ok ok ok...i'll throw out my takes on your q's gala...just not right now...no time i say...i'll try to post it tomorrow
take care y'all,
gup
I wish I was a caterpilla, my life would be a farce, I'd climb up all the pretty flowers and fall down on my arse. amen.
All right Gang--
At serious risk of being burned in poetic effigy, shunned, and in general hated for ever---
When do you know for sure you's moved from lust to love?
For me, it was the first time my guy did something "earthy"---and it wasn't cute or adorable. It didn't gross me out---but it focused the eyes of my heart
so that I was seeing not just man, or "my man", but the whole magilla---a man I loved very much, and was willing to weave into my life---as I was willing to be woven into his own.
It's what I meant by "casual ain't". Where the heart is involved, half measures simply don't cut it. Intimacy begets closeness, than that my dears begets love---or you're doing it all wrong.
So says Gala
1. Lust v Love:
[see 2.]
2. Gender Diff in Viewing Love:
A difference between men and women is that men are less likely to care about the difference between love and lust. If the attraction is there, most other things can be arranged. As a culture tend to understate the importance of the physical, trying to pretend it just doesn't matter, but for the long haul it does: not that only supermodels will find happiness, but you have to be reconciled to how you and your partner chime (or fail to chime) physically.
Then again, I might be "wishing or guessing".
3. Pet Peeves: inflicted and inflicting:
Hmm. I was going to say something bitter about my great unrequited romance, but here's something more practical.. I'm not sure how representative of guys in general this is, but I think most guys wish women wouldn't be so hung up on being told that they're loved. "We're sticking around, doing sweet things in general, aren't we?" we grumble to ourselves. Of course, the Pet Peeve I'm guilty of is the converse of this, not saying it enough.
Oddly, I said it a lot to my great unrequited love. Which might be why I'm more reluctant to say it Mo, who I am in love with: because of that history I might be viewing describing "How much I love you" feels like an attempt to sway and change the behavior of the other person, and I don't feel the need to do that with Mo.
FYI - They poem that you have listed titled "Troubled" was actually written by Jim Morrison.
Does anyone like my poem or do I like it simply because I wrote it?
A Lovers Riddle New Submissions Page
Since we are playing the questions game (a role I see as MUCH more productive than the criticism/arguing game) I want to propose one of my own- the one I have been wrestling with and that is REALLY keeping me up at nights.
What would you consider a defining point when you know a love you have is safe to be relied on as completely mutual and longlasting? IS there such a point at all?
Maybe this sounds dumb (maybe it is...I am just a young'n) but in my infinite insecurity I have always hoped for some indication that I don't have to worry about losing a person I am so in love with.
Gala-
The turning point of love to lust, for me, was just kinda one of those catastrophic moments. It wasn't like, we were gazing into each others eyes or anything...my boyfriend was sitting on his bed, reading for one of his classes, and I was just sitting there, watching him. Then it just suddenly dawned on me that I was absolutely, totally in love with him. I realized he possessed everything I'd ever wanted, and that I could stay up all night joking around with him and talking, and that would make me just as happy as any kind of lust-driven fantasy. That was two months ago. And I still feel the same way today:) With others, it wasn't that way, I didn't really have time to wonder if I really did love the guy, but with him it was different, and that's what makes me realize I really do love him. You realize the difference when you'd rather sometimes just talk to him and spend "quality time" with him instead of anything else :)
Megs-
Girl, I wish I could tell you that I've learned there is a point, but I can't. I've wondered the same thing sometimes. You have something that is so precious and wonderful and so unlike anything else you've ever experienced, and you're scared to lose it. I've tried to explain it to my bf, but he's like "I'm not going anywhere, I just want to be with you" and I do believe him. But that outside worry just kinda gnaws at you sometimes. The best thing I've been able to do is just to not worry about it. I really love him, and yes, I would be very hurt if something happened, hurt more than I have been in the past. But I just try to enjoy the time I have with him. Hopefully I'll be with him for a long, long time. I just don't plan on taking that for granted, even if we get married :)
Misti- waiting on the next scene :) You've got me hooked.
tiger
Bravo! !
