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By Farah Submitted by twisted_lie Date: 2012 Jan 28 Comment on this Work [[2012.01.28.18.45.22442]] |
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A paper kite flying on a rainy day, what are the chances of it not touching the ground? Cheers to the choices I made. Regrets? None whatsoever. Everything happens for a reason. The door I close will hopefully lead me to another. An emotional bubble walking around, just about to burst and when you ask what happened it would’ve been too late. To bottle up your feelings, to let things slide, will eventually drive you to a brick wall, no matter what way you try. There are memories in your childhood, things you try to forget, but certain situations lay them down on the table again. I will never forget the insecurities I felt growing up, and even though they tried calming me down with a few words and a few hugs, I knew it was all an act, and that the demon I always feared did exist. It was not neglect that I feared. People always walked in and out of my life, I got so used to it now, I learned not to attach myself to others too much. It is when people stop trying, when people stop giving, when people stop loving that scares me. Call me complicated. Well I am in so many ways, but all I need right now is simplicity. I need to know that those demons can be fought, that perhaps I was too little to understand, that maybe I misunderstood things. How I wish I was wrong, I wish someone would prove me wrong. Maybe hearts and feelings aren’t as important as I imagined them to be. I have seen one break every day for the past 27 years. I have seen feelings being tossed aside and ignored. I have seen so much of this, yet so little of love. You think I am weak, you say I am clingy, but what you don’t understand is that I am a woman that has seen too much, has been through a lot, and yet still finds a place in her heart to love. This is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength. I am the last 2 minutes of a football game, 2 minutes that would make a difference. Those two minutes are hopes and dreams that I have invested in you. But you know what? Our team is losing because you invested all your emotions in the first round of the game, by the time the game was nearly finished you were exhausted and out of energy. I am not disappointed. Life has taught me to face the music when I am defeated. I Feel drained, and rather sad, because people will never stop taking each other for granted. Every day we live is a gift; it should be lived as though it is our last. It should be spent with loved ones, even if we were oceans apart, there are always ways to bring people closer. At first it was the geographical distance separating us, but now it’s just an emotional vogue. I can’t keep asking for things that should come natural to you. Loving people is not forcing them to be around you, it’s having them want to be around you. We don’t talk on the phone anymore and when I call you, it’s like I should take permission. I am tired of this. This is consuming both of us. It is a problem when you are with someone and they don’t make you feel like a priority. They don’t calm you down when they know you’ve had a shitty day, they don’t flirt with you and tell you how beautiful you are, but when all that you hear is words that put you down such as hypocrite and cunt. I can’t feel the love you claim for me. The way I see love is that it drives you up the wall, makes you lose your senses and at the same time brings you back to your senses, yet with me you are so plain. I don’t feel like you feel that I am the one for you. Had I been that girl, things would be different now. I love you, but I NEED this to work out in a positive way. This is killing me, you and us. I know you love me, but If you are not in love with me please let me know, please I beg you! If you can’t give me anymore, if this is your limit in loving someone explain it to me. But don’t disrespect me and kick me while I am already down. I am sad because I know that you can do so much better. I have seen so much better and you have promised me things that you still did not deliver. I am sorry, I don’t think that kite will fly high, if at all. I am sure your grandmother rest her soul in peace, whom I love with all my heart would agree with me on this quote: “Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved” Complicated or not, I never asked you for anything but love and respect, yet they seem to be the most expensive things in life nowadays. |