By Marshall Hann
Submitted by Blessed23
Date: 2014 Aug 20
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After That Day

You'll never really know
despite the powerful empathy
that consumes every cell of your being
just what it is that you have done to me,
just what I have become
because of what you have done

You took every shard of assurance
every certainty
and tore them into a million pieces,
burned them and let the ashes rise
into the hot air
of this summer
until nothing was left
but a mist of desperation
and melancholy
weeping in the wind
but searching for some place to bury
its sadness away from
every prying eye

You took a heart
that you had made defenseless
(after so many years
of the callouses and scars
building walls and  gargoyles
to ward off the demonic humans
I thought surrounded me)
through the years of love
you gave to me
and then took your sword
without mercy
and bled every last bit of blood
from my body
while you wore that holy cross
hanging paradoxically,
around your neck
(and all I can see
as I stare up laying on the ground
is that sacrosanct smile
so terrifyingly beautiful
on your lovely face)

You burnt everything that you had helped build
in me

You have unmade me;
I have become some petulant idiot
consumed by monstrous emotions
that I can no longer control
and I have become some immoral fool
guided by impulse and hatred
fear and grief
hopelessness and misunderstanding
impatience and other emotions
that will probably remain nameless
for all eternity
(I have become
that which I despise)

What I have seen with my own eyes
has driven me out of my mind
and inside some unknown corner of myself,
a corner where my love for you still burns like fire
and lights the black darkness
that surrounds it,
however dimly it burns
it is still the one thing
I am sure of
in this god damned world

I search for numbness now
in an effort to rid myself of the hurricane of my heart
and the supernova that my mind has become
I am blind
I am uncertainty
I am havoc
(I am chaos