..
Someday somebody would love me and would appreciate and take good care of me, you’re not the only one that could possibly be there, I know he'll never hurt me or make me cry, he’ll be with me every single step of the way, together a new life we'd share..
I'm writing you this because it's time for goodbye,
remember the good times we shared once in a life time in "heart breaking" July.

64-Who you are
I honestly don't know whether to hate or admire you..
My world has split into a thousand parts now, each part living to see
and experience a new taste, look and feeling for life..
A world I never knew was there, I’ve been blinded, I didn't have a clue..
the life I once lived has by some miracle been exchanged,
although I don't see you much but to the better I’ve changed
my scars are gone, my wounds you have healed,
you're friendship means a lot, you're my armor shield..
You’re a million stars away but I can feel you nearby..
I wish I didn't know the best, because the best always says goodbye.

65-Give love a chance.
Wrapped up in this warm feeling and I tell myself there's nothing I would love to see more..
A smile drawn on your face is the best thing in the world of that I am sure..
Torn up inside and hurt, a broken heart yet you own the kindest soul,
don't let two set backs shake your trust and build up a wall..
I know you've been hurt so many times before,
but you're someday going to have to learn and gain that trust once more..
Fragile heart too afraid to love,
fragile heart it's all written above..
I know there were days where you endlessly cried,
I know that feelings of love in you have died..
From all the lies you've been told,
Left you out-spoken and cold,
I wish those pages in your life I could turn,
I wish the sad memories, into ashes by magic I could burn..
Don't be afraid to love again for you've got a heart of gold,
don't worry because one day someday will embrace you in their arms and forever your hand they'll hold.

66-It's our fate
Someday I will turn the page,
some way I will set my soul out of this cage,
I'll stop the tears, I won't cry
I'll face my fears, that without you someday I'll die,
I admit I still love you, to show you how I feel I wouldn't dare do, you must've gotten over me and you haven't got a clue,
I hoped that with time I might learn to forget,
But the truth with you by my side I had nothing to regret,
My first, my last,
you're supposed to be my future and not my past,
Keep your promise because on your word I live,
You're mine forever and for me your heart you'd give,,
My husband, my friend and my soul mate,
We were made for one another, together it's our fate.

67-Would you?
Would you hold me in your heart?
Right before we fall apart?
Would you sing me songs of love?
Be my angel sent from up above?
Would you give me one last kiss?
And tell me that my hugs you've missed?
Would you still long for my embrace?
Or would you out-grow that phase?
Would you still wait for me tomorrow?
Be there to wipe my tears and kiss away my sorrow?
If you still think I'm worth the wait,
Don't let go because I know you're my fate,
And if i know you found someone new,
I know they couldn't possibly love you as much as I do,
Because when creation started and God made me,
He took a piece of you and to my heart you only own the key,
I may still be human made of flesh and blood,
But if you don't come back, I’ll return into ashes, into mud,
I miss you but my pride won't let me confess,
You're the only one who can put an end to this mess,
I love you always, now and forever,
And if it's meant to be someday we'll be back together.

68-Waiting for you to come back
My promise for you I'm keeping,
Your arms holding me I'm longing,
A tear for you before I sleep I always shed,
I remember the songs you sang me before you tuck me into bed,
Your giggles and innocent smile are still fresh in my mind,
That day when we held hands I wish I could keep, now you're hand
I can't find,
I know I drove you crazy with my change of thoughts and different mood swings,
but I care so much that being without you is like an angel with broken wings,
I may be mean sometimes and give you such a hard time,
but I only do that because I want to make sure that you'll always be mine,
If you shall ever fall in love again, I know I'd start to cry,
you promised it'll always be me, me without you? I might as well die.

How? How can a beginning of a friendship this soon come to an end?
Come to an end right before it was given a chance to blossom my friend?
Lack of communication can lead to a misunderstanding, out of touch, it’s hard to know what the other one means, it’s hard to comprehend..
We learn and we live to correct what goes wrong, we understand where to go, what to do and where to attend..
But sometimes things can't be fixed, they are better off the way they are, we must learn to live without and on others not to depend..
Because no matter what you say, they’d shut you out of their lives, so why bother? Why stand up for yourself? Why defend?
Be true to yourself, cry if it helps you ease the hurt, no more have you to pretend..
They were friends with you, you loved them so much and for them any rule you'd bend..
But sometimes you meet wrong in order to know what's right; they were a lesson, a God-send.

70-Learn to let go
Two birds, one knows how to fly,
and the other one is learning,
life is full of ups and downs,
one must fulfill their yearnings,
I wish I could have one of his wings,
but I'm afraid he'll fall,
I wish I could get him out of his shell ,
and teach him how to crawl,
If only I had you as my soul mate,
and your hugs you'll always send,
If only we wouldn't hurt ,
and broken hearts we could mend,
It's never easy to roam through life,
And walk endlessly without an aim,
It's the smart ones that plan their lives,
and work in order to avoid the shame,
You cry, laugh and even shed tears with one another,
You keep it all to yourself ,
and convince it that others don't even bother,
Life can be so cruel sometimes,
especially when you open up your heart for someone,
Life can be a beauty when you let go of the memories,
the memories of what's been said and done,
I may be hard on you sometimes,
it's just that I want to do what's right,
I may act weird and change my mind from time to time,
I just try to avoid a fight,
The two birds have now both left the nest,
Heading two different directions with no rest,
As I now must learn to let go,
I'll leave them both to shine and glow,
But I hope the pain I caused isn't severe,
As they both go back, back to the start from here.

Going up the stairs, up to heaven's gate,
where everybody cares and where dies the hate,
I meet an angel there, an angel that stands by my side,
An angel who teaches what's wrong from right,
A bridge for the broken? Like magic you are healed,
they share your pain and for your secrets their lips are sealed..
In their arms you fear nothing, you are secure,
For every heart he makes it stronger, he is the cure,
Thankful I am for the kindness of your soul,
you helped me when I lost it all, the day I lost control.

