By Star of David
Date: 2011 Nov 25
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Breakups for Dummies

Breakups should come with:
· Directives
· Basic Instructions
· Guidelines for Extreme Action
· Disclaimers
· Emergency Action (if required)
· And, like all good fairy tales, a Life Lesson
· Followed by a Warning
· And a very heavy instruction manual (this can be filled with random content)

· Do not look back
· Do whatever it takes
· Rise again
· Love again

Basic Instructions:
· Block on Facebook
· Ditto, all similar apps
· Ditto chat apps
· Ditto Skype
· Ditto everything else
· Delete on phone
· Activate call block
· Trash all SMS
· Trash all emails
· Then empty all trash bins

Guidelines for Extreme Action:
· Erase from heart entirely
· Wipe out from memory (electric shock therapy recommended, if intoxication fails)
· Replace (with updated/improved version)

· Basic Instructions are relatively easy to follow, but require much discipline.
· Extreme action may be impossible to achieve satisfactorily. Ever.
· If heart does not heal, refer ‘Emergency Action’.

Emergency Action:
· Hit self on head with instruction manual till darkness descends.
· Repeat each time consciousness comes around.

Life Lesson:
· When all else fails, sometimes mind-numbing violence wins the day.

· None of this may work.