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By always and forever Submitted by always and forever Date: 2008 Jun 14 Comment on this Work [[2008.06.14.09.53.17059]] |
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How much better are you than I, when it is I who speaks the truth, while you tell lies? How much purer is you soul, if barren of emotion, desolate and cold? ~ I was speaking to a friend of mine last night, and the conversation ended up going somewhere that was quite unexpected from the outset. I found that I really had a lot to say about the topic we were discussing, because it was something that has been floating around my mind for years. What we spoke about was the problem I was having finding a real girl to be in my life. With real being defined as honest, pure and loyal. Not the obvious definition of being tangible. In my opinion such a woman no longer existed. She on the other hand, was offended by my claim, and used herself as an example of their existence. I quickly pointed out that she was in a relationship, and therefore did not count. I then asked her to provide another example. Someone uninvolved, and who possessed the coveted qualities of a real woman. She mentioned a few of her own friends who would fit the jacket, but as I knew none of them I remained unmoved in my reasoning. Our discussion carried on for a while before I stepped off of my soapbox and allowed it to focus on relationships in general. I mentioned to her how I’ve noticed that the friendships I have with people are much different than the friendships those same people have with other people. What’s even more is that they all seem to differ in the same exact way. This was something I could not define nor understand, but she had a simple answer. “Rohan, you’re a different person!” Her statement was one of those things that just made sense, (you know those cartoons where a light bulb goes off when someone gets an idea?). The problem with it however, was that it was unclear almost to the point of ambiguity. How was I different? Was I different in the sense that we all are different people? Or was I different like the kid no one sits with at lunchtime? Once this idea had been realized, I found that I had known of it all along. But I didn’t know how to explain it because I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t define it. It was the reason why people wanted nothing to do with me; many of them seeming not to like me. It was now a basis from which a conclusion could be reached. It was a practical tool. I wanted a better definition of this difference. What she said was that there was something real about me. Beyond that she didn’t know how to describe the difference everyone seemed to notice. I however, knew exactly what it was. This difference in me was exactly what I was looking for in a woman, but the more important issue here is what does this mean about everyone else? If being real was what made me different, why did everyone keep their distance? I still don’t understand what all of this means, and because of this I am tempted to believe that it is not the answer I seek. Everyone who is close to me however, maintains this view of me. They all cherish their friendships with me as I do mine with them. Their other friends may be different, but I am always considered someone who they can just talk to. |