72-He's Different.
Destruct, demolish, defeat,
I long for freedom that lies beneath..
As every guy does nothing but destroy,
they play with emotions and treat us like a toy..
But then he comes and makes me realize they
are different in heart and mind,
so open our eyes we must before we
lose our sight and go blind..
He may not be perfect but he sure is,
he makes you smile when laughter in your life you miss..
He may not be prince charming but who really cares?
Makes your day when you've faced nothing but empty stares..
I appreciate what he's done although he doesn't know,
he's shown me options in life, ones I never even saw..
A new beginning awaits me, something nice and sweet,
as I leave everything behind me and my past I delete.

73-My reflections of life
My life; my beautiful disaster piece,
no matter where I run, you’re like a deadly disease..
Broken dreams, haunt me in my sleep,
vague future, I’m in too deep..
People that pass by and go through life,
the friends you thought, stab you with a knife..
A world sinking in a war of blood,
foot prints left, imprinted in mud..
Nothing lasts forever or so I believe,
for people aren't honest with each other, they just deceive.

74-Blank new page
I remember the first day, I remember everything,
I remember the heartache, I remember you sing..
I wish I could forget, I wish of you I wouldn't think,
I wish that my papers stay blank and I had dry ink..
You think I hate you, but I really don't,
You think time will revive a dead feeling,
but it really won't..
To find happiness I know someday you will,
with nothing on your shoulders as your pain you kill..
What's done is done, you can't go backers the past,
just leave as your things you start to pack..
For me you're dead, you don't even exist,
I fought for long now, I’ll hold back, I can resist..
Silly I was back then in the days,
you played with my emotions but I’m past that phase..
So long now, don’t look back, and take care,
watch me as I live again, as I breathe fresh air.

75-Enough is enough.

My friend the more we talk, the more you're being used,
that's why it must come to an end as your kindness I abused..
Right now, you hate me much and you're left a bit confused,
today you throw accusations and of selfishness I'll be accused..
I never meant to take advantage or to leave your heart bruised. As in life, one must cry and not stay amused,
that's the way it works, you’re just left bemused.

76-In silence
Silently I hold your hand,
silently I break,
suddenly I drown in the sand,
endlessly I start to ache..
The dreams I had are lost in time,
the hopes I wished for will never be mine,
as the clouds of night swim across the ocean,
the sun dies in this unstoppable motion,
days of revenge are never to separate,
as you lay down on the ground, dead of hate..
A rainbow in the horizon slowly fades away, as
I watch myself turn into thin air and disappear in the bay,
I watch my world crumble and fall before my eyes,
with no one to hear me call and never ending cries..
I break the silence, I speak the pain,
a new home I seek as I break the shell of vane,
no matter who I tell, no matter what I say,
this cycle has me trapped in hell, living it every passing day.

77-Foolishly in love ------------------------
Have you no pride?
Lost in history where do you hide?
Have you forgotten how it feels?
With every sigh your innocence it steals..
Why you act this way, I wish I would know,
But with time you grow apart from me,
your feelings you stopped to show..
I am not the enemy I hope you realize,
as I've seen this look before, the pain in your eyes..
To help you I really must, I should try,
before you run behind your lust, before you start to cry..
Don't be sad things could have been worse,
you're a prisoner of passion, you can't undo the curse,
but do believe that broken hearts do mend,
as guidance shines your path,” hope" God with always send.

78-Shine on me
In a place where sun don't shine no more,
where events never change, it’s a total bore,
"....." comes and changes it all, right before
I hit the ground ,right before I fall..
He doesn't know that if it wasn't for angels like him,
I'd be walking in the dark, walking in the dim..
He says I should get out of my cave, to give life a chance,
for what’s left of my soul he'd save..
I know where I'm heading now and what it is I'm supposed
to do, thanks to angels, angels like you.

79-Suffocated by reality
Feel the acid rain burn your skin,
peel the bruises off, undo the pain,
purify your soul, cry the guilt,
find the pieces, finish the puzzle,
untie the knots, break the chain..
The only thoughts beaded on a broken string..
speak the silence, utter the words,
disastrous beauty, a web of illusions,
blinded eyes, stolen vision,
muted for life, tied tongue,
imprisoned soul, clipped wings,
cursed by a spell, trapped in a maze,
break the chain, I ask you again.

“It's just mixed up thoughts...haven't finished it yet”

80-An angry rage
I wonder if I made the right decision,
one followed by heartache division,
huge unforgettable deep pain,
destructive feelings rush like a hurricane,
living in unbelievable regret,
running away from it all, trying to forget,
unbearable non-stoppable madness,
at that time I just gave into sadness..
Does it always lead to a broken heart?
Leaving you blown into pieces apart?
A break-down that ends in one emotional explosion,
a black heart bruised, with a dead pulse and no motion..
Is love a battle in thorn fields?
Where warriors fall down and lose their shields?
Alone you are, with your wounds you stand,
as they watch you drown, drown in quick sand..
The truth, your tears will never change,
as you lost your chance to be loved in this angry rage.

81-Death chain
Could this really be happening?
My love and I under one wing?
I'd sit there and stare up at the black sky,
the universe seems so empty without him, I don't know why..
Destiny's a big word, how do you think it will all turn out?
Let’s start all over, aside we leave the doubt..
Do you think you'll love and cherish me forever?
Take care of my heart and break it never?
Some promises are kept, others are broken,
your feelings you hide, you leave them unspoken..
Let’s sit there hand in hand, as my heart and lips get colder,
I look at your warm eyes and lean my head on your shoulder..
Nothing can rip us apart, not time, people nor pain,
we're in this together, tied up in one death chain.

