By Ali
Date: 2008 Dec 21
Comment on this Work
[[2008.12.21.09.07.10666]]

Love Actually

So, it's almost Christmas. And last night, I watched Love Actually. I always watch it around the holidays, despite what it does to my head. That movie should come with a warning label: Love is possible. Look at what you're missing!

Well, that's true, and it isn't. Because I love you. I do. It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. If people gave out awards for longest lovestruck escapade, I would win. Hands fucking down. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.

Because it's Christmas, soon. And I've got the whole friends and family thing. I'm wrapping presents, drinking egg nog (well, not really--because I think that's gross), baking an army of cookies, and singing carols around my house. And in my car. And in the supermarket. I'm shameless, I really am.

But all I can think about is what I'm not doing. I'm not talking to you. I’m not dialing your number. I’m not flying off to meet you. I’m not telling you how much I miss you. I’m not kissing you, until my lips are ready to fall off. I’m not there. And you’re not here. And I don’t know how you feel. Not really. Not anymore.

And every time I catch my breath, I remember. I remember how you make me feel. And how much I seem to screw things up (you did too, damn it). And so, I really shouldn’t have watched Love Actually. Because it reminds me that love is possible. And that people do unexpected things, for love. Sometimes, they pay off.

So, without any ulterior motive or agenda, I love you. If I decide to be brave and call, maybe I’ll tell you just that.