deevaa,
I am sorry if you think these things I have said are too personal to be public. I hope I am not too personal here.
I have this problem. I have no shame for anything I've done and anything I've said. I learned how to do this from her.
I will quote a piece of poetry by a friend that is not yet published.
"Loving someone that cannot love you, and writing good poetry that will never be read by, or heard by anyone else " -- are both not good for you -- " ...like emotional mastrubation." You feel better for a bit, but ultimately, you could spend your time doing something constructive. Like sharing yourself with someone that may listen and appreciate it.
I could not refrain from sharing this. I wrote it after reading what she wrote for me after I told her I would no longer call her anymore a very very long time ago. I had not read it before because she wrote it for herself, to me, but never told or shared it with me, until now. It hurt greatly and I responded in kind. These two poems are not all of the conversation. I guess I am just as childish and hurtful and mean to have responded. My lame excuse is that maybe this will do someone else who feels this way some good or help them understand something of love.
We stopped sending e-mails for her health (and maybe mine).
I posted here because if she checks this site for her name, she will have asked for what she finds. As I did when i found hers. As for health, it would make much sense to stop for the health of her soon-to-be-husband, whom I think she posted both poems for.
I think hers was hurting me to make me stay away or hurting me to prove to herself and/or him and/or me that she doesn't feel anything for me or something. Even though that just proves that she does feel something she is not comfortable with.
we said goodbye. If she didn't care, didn't hurt, then she would have just posted the one to her fiancee, whom I have never met, but wish the best of luck.
words from someone do not hurt unless you let that person hurt you because you care for their opinion or their regard.
It does not matter. These are just words. That ring she will wear. That will be an action. I hope he does not cause her the ulcers I did.
I hope she has not called me and gotten no answer. I am out of town. Hence the first line. Hehe.
no -- not to personal, but they did make me squirm.. its a sign of good poetry to hit that mark where the reader feels uncomfortable about peeking into your heart!
dee
Tokielass
You've got the touch...A Heart's Compass
Yikes!!!!!!!!!!
Wounded...but I understand---react much the same way to the name "Lori"--for many of the same reasons...
Ouch...fat tear rolling down cheek...
Maybe your dad can help me get the name changed to something more acceptable...
Hi guys, I'm really enjoying the subs coming in this month, as always. Especially nice to see so many new faces pouring out their guts here : ) Humbled by your feedback, kevin and gala - what an enormous boost, coming from such prolific writers as the two of you.
oh... and Gala, I don't live in Wisconsin!
Forgive me wench---Madison Wisconsin----DUH! Always associate the two...and how's you?
re: how's me; see email :)
Guppy- "collidescope" and "songbirds" ...amazing
-Jenna-
wow...i take a break for like two seconds, and the blender is swamped with new subs. i guess they will just have to wait until after work, but i will get to them, and maybe a few of my own that i only half wrote, and we shall see what comes of it....does that even make sense?
thank you Blenderites for giving me something to look forward to at the end of the day! :)
Happy Monday everyone!
crawling back to work...
Okay---the day is looking up...I have a much loved neighbor who has decided that from time to time I need "tribute"---so he sprinkles my doorstep with rose petals...today were a brilliant red...
I defy any woman to come home to that after a crappy day---no matter how crappy---and not smile....
Thanks Jeff....
Gala
<grin> heya heya deevaa's back and shes..... baaaaaaaaad.
(hmm... not sure where all the perk came from... maybe the double latte on an empty stomach.. do you think caffine is like alchol?)
where to start...
Gala -- petels on your doorstep... that is like *melt* I wish....
guppy -- yes yes yes... more please. NOW!
smouldering -- you are gonna hit me, but I was chatting with Mr guppy last night, and he told me that you are male... <grin> ya know..... hmmm.... for some reason, deevaa had presumed.... and... well.... <blush> sorry.... SO... I went back and re-read your poetry, and ya know, it puts a totally different swing on things! I liked the smoked heart one... liked it before too...
Paul... your new one... very nice.
<grin> I think I'm done...