82-Murdered dream
beautiful pictures I painted of us two,
a life I thought of, a dream I drew,
You'd hold me now and ever, a love so true,
I wish my heart would stop beating for only you,
a dream I had to wake up from,
the day I let you go ,I never thought will come,
I rip your chapter out of my book of life,
it's sad you know, because I dreamed to be your wife,
I heard your news, I know you've moved on,
into ashes our memories burnt and gone,
reality...why must we always come back?
in dreams the sky is blue and never black,
are we destined to always live this way?
With the ones we love so far away?
Must we always give into the ugly truth?
my heart grew older, and lost it's youth,
my paintings are all ruined now,
the path I knit was erased somehow,
I guess tomorrow wasn't made for you and me,
all we have left are three stars for our eyes to see.

“Nameless” my friend, he’s always by my side,
to him all my secrets I tell, I confide,
with him a ray of sunshine lights my day,
it's like the troubles of the world have gone away,
he cheers me up whenever I feel down,
he makes me feel like a queen with my shiny crown,
if ever I could repay and thank him back,
as he shined a life that was ever so black,
I wish I could help him as he had helped me,
I'd save him when lost in angry thoughts, as deep as the sea
My life is no longer in the dark, no longer in the shade,
as “Nameless” in my life a great difference, he has made.

84-The Truth.
I don't want to be part of this world,
to sit in the back row and watch people cry,
I already know what's going on in war,
as soldiers in their lands they die,
I wish the bubble of hate will burst,
as evil together we burn and defy,
we are not the terrorists here,
Islam comes in peace, politicians lie,
hand in hand we will build a nation of good people,
war, hate and evil we don't apply,
Islam under God's wings craved in the sky,
Islam's name in our hearts will fly,
as in our prayers God's name we glorify.

“I hate it when people relate act of terrorism to Islam, these people are not related in any way to our religion, they are people who use the name of Islam for their own benefit, selfish people who would do anything to get their way and I’m sure if your read more about my religion, you’d understand the concept of it and you'd learn that these people are not even slightly related to us. Thank you.”

85-Not bothered
World of hate, world of crime,
loved ones lost, as I lost mine,
angry hearts, a silent cry,
broken promises, a delivered lie,
he's gone now, he won't come back again,
you're sure it's over,
because it's so like men,
a wounded soul drowning in sorrow,
never look back, wait for tomorrow,
you rest your head down in severe pain,
everything muted around you, but falling rain,
I remember all the words he had said,
I am not bothered anymore, every time I sleep & every time I go to bed.

86-To the ghost amongst us
Do I hate you?
After seeing the pain you've put her through,
and you still ask me,” do you hate me?"
Look in my eyes as the answer in them you'll see,
forgive you? how can I after you broke up my family,
you are selfish, all you thought of, is being free,
everyday the same act, the same damn lie,
you come home every night, and make her cry,
If you want to leave, why don't you just go?!
get the hell out of here, back to that fucking HO,
she doesn't really love you, she’s after your money,
and you think she's into you ,damn that's so fucking funny,
someday, along the road you'll know,
of seven people whom loved you truly, you let go,
someday when you're grey and old,
you'll regret not listening to what you've been told.

87-You murdered me.
Rip the insides out,
cut the wrist open,
expose this soul,
invasion of weakness,
loss of strength,
a shed of blood,
rushing pain,
silent tears,
hidden scars,
emotions dead,
angry heart,
frozen by death,
a few words,
an absent mind,
falling leaves,
suffering stops,
stained in memory,
on an autumn day,
heard laughter,
a free spirit,
no longer imprisoned,
nor locked up,
no longer trapped in this body.

88-*Last words*
Build me up, tear me down,
lift me up, watch me drown..
Is this real? Or is it not?
Is this how it feels to be shot?
I'm not dead, but I don't feel alive,
only a miracle my soul could revive,
a break-down, I do remember, I won't forget,
still clinched to this feeling called "regret",
will my life ever change or will it stay the same?
Will they still remember me or will they forget my name?
I want to be immortal, a breath taking fairy tale,
a story told to all ages. Young and old,
but I'm only human. A heart that feels,
living in a mess. head over heels,
the world is so small, I always thought of it as big,
feels like I met everyone already; it’s like a sharp dig,
there's nothing to do, but to keep walking,
I stop for a while, I’m sick of the talking,
everything so quiet, peaceful and still,
away from it all, in my head the noise I kill,
It's time to grow up, although it scares me to go there,
it's hard to let go of what kept you going, let go of fresh air.

89-Lost girl-
Once there was this girl that always thought that there was something more to life,
she looked for answers that explain why we take the wrong turn sometimes,
Is this the way it's always going to be for her?
Living a lie, a fake doubled life with no care?
She's pretty much used to it now, with a smile on her face,
but the truth is beyond this, happiness she can't embrace,
Someday someone will help her find her way,
looking for answers she'll try to find until that day.

Broken little by little,
as though in slow motion,
the pain crawls into me,
burning what used to be me,
turning me into a tortured soul,
just like fire it destroys it's every surroundings,
only water can cool me down,
only he can heal these wounds,
as he's the one that owns my heart,
as he's the one who broke it in the start.

91-Split chick
I've been here, I’ve seen the ending of this before..
Think too much I try not to so I decide to ignore..
To trust you again I won’t hurt me deep down to the core..
With sharp edges that cut the wrist I lay down on the floor..
[My beautiful disaster piece] with an empty soul, I no longer ache I no longer sore..
With thoughts adding up in my head, I convince myself nothing's worth living for..
Crazy ideas swerving round in my mind, going mad, I’m convinced of this more and more..
Fighting all sorts of feelings, an end to this I shall put, mixed up emotions with endless thinking I start 2 tore..
A changed person I am now, a person no one seems to adore..
I hate who I've become, a split chick who never accepted herself so she declared war..
One last look in the mirror, with no regrets I'm off to a new place, a world on my own to explore.

