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By Ali Date: 2008 Mar 28 Comment on this Work [[2008.03.28.09.13.21888]] |
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I was always full of hope, wasn't I? The kind that destroys walls with a smile, that sings lullabies a step before the dawn. It was easy--easy for me to be, to spark, to startle. I've always been slightly coy, but never elusive. I tell, oh yes, I do; I always give away these secrets. Always mine, though, and never yours. Even now, even this way...I'm not capable of being so cruel. But what I could've done...it haunts me, still. It doesn't matter, of course. The game has been dismissed, and there are no more bets. It was a hand I couldn't win. I know that now. Perhaps you knew that, then? It's twelve shades of insanity--this, to say that I miss you. But I do. In my way, and not yours. Your way...that's too silent, too stoic, too tied down, and too damn scared. This time, you were more scared than I ever was, weren't you? How strange to have switched places, but to have the end the same. At least I didn't forget how to strip bare, to the point of almost breaking. At least I didn't misunderstand how to turn a spark into light. But my way burns too much, like a shot of brandy in a smile, fire that slides down past my throat. Maybe I should've seen it. Realized...that there was too much to realize. I wonder what it meant to you, honestly. To have me forgive you, to trust you, even though it was emotional suicide. That was familiar territory to me, I suppose. Halfway between crazy and brilliant. It always could go either way. |