|
By Mercy Echenique Date: 2009 Jun 11 Comment on this Work [[2009.06.11.19.31.32289]] |
|
Hideous Creature I take a long look in the mirror and sigh, Sit on the edge of my bed and cry. I hate at what's looking back, Seeing everything I lack. I feel so hideous sometimes, so unperfect, How starving myself may be worth it. Even in the dark, I still feel it, I can feel that, No matter what, light or dark, I'm still fat. When I look at my self, sometimes I feel alright, But when others do, they want me out of their sight, So that's why I despise the sun, or dressing bright. I feel so lonely, everyone has someone but me, look- their so happy, But me, I'm unattractive, pimples on my face, hair so nappy. My own family ridicules me, telling me what a disappointment I am, Wow, they won't even support me, damn. I'm always being taken for granted and used, Always in fights, beaten, abused. Maybe if I cry a lot, I'll lose some weight, that's what they say, I have to go through so much of this with each passing day. Everything I do is wrong, if I eat I'm greedy, So why not save some food for the needy? Instead of a meal, I'll eat some air, After all that I've consumed, it seems only fair, How long will I go without food, how long do I dare, Cuz if I become a pole, maybe someone will care, All the heads will turn, and someone will stare, I'll be able to put on things I could never wear, Without having to rip the material or tear. When I DON'T eat, I'm still wrong, hearing that anorexia isn't good, But I'm not anorexic, I'm bulimic, there's a difference, as it should, Vomiting anything I can, releasing all the waste, I would, Vomiting even blood, if I could. You may think I'm crazy, but I'm not, I'm more insane then what you thought, Having dark thoughts of how some should rot, I have these things running through my mind a lot. Eating disorders turn to self-mutilation, Maybe will eventually turn to auto asphyxiation. But I won't do it for pleasure, more of just knowing how it feels to almost die, Even though I've been living this way my whole life, living a lie, And that's what makes me cry. You say I'm attractive, yet you look at other women with lust, Makes me think that starving my self is a must, Cuz you would go behind my back, and do something i don't like, betray my trust. I see it in your eyes, you like those curves, Thinking what perverted thought goes through your mind, you dirty pervs, I hate of how guys are sometimes, it gets on my nerves. When I stand next to my friends, I feel out of place, Guys would look at them, then me with pity in their face, I should just be isolated, shipped to outter space. I wonder, what do you see in me, your time you like to waste, Do you really like what you see, and what you taste, Will you eventually lose feelings for me, and leave in a haste? Is it only a matter of time before you get tired of me, like the rest, Think of me as an annoying pest, Look around for someone new, who's better than me, the best, And put them through the love test? I don't know what else I can do to prove that I love you, If you won't love me, I don't know what is else will, or who. I hope you'll take me as I am cuz I don't think I'll ever get any prettier, Make a little smarter or wittier. I may not have the best body, or the greatest hair, but I promise to love you with all my heart, Even if you don't feel the same, and you won't even start, Just let me know, so I don't fall apart. This sad bird never learned sing, For it was never good at anything, It couldn't fly, it had a broken wing. So the bird was left behind, in the nest it would hide, Never to be happy, just pushed aside. Come look for me, wrap me in your arms, heal me, Show me the world because for so long I could not see, For I was always trapped behind closed doors, never to be free, And maybe that's the way it'll always be. I will never be adored or loved, But I know one who will, So I might as well be sent to God above. Whether you think so or not, I don't have any thing good about my self, no special physical feature, So leave me alone, in the dark to always and forever be a hideous creature... |