92-Sad but true
Tears wasted. Like an ocean, its waves drawing who used to be me...
Lost in translation, abandoned and left alone..
Dry skin, this feeling kept me in the dark, sucking whatever life was left in me..
Happy thoughts dead, misery is my company. a blurry mind, left blind with no vision, a dream lost..
My heart shot, with your harsh words of hate. You destroyed me. Couldn’t you just make an effort to know me a little bit better? The image of me forever craved in your memory. the unreal me, the cursed me, the thoughts you have made up in your mind of me, the one that you're with, the one that you love, the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, yet you don't know who she is...sad but true is the story of us two.

93-What's love got to do with it?
"How foolish of me to forget. damn.. how could I not remember. I must've been out of my mind. You just can't separate the two of them now, can you??
They both function together, they’re a team. And what a weird bond they have. No one really understands how these things really work..
The mind. It’s like this powerful tool. it controls the heart, it orders it beat or forces it to stop...How can you be alive but yet your brain is shut-down. let along be alive when your dead of every feeling? to me that's no life at all..
You can't really separate emotions from logic. Love is illogical, it’s emotions, it is everything beyond control. it is tears and laughter. Precious moments in the race of time. Love is hatred, envy or betrayal..It’s acts are unjustified, unexplained. For in love we do the impossible or the unacceptable..We are not our own selves. We’re simply changed people.
We could hurt the ones we love because we don't know how to get to them, we could scare them, tease them. But in the end of the day they are only actions pulled by us to catch the attention of the ones we love..Yes..I know. I’m aware that it all sounds silly now. But think of it for a moment and you'll see that I'm right about this. For in love we express ourselves in the funniest ways. Love is taking care of someone you love, guard them, protect them or even die for the one in the name of these so called feelings ...Turning someone's dream into a reality. Love is believing in fairy tales..
These feelings overwhelm different aspects of out lives, leaving us powerless, helpless and speechless when it comes down to it. Who ever said love was logical??
Forget what's been said earlier. For love is butterflies in you tummy, a heart racing, a pulse beating, it’s heart break. Love is the whole picture of life as an unsolved mystery."

94-Ever after
Maybe it's true, fairytales are just fairytales, maybe prince charming doesn't exist after all, it could just be in my imagination, can never be too sure..
It's the utopian dream, fantasies are just desires. They fade away and burn out with time...High hopes? What for? It’s the same silent ending every time ..Muted by surprise, gobs smacked by the scene, remarkably dying, noticeably melting...Transforming into ugly. left in the desert, sun burning my skin, left alone to rot, left with the only person I hate, left by myself and you're not there to carry me back to the shore. Our footsteps haven't changed since the last tide. Since you drowned me in neglect. After you knew I was only addicted to you. Abandoned me with no cure, walked away and scared these wounds...
Maybe there are no happy endings where I am, I guess I'm just destined to die alone or maybe commit the unforgiven , maybe suicide is the answer? Turn into the coward I am and run away from reality, but for what? For the sake of my wounds and never ending torture, for the many broken promises that are yet to be made? If it's for you then every minute of this pain is worth it. as destiny brought us together and it can only rip us apart. Maybe there is no prince charming but to me you are perfect the way you are, you are whole and you complete me in every way. to me you are prince charming in the chapter of my fairytale, in the pages of my life.

95-I'm a dreamer.
I'm a daydreamer..
I dream of a bigger world, with a bigger space..
Because the way I see it earth has run out of place.

I dream of people with kinder hearts,
maybe I should work on myself for this dream to start.

I know such things will be nothing but a thought in my head, yet I live on hope that someday someone would've heard what I once said.

I hold your hand as I try to take away your pain,
but your tears fall down like showers of rain.

I dream of a world where the hurt doesn't last,
where I can undo the heart-breaking events of the past.

I dream of a sun that always shines,
that gives us light and warmth inside.

I wish that you never feel like you're worthless
because we're all children of God, release this stress.

Don’t feel ashamed of who you are or what you want to be,
someone out there believes in you, I think they agree with me.

I dream of rain in every desert around the universe,
that all things become better not worse.

I'm a daydreamer, care to dream with me?
We’ll dream together, hold my hand as your dreams we see.

I am the tide, I am the waves, I am the sea in an angry rage.
I am quick sand, the deadly kind, the one that sucks you in, and swallows you into the ground.
I am an eagle, as free as they come, the sky is my limit, and you can't stop me or shoot me with a gun.
I am a flower, a daisy that longs for the sun, am I the only flower that has no thorns?
I am a mirror, a reflection of you; we are one now, no longer two.
~exposed world wide stained in history~

97-If only
If only I could heal angry hearts, if only angry hearts learn how to love, learn how to forgive, learn how to mend.
If only people would reach out for each other, make the world a better place to be in, an unbreakable chain, a circle that has no beginning and no end.
If only we can go back in time, undo the pain, erase the hurt and replace it with tender, love and care.
If only we don't learn the hard way, have someone tell us what's right from wrong.
If only we meet the person we're supposed to be with without going through the painful journey of heartbreak.
If only I met you sooner, my life would've been much easier.
If only this feeling lasts forever, If only you'd tell me it's possible.

98-Snow V Rain
My candy land is covered with fluffy snow flakes...For the first time in a very long time everything looks so beautiful, so new, and so pure again in my eyes.
I go outside, I gaze into the distance, I see nothing but a white veil, the same one that earth hides beneath each year, the same one it uses to hide the scars of man kind, to cover up the acts of shame and disgrace, to put on that beautiful mask every winter and bury the ugliness it has turned into.
I walk out to find a gorgeous path, a path that leads to a place where no man has ever been as I only see a trail of my foot-steps.
Along the snowy winter days this place became special to me as nobody's ever been this far, not a soul has seen what I did, it’s like this place is hidden between the clouds.
It was heaven on earth, so hard to describe as it made me speechless. I’ve seen the real face of nature, I’ve seen the real beauty it hides, and I’ve seen what others may never see in their lives.
It starts to rain. These fluffy snow flakes start to melt;
I'm still in paradise, in the place where I allowed myself to love, where I let myself dream. I look up at the sky and enjoy the rain as it falls on my face gently. A drop of rain blinds my eyes. the same drop that wakes me up every time, the same drop of rain that reveals the truth of man kind, that shows me that I have chosen the wrong path again, that strips earth of that beautiful white veil and the same one that reminds me that ugliness still exists, the same rain drop that stops me every time I spread my wings and allow myself to dream.