Oh, I'm so proud of the lot of you! It takes great courage to look within, to examine the why of anything---particularly emotion! I always knew the Blender crowd was a cut above---but dear ladies and kind sirs, you truly shine.
And speaking of Shine---with Kirk's kind permission between now and V.D. I would like to post a "valen-shine"---a note of appreciation to those who I think merit it.
And The Valen-Shine of today is our very own, cooler than cool, sweeter than sweet, she can do art, or verse with a beat---wigglin' wowing em---DEEVAA!!!
Dee, you're simply the best. I've watched you reach out time and again to welcome the tentative, comfort the forlorn, or in general be an awesome human being. This combined with your amazing talent makes you truly wonderful.
(Look, she's blushing!)
Dee, you truly do shine...hugs from your damned crazy American sister....
tiger,
glad to hear it. right now i'm just submitting my favorite songs. i don't want to submit any more scenes until i've figured out the big picture. but thanks!
gala...stop asking such hard questions...ha...i thought my homework has been tough, and then i come here and find multifaceted philosophical questions that i'm not sure i could answer in less than a billion words...the only good thing is that i can't really be wrong on these, and i'm not being graded...i hope...ha
sooo...love vs. lust...hmmmmmm...lust is based mostly on animal instinct...i believe anyway...we are all animals, and are all driven by the instinct to further the species...to reproduce...and we are genetically programmed to favor members of the opposite sex(in heterosexuals anyway) with certain physical attributes as mates...while others simply "don't do it" for us...lust can also be on a purely hedonistic level...seeking pleasure for the sake of it...this is usually the most evident "reason" people see...but it's all tied into the evolutionary scheme of things in my belief...animals have a drive to further the species...in order to further the species, animals must have sex...people are animals...a built in mechanism to encourage people to have sex is that it feels good...if sex didn't feel good, there would be far fewer people doing it...ha...so...lust is natural (and i'm not going to get into religious or cultural or ethical sides of it...i'm not writing a thesis here...ha)
love...well, it may or may not start with lust...usually it does to some degree, but not always...i've dated girls that i initially wasn't very physically attracted to, but was attracted to them for other reasons...such as personality, sense of humor, reliability, friendship, intelligence, appreciation of life, on and on...and i pretty much fell way in love with a girl for reasons other than physical...and the physical attraction kinda just crept up out of nowhere...suddenly i was very attracted to her physically...anyway...i think love is more about companionship...wanting to share life with someone else...the good and the bad...wanting the other to be happy, and doing what you can to ensure that...and just enjoying the other person's company...for whatever reason...i do think there is a difference between making love and having sex...sex is just based on lust...making love is both lust and love combined...there is far more emotional involvement...blah blah blah
how do you know if you are in love with someone, or just lusting for them?...hmmm...if you're not satisfied with just sex, and crave the attention of the other person in other areas of your life, you are probably in love...if you want to do your best to make the other person happy for the sake of it, you are probably in love...if you think about the future of the relationship outside of the bedroom, you are probably in love...if you see the other person as perfect, you are dangerously in love...ha...
real love is something beyond, but including being "in love"...real love takes more time to develop, for one...and it involves the realization that nobody is perfect...seeing your partner as a whole person...the good points and bad points...acceptance of a person for who he or she is...unconditionality...real love is saying you're sorry when you mess up...meaning it...real love is about forgiveness, encouragement, empathy, listening, sharing, persevering, honesty, dedication, sacrifice, respect...on and on...
"a pretty face may last a year or two, but pretty soon they'll see what you can do"---john lennon
whew...and i only got to the first q...damn...sorry this is so long
later,
gup
Dear Megs---
Oh you ask the hard ones! I'm the sort who jumps in first, and then wonders how damned deep the pool is---or if there are piranhas in the pond. This approach led to heart ache, heart break, and ansgt more than once.
My husband and I were together six years before we decided to marry. I was never going to get married---not me!