99-Burnt Into ashes

Don't know where to start. I guess it's just emotions piled up and with time they grew bigger. You taught me things I never knew were even possible...
Didn't you ever notice how I stopped talking to you like I used to? Didn’t you ever wonder why? I’m sick of telling you what's on my mind, opening up to you like I haven't to anyone, and you still don't understand where I'm coming from. Instead you'd say I'm being childish and silly.
It hurts that my soul mate isn't sharing me this incredible weight I carry around on my shoulders, it hurts that you don't even try to see my prospective.
It's sad that I wait all day eagerly just to hear your voice just to find you shattered from work and too tired that you sleep.
Call me selfish, but I deserve more than this. If you so much cared just a little bit you'd ask how my day was. But you don't even give me the chance to lean on you and cry.
I needed you. All I ever wanted was "A Minute" of your time; I suppose I'm too demanding. Damn
I hope you never need me and find out that I'm not there for you.
I hope you never feel your heart break like I felt mine break into a thousand tiny pieces on the floor.
I thought I was special to you. As usual you prove me dead wrong, because to you I'm less than normal, to you I'm nothing as it seems.
Once again you do the thing you do best, once again you lay your head down on that pillow, once again you ignore me, once again you sleep and once again you leave me broken. .but did you ever see my tears? Of course not. You know why? Because you're probably already there in dream land, with your eyes shut, your heart dead. You leave me with nothing but the sound of your cold breath.
I'm getting used to this. I stopped expecting you to do something out of your nature, out of your true character. .That was wrong of me. I was trying to change you into something you're not. And I'm sorry, it is truly my fault. Forgive me for being a dreamer. For wanting someone to embrace me,  to understand me just by looking into my eyes. I guess I'm as guilty as they come; I’ve lost myself in these fluffy feelings, in the picture of how loving someone IS to me.
I just don't want to face reality. Not now. I’d rather live a lie and pretend that everything's alright, because it scares me to death the thought that you may not be the home I've always longed for, the home that would embrace me. Instead you'd be the reason why I don't feel safe, the reason of my insecurity, and the reason of my sadness. You're supposed to be the rock on which I stand. Please don't prove me wrong again for I truly believe that I am in the right place. I am on my way home.

I'm scattered pages here and there..
Ripped out of the book of order..
Chaos over-whelming different aspects of my life ,
I'm dry ink,
the writings I represent will soon fade into nothing..
Leaving me with no idea of who I am,
leaving me with no identity,
with no history to go back to,
with no home to embrace me..
Walking in the lame shadows of a broken heart.
Not serving a specific aim,
torn apart between the dream of what I want to be ,
and the fear of what I could become?
Losing the war of success, in a couple of set-backs,
a number of defeats in the land of battles.
Weak? no, temporary paralyzed.. needing to adjust to the enormous change I've faced the past few months,
I must re-educate myself,
remember how to stand on both feet and walk straight back into the mess I had left behind,
but how can I do that when I yet have to learn how to crawl?
I must build myself up again step by step, regain my trust in me, encounter my demons and purify my soul of doubt.
A beautiful cover for these scattered pages,
gathered pages in my book of achievements, order rules again in the story of my existence..
I may have lost my way back then,
I may have felt weak for a few seconds,
I may have been blinded by the web of lies I so wanted to believe, but now nothing can stop me from seeing the truth,
the truth that God hadn't forgotten about me. The fact that I have the eyes of the Invincible to guard me.

Hello? HelloOoOo!!Can anyone hear me?? Please! pleeeaaase call for help if you can hear me. Help me!! I'm stuck in the telephone and these nasty wires are burning my toshie and are wrapped around my neck..Pleeeaaase help me! I'm in paaaaiiiin! HEEEELLLLPPP!! SOMEBOoODY!! ANYBoOooDY!!
YES!Yes sir!! we can hear you loud and clear!!if you can just wait a second,calmn down and hopefully it'll soon be over in no time..Don't worry sir,we're not going anywhere,we're just gonna have to put you on hold sir for a minute as to call 911,nothing to worry about,you'll be fine mister..
NoOoOOoOoOoo!!NoOoOoOOoOo!! Not on hold!! Not again!! pleeeaaase DON'T!! *They put him on hold and dial 911 and off he goes to another dimension*
Hello?Sir??Are you there???Hello??!! "Damn him, what kind of a sick joke was this guy pulling! Damn them perverts!"
And while these great people where cursing that guy and calling him a pervert, this guy. poor guy was now lost in these phone connection lines AGAIN and may never be
found ever again...
Careful. You never know who it is that's calling you every time your phone rings *ring ring ring ring!/don't pick up fool!*..for all I know it could be him calling you, asking you for help, begging you to save him. As he now learnt his lesson, that it's not cool to eavesdrop!
muhahahaaha MUHAHAHAAHA!

“a creative story by me while I was bored. Imagination had the best of me, I guess!”

102-Expand, give room and let live.

They say that we live in a small place,
the universe is too tiny for all of us to exist,
there's not enough room for everybody,
the air we breathe belongs to those who were before us,
and the air the laters will breathe belonged to us.
Sick suffocating circle of inhaling air,
of staying alive, of surviving.
Expand the boarders,
the sky has no limits.
Could there be a paradise up there?
A hidden room for this crowded population?
or is there another nation? another army above us??
Will our worlds collide one day?
What happens then?
A massive explosion?
A load of man kind ruling the universe..
With no room left, with no air to breathe..
Suffocation all around as they keep to breed!

103-Once upon a time
I knew this girl; she was so nice, fun and so full of life.
She talked to everyone; saw life in different ways, from different angles, with a joyful spirit.
Until one day, she became MY friend, the closest person to my heart, the keeper of my secrets.
That day, I hadn't the slightest clue that this person would become my worst nightmare, my enemy. My mirror. the reflection of my actions.
I turned her into a beast! In these 4 years she's been studying my actions, I guess it's my fault that I taught her to stand up for herself, how to speak her mind and how to give harsh come-backs...Oh yes. She’s been feeding on me, watching my every move, learning and repeating whatever I say. it was all great, Until... she turned into me. The same mean person I am. With two differences. No matter how mean I am, I never turn on my friends and stab them in the back whereas she did.
And I'm not double faced, if I had something to say, I’d say it in your face rather than behind your back!
I guess I wasn't such a good life coach, I haven't taught her that there's beauty in the world, I guess it's an eye-opener that's there's more to life than the dark side of people, I lost a friend that day because of this. Today my attitude towards life has changed. I want to embrace everybody.
I wish I'd go back in time "four years ago" back to the day where she was still my friend, back to the time where she was that innocent, shy girl. How I wish I left her in her shell and never changed the beautiful person she once was.
How I wish I'd go back in time "four years ago" and teach her what I know now.

104-I don't get it
Am I really what he says? Why does he see my imperfections? When he's supposed to see and bring out the best in me? Why am I still holding on to this thread of pain? I pour out my heart to you and yet you stay distant, you stay cold...You stay emotionless.
I still don't understand how I'm mistaken all the time, how it's my fault that I'm human, that I have a heart, a heart that only beats and lives for you.
It frustrates me sometimes that I can't find the way to your mind and soul.
It breaks me that you of all people don't recognize when I need your shoulder to shelter me.
It hurts me that no matter how close I am to you, you’re still like a star that's out of reach.
I know you love me, but sometimes I find it hard to believe it.
I hate you for making me love you; I hate you for making me feel so weak.
I hate you for I'm addicted to see your smile, to hear your laugh.
I hate you for the energy your eyes shine, for the warmth of your arms.
I hate you for the butterflies in my tummy, for every beat of my heart.
I hate you for showing me a new meaning to life.
I hate you when you act like a jerk sometimes,
I hate that behind a mask you hide.
I hate that you never show a shred of emotions in front of me,
when I know in fact that you have the most tender heart.
I hate that sometimes I feel like I don't get you at all.
I hate that these thoughts make me feel like a total loser,
like I've failed you, like I'm never going to be good enough.

105-Happy anniversary my ASS!

So it happened..."18/6/2006" came and yes, I was surprised, shocked and gob smacked.
Today is our 1st year anniversary as boyfriend and girlfriend and you just had to ruin the 1st anniversary I ever celebrate in my life.
I always hated birthdays and such things because they always end up a huge disappointment...but this time you win the prize.
You just don't care that you hurt me; I don't know why I cry for you when you don't shed a single tear. What are you made of?? ? Is your heart made of stone?! Or have you just forgotten how to use it?
Are you that selfish or you just don’t get it??
We're supposed to be together in this day, on that date...not worlds apart.
You win...I'm broken. I never knew you could be this cruel.
A feeling
A feeling that's stuck with me every step of the way,
The sweet memories of you and me, I carry every day.
I wonder how we ever reached this far,
at days we didn't act like who we are.
We'd fight endlessly, not a single word we hear,
you stand silent like a rock, not a single tear.
I hate the way you're making me feel now,
I don’t want us to come to an end, but I don’t know how.

107-The end.

Toady is the 14th of august of 2006...and it's over.
I always hated Mondays but this event made me hate all days of the week.
How could you be so cold? Wrap me in the warm feelings that once were love and then let me go? Made me build up dreams of us two and then deprive me of happiness love you but I don’t want to marry you"....excuse me? Can you repeat that again,coz I didn't quite get it....Couldn't you have told me that a year ago? You’re selfish! I hate you for hurting me!
I can't be with someone who doesn't see himself with me till the end.
I guess this is where we leave each other...This is we reached...The cross roads...different lead different lives.
I wish you well for I have loved you till there was no more to give.
Goodbye my lover, soul mate...Good bye to another chapter of a broken heart. Chili you Youna.<>

"Just found out that I've been living a lie the whole year I was with you...I never meant anything for you...I was just another one in your life...But you...You meant the world to me...You cant stop your heart beating 4 people who don’t deserve your cant command it to stop...forever...You'll always be in my heart...You'll always be in my mind, in my thoughts, and my prayers...but AS A MEMORY....I'm moving on."

108-Ever noticed?
Ever noticed how clouds take shape in the sky? What direction the wind blows? How flowers reach for the sun? How rainbows glow in the horizon?
Remember when we used to hold hands in the middle of a crowd? How much you used to love me in many ways? How many times you used to call me a day? Remember?
Ever noticed how rain drops shower us in winter?
How leaves cover the earth in autumn?
How snow buries all that was there?
This is how I feel about us now,
rain drops are the tears I cry for you every night before I sleep.
Leaves of autumn are the scars that cover my heart.
Snow buried are the words I can never express after each fight.
Remember How I was the center of your life? I guess you've grown out of this phase...What kills me inside, is the thought of you holding on to me just for the sake of it, just coz you're not ready to let me go yet, not because you love me.
Ever noticed how we once were perfect for one another? But were we really?

109-It reached the point where...
It's getting to a point where my actions frustrate me,
weakness in my eyes,
uncertainty for the future,
It reached the place where it hurts to
carry on with this sheared,
Change? Why?
What's the point? Why when we'll only walk down the wrong road over and over again.
Your thorns strangle me,
Your words poison me,
Your acts break me,
Can't we just press rewind?
Can't we just freeze time?
Can't I just keep our happy moments in a jar? Change…We all hate it but it's inevitable.