Shocked everybody---and i didn't get the jitters once during the whole planning process...until I woke up the morning of my wedding and looked at my gown...I spent the next three hours in silence (a remarkable feat for me!)
and my hand shook so hard, I couldn't put on my make up. I got it together somehow, and when I made it to the aisle feeling completely unreal, I saw Chuck's eyes.
I could see in that instant I was the only woman in the world to him. When he spoke his vows, his voice was strong, clear, and firm---he meant it. And when my normally shy guy swooped me in his arms for that first married kiss, I really hope the crowd brought lunch, because we were at it for a while....
I don't suggest this to anyone else---you really should KNOW before you say yes, send invitiations, or that sort of thing---and being uncertain is part of being human.
If you're looking for certain, love ain't where it's found.
Guarentees only come with appliances...
But I'll tell you this---it's worth the cost of admission. It just never costs what you think it will.
Savor love a bite at a time Megs---what comes will come...
Love,
Gala
k...short answers...i swear :)
2)i really think men and women view love about the same...impossible...ha...kidding...i don't really have any generalizations to make though, everyone is different...based on influences and past experiences and all that...
3)pet peeve: women are the most confusing creatures on the planet...ha...in fact, i think sometimes i fall for a girl just because i'm overwhelmed by sheer confusion
my own weak point: i am the second most confusing creature on the planet...and i also sometimes think that i know what i'm talking about when it comes to women, but i never ever really do...i have no clue...ever...
Me? but what did I do?
Umm... thanks girl, but I'm just me.... gosh... I'm just gonna go and sit down now.. um... yeah.
"Oh my goodness Oh my goodness" *blinking like a hollow eyed Annie* - It's been a while!
Misti - Todd? He's still away at school. Seems like all the 'suppressed electricity' i had been feeling from him (or so I thought) has been replaced with this need for a maternal friend, which is the role I always end up playing with men. I guess its hard to see the growling nymph hiding behind my cheeky face and toothy grin. :-) Oh well, our friendship is fully restored, which is more than I expected. I'm thankful for that. I am going to Philly in a few weeks to see him, with a few friends. ROAD TRIP!
gup - love the Bob Dylan quote.
Hey gala! :-)
Dee - I know I've been absent here. :-( I sorry.
Wow...the board sure has become one emotionally charged posting place here...all sorts of word slinging, not to mention some really great viewpoints. I just read the last weeks worth and it took forever, but you are amaze me. There are some of you I would love to just meet and talk. Meanwhile my (frazzled and fizzling) brain can not even contribute an ounce of intelligent commentary here...I have "Massage and Sexuality" on the brain, thanks to a very odd, fanny-pack-wearing, squeaky, cracking voiced, Joe Pesci-ish Ethics teacher. Not really sure how to incorporate that into anything that has been going on in the past few days, so I'm just going to make like Robert Plant and slip out the back door. :-)
(special wink to my buddha man...;-)
Tom,
You are my true love, and I can not believe we have already been married for a year and a half! Where has the time gone? Our times will always be cherished, as we love to venture new grounds together. I do love you dear, and hope that this message finds you not only on Valentine's day, but every day!
I love you!! LOVE!!
Hei pappa!
Fant dette fabelaktig fine bildet fra filmen Casabanca som jeg tenkte jeg skulle sende.
Hilsen Nina
Whew!
Thanks to Kirk and Gup---you guys are heroes! And Shady---let me know when you'll be about---I know a dynamite coffee bar in Trenton...unless you'll be booked, in which case auntie Gala understands perfectly. Trenton is a quick train jump from Phillie....
Evelyn holds the key...
Every morning I wake up and feel like a caged animal... with only you on my mind,
Then, if I am lucky enough I share a sweet embrace with you, as we did this afternoon, and the cage door swings open and I am again released.
My heart being freed by your embrace soars high into the sky, only to slowly float down to earth again as the sun sets on the day.
And this joyus and painful cycle repeats again and again, day after day.
But this is love, and I would not have it any other way.
-Always,
Your Frank