110-Fucked up
I ache all over,
Every particle in me hurts,
My heart a rollercoaster,
My veins stiffened;
like knifes they cut my skin,
My personality shattered,
The traces of my identity erased,
Thorns of roses wrapped around my neck,
Caging my heart,
poisoning my thoughts,
leaving me alone,
by myself in a river of self-shame,
drowning in waves of self-hate.

111-One day
one day you'll cry the tears I've cried,
one day you'll show me the real feelings you hide,
one day out of control you'll shout out your pride.
There's no one that can love you more,
there's no way they'd put up with u of that I’m sure,
In my heart I've kept you, in my thoughts, in my core.
Today a new person I'll become,
no longer clinched to you, no longer dumb,
after all the time I wasted on you,
after making me feel so numb.
Maybe I wouldn’t act the way I do,
I wouldn’t be so jealous,
maybe if you paid more attention to me,
If you made me feel precious.
I loved you with all my heart,
but each time we fight you just want to part..
What would happen if I left you one day?
Would you fight for me or leave things this way?
I deserve better than this, I deserve a crown,
after putting up with your shit, after putting me down,
I don’t have to give a damn about you, you idiot, you clown.
I promise you,
you'll regret ever treating me the way you did,
after breaking my heart a thousand times, that I forbid,
I hate you for making me feel the pain I do,
because my eyes never stop crying for you.

“I'm simply fed up with this situation, you keep breaking my heart, when will you learn that this is not a game? One day you'll lose me and I hope to God you regret ever treating me the way you do, I hope you realize how much it hurts to lose someone, I hope you cry an ocean of tears, because once I let you go, there’s no turning back, you would've lost the only person that ever truly loved you”

112-Dance floor
I hope you have a blast on the dance floor,
I hope you break a leg as you dance with that whore!
I hope you have a great time where you are,
she wont shine like me, she’ll never light up like a star.
2007 here I come, remember you invited me in for some fun,
2007 into the sun, I wish I brought the bullets of this gun.
Angry I am, I must admit,
you wont understand me,you're giving me a fit!
Can't you just try to see my point of view?
The way I see it, three’s a crowd so I'll leave you two!
Trust me, you’ll be hurt if I did what you're about to do,
days will come, who knows at the time we might be through!

Empty...My glass is always empty.
Pour me another glass of sadness.
Mix it with a powerful taste of pain. life is so empty.
Not surrounded by loved ones.
Not having the strength to smile to a stranger. heart is so empty.
Wind goes through my soul,
leaving me ashes and shadows of the past,
Empty. My glass is always empty.
I never saw it half full,
must be my bad luck.

114-Madness of the world and I
It’s a never-ending curse
A curse on all mankind
Being humans
so selfish
so unkind.
full of hatred towards each other
No one cares for his brother
No one cares for his soul
Satisfaction we can’t find in hurting others
and  we never learn.
Who have sinned must be punished,
But what punishment for what sin
We the imperfect ones cant decide that,
We must be guided
Only god is perfect
For whom all we pray
When we r in pain
When we r in suffering
But we never pray to thank him
Except for the faithful
even while I am writing this
I am not acting on it, which makes me
A big time hypocrite
I fought my little brother while writing this.
Hurting all whom around me
in mind I am doing the right thing
how can I manage?
I will show no fear and I will show no disrespect
how can I be right?
How can I have straightness
the only thing I can say now is
Sorry for all whom I have hurt
Sorry for all the pain I have caused
And for your forgiveness I seek
please God guide me through the way.

115-Missing piece
Wearing this skin around,
carrying this weight every where I go,
Love of my life what have I found?
I've discovered things I didn't know.
A promise we made, some time in the past,
When hearts were young, were hearts longed to be loved,
Days went by, and things happened so fast,
A broken promise, and all you wanted was to be hugged.
Sad eyes, I can see you've been hurt,
I know you wanted security, and now you found peace,
A garden of roses there was and now a big desert of dirt,
I wish you find love, I hope you find that missing piece.

116-Song writer
My boy friend is a song writer,
my boy friend writes songs,
music brings us tighter,
In music industry he belongs.

He used to sing me to sleep every night,
but now I press play and others sing his stuff,
wrapping me around his arms till there's light,
He's always busy now and missing him is always tough.

My boy friend is famous now,
his songs the world they know,
in spot light he stands to bow,
as fans their admiration they show.

I cannot help but be happy for his success,
God knows he deserves it after all the work he's done,
but I miss the simple guy I knew, of that I confess,
When in my arms, we’d cuddle, laugh and have fun.

I'm just frustrated,
I feel helpless and I hate it,
Can't you reach out and hug me?
In your arms I feel save,
nothing can ever hurt me.
You can bury me here now,
down in that dark grave.
I know you'll be gone soon,
so don’t give me hope like others,
For I've known my share of pain,
as I'm the weeping moon.
The tears I cry burn my eyes,
a mixture of blood and salt,
I see my soul leave, as if I died,
Why does it always have to be my fault?
What's love anyway, patience and pride?
They always say, they won’t leave your side.
Can you put me back in control?
I really would love my life back,
You left me empty, you left a hole,
Now the only colors my heart see, are dim, are black.  
Can’t there be sunshine in my days?
I want to get out of this sad phase.
Rays of golden sunshine to tickle my heart?
Everything's left gloomy and loved ones part.
Does it always have to be rain?
Falling down like bullets on my head,
like arrows pointed to hit my brain,
At day like these, I wished I was dead.
Love me or leave me,
That's the only request I ask of you.

118-Your love is king
How come I always long for you?
I miss your company all the time.
What is it different that you do?
By magic you make everything fine.
You know you are my superman,
you save me every time shit hits the fan.
I wonder where you are these days,
you used to hear me out always.
You should know that I am in many ways thankful,
you made my life heaven on earth, you made it joyful.
I feel special for you have loved me,
I wish you had my eyes, I wish I could let you see,
How much you meant and will always mean to me.
Your love is king.

119-Torture of your eyes
Damn it! I can’t help but feel stupid! I know deep down inside this is not the way I'm supposed to be feeling.
Loving you just comes natural to me, it’s the easiest thing I've ever done in my life.
So easy yet so hard, how can I ever let go of the fuel that keeps me going, but burns me at the same time??
You're destructive in your own unique, beautiful way.
You turn me into ashes and I come back for more.
My love, haven’t I suffered enough?
Into flames, I light up for you in the darkest sky.
I wish you burnt out the fire of my rage, the heat of my heart.
I wish you left me cold and numb, instead of hurt and alive.
They say it's better to have loved and been hurt than to never have loved at all..
Can anyone explain how that's possible? Because I feel so dead now.

120-Helping hand
My friend, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn’t be here today.
If it wasn’t for your advice and guide I'd be lost.
If it wasn’t for your hand holding mine while I was falling, I’d be dead now.
I just want you to know that I truly love you and that you're so much better than me.

121-Dressed in White
Dressed in white,
she's the lady that they always abandon,
tomorrow is another falling night,
as she runs towards another eclipsing dawn.

The tears she has cried,
are the disbelief in hope,
her soul empty, a spirit that died,
with frustration she can't cope.

Dressed in white,
with the veil covering your face,
time makes everything alright,
a smile, the tears will replace.

No more pain,
no longer a broken heart,
no more rain,
seeking a fresh new start.

122-Strings of illusion
Strings of illusion,
Taken by the fake disguise.
Waves of confusion,
Cut the link of lies.
Uncover the mask,
Show the face of reality.
Don’t be afraid to ask,
The way to your real identity.
A pool of blood,
A trail of broken hearts,
Beneath a shimmering moon,
A blanket of gorgeous stars.
A river of falling doubt,
A storm of overwhelming regret,
The tears you cried don’t count,
Because tomorrow the pain you will forget.
The utopian dream,
Of uncountable smiles.
The way love should seem,
A feeling that's worthwhile.
A web of acts on the stage of the gifted,
A script that never changes as the curtains are lifted.
A parallel life, in another universe,
Living again over and over the same curse.
Destined to live on a hope that may never come,
A knight sways his sword to take me, as there will be sun.

123-Fire of my soul
Damn it! I can’t help but feel stupid! I know deep down inside this is not the way I'm supposed to be feeling.
Loving you just comes natural to me, it’s the easiest thing I've ever done in my life.
So easy yet so hard, how can I ever let go of the fuel that keeps me going, but burns me at the same time??
You're destructive in your own unique, beautiful way.
You turn me into ashes and I come back for more.
My love, haven’t I suffered enough?
Into flames, I light up for you in the darkest sky.
I wish you burnt out the fire of my rage, the heat of my heart.
I wish you left me cold and numb, instead of hurt and alive.
They say it's better to have loved and been hurt than never to have loved at all..
Can anyone explain how that's possible? Because I feel so dead now.

124-Who knew?
Who knew? I know exactly what you mean, how you feel. I was there through it all.
Who knows, maybe some day in the future,
maybe in another life time, maybe in dreams, maybe never.
In all cases I thank you for making me smile every day in the past,
for giving me something to look forward to, thank you for loving me the way I am.
Thank you for being my friend in good and bad time,
although it was hard for you to see me with someone else you still stood by my side,
I love you in so many ways, I love you for understanding that I'm in love with him..
I will always care for you and nothing will ever change that.
You are truly irreplaceable.

Unlock beauty,
undefined freedom,
unleash terror,
throughout the earth.
Coin of disaster,
face of revenge,
words of sadness,
echo in the end.
A torn up leaf,
a strangled rose,
a resort dry,
a desert in heaven.
A bed of thorns,
a race of time,
memories in craved in mind,
Like the depth of Qaroun Lake.
Stillness of water,
like the silence of the mute,
quick sand hides the dead,
like the many stories that once were said.

“So I haven’t written for a while now, I must admit that I don’t miss anything back home. Living in Fayyoum for the past 11 days has been a dream come true.
I never thought I’d like to like in such a quiet place, so out of the real thing, so magical. The view is amazing, no rush hour, no horns, no electricity, no civilization.
People are so friendly, strangers become like family, the level of communication is surreal, different back grounds meeting for one purpose; their passion for (Art).”

I have looked for your face in
every edge of this ever so beautiful place,
I have wished your presence
in every second of the day.
How I longed for your smile,
for your voice,
for your hands to circle around mine.
Have you felt the same way in my absence?
I have remembered the words you said,
the things we did, I’ve kept you laugh in a jar,
Every time I felt down,
I'd remember that you're waiting for me back home,
That I have someone to go back to.
Suddenly my day isn't as bad.

127-Fractured Hope
Living in the broken shadow; that rules the night.
Darkness falls and the invasion of the dead starts again.
A fractured hope of tomorrow,
A hope that never seems to come,
A circle that's always broken,
condemned to be left alone,
left in the middle of nothing,
in the middle of destruction.

128-I'm a Failure
My middle name is failure.
I should've realized that earlier.
I am always hasty when I talk,
I throw the mouth and then I walk.
A disappointment in every way I am,
Pleasing you is never easy, damn!
Each time I choose a path, a direction,
It shows you the opposite of my love and affection.
Who gives a shit what people say?!
You and I know its history at the end of the day!

“I can't believe this! They turned this simple matter into such a big deal. I mean come on! She saw it coming; she should've kept her mouth shut. Thanks for making me the center of your attention darling, but at this point in my life, I don't want any cameras or lights focused on me. And yea my so called soul mate, thanks for sticking up for me!”