<wiggles off stage right singing> "I don't want your money honey I want your love, love love love, loooooove.... I WANT your love"
I want to see poems that talks about a girl that I care about.
oh gosh... maybe I should have spell checked that before pressing <submit> ohhhhhhh I.... oh man!
dear whomever made the comment about wanting to see poems about the girl you care about,
sure thing...i'll get right on it...of course it will be nearly impossible to accurately describe her having absolutely no idea who she is...but, what the hell, never stopped me before...i think a romance poem about an anonymous person's anonymous girl is well within the boundaries of my vagueness
dee---now?...bossy arencha?...ha...i'll see what i can come up with
smoldering---um...i apologize for my dear friend dee's behavior...she sometimes is deluded into thinking that guys enjoy being mistaken for girls...ha...
jenna---thanks for the compliment...the words seem to be falling into place better than they have in a long time...*knock on wood*...
k...bye now,
gup
gup, so ya think I'm bossy huh? you ain't seen nothing yet sweetheart... <grins and blows kisses to her favourite fish>
Calypso and Terry, thank you for your comments on "A Heart's Compass." (I even like this one and I have been hating everything i write lately <grin>)
Toke
hey ya b b b b b b blendersssssssss
todays pretty. i liked today, i am thusly satisfied.
i'm in puberty, i have broken out, i'm 21 and with acne problems, and as i type i hear my ex boyfriends car pulling up out front.......ohhhhhhhh isn't love wonderful?????
just wanted to say hi......i'm attempting this contact thing......i've decided i like contact, and i don't have too much of it lately, so heres my attempt. man i sound pitiful.
gup- hi.
others-hi, i don't know you very well, but hi you cool cats.
dee-hi.
is this working yet??? okay doorbell, farewell!!!
sarah
Megs,
Love 'Why I hate May and the name Lisa...'! Very good...
Sarah~ I just adored "harley"...what a vivid imagination! :)))
Toklas: A Heart's Compass ... beautiful! ... thanks for finding me to do that one. Congrats on ALL the front page picks here ... and ALL the other works. I know a number of you personally, and am just amazed and always delighted at the sharing of this creative community. I am always moved at the talent and depth of feeling when it comes to romance with a passion here.
Toklas (and others) has introduced herself ... I think that is a great idea in letting readers know a little of where
the verse and the inspiration generates with these writers. If you don't have a site, I have often seen deeva and others graciously offer to help anyone in that department.
I am currently involved with the fairytale romance and perils of life instead of writing so much verse about it now. You might drop-in and drop-kick me into a poetic line or two by signing our sweetheart guestbook or comments books. We do read them and answer the e-mail over the years they have been up.
I have enjoyed visiting the sites from many of you poets, and signed guestbooks when they were working. I would like to see more sites listed here where all of us can keep up with all of you writers. Each of you have become more than a speck in the universe to us ... we care to keep up with you.
http://members.tripod.com/~TruLeigh/index.html
Yours TruLeigh and Friends ........ Rennie
Rennie is right, I'll add a page to my web site to any poet that asks me too.. provide me with the poetry and the graphics and its there....guppy, Gala, Kev, Shady and Misti already feature... email me and let me know.
smouldering... I've just noticed something in your bio...
If guppy is your claim to fame, and he introduced you to the Blender, and introducing the guppy to the Blender is MY claim to fame does that mean I'm somewhat responsible for you being here too... to therefore.... whooohooooo... I'm a poetry pimp!
dee
PS... we should form a band... don't you think 'the smouldering deevaa' would be a good name... ummm... yeah.. too much coffee today... <dashing off>
ok...so I'm alittle behind on the subs....sorry...
Ian C-BellyButton...once I got into the rhythym of it, I found that I love the way it flows...cool
Toke--I love Heart's Compass..it makes me want to hit the road and fly straight to that crazy man of mine...sigh...thanks!
Billy Boy--I Think About You...YYou're right....toooften the words aren't enough....we can onlyhope that the feelings behind them can grasped by those theyare meant for...
Terry--I like Secret of the Rose...and you need to stop making me cry, you big poem bully
Kev--good work with the sower and delivery...they make me want to smack myself in the head for not seeing something that was right there in front of me...
Eric--I don't usually say much about your stuff...I like it..but sometimes I think I get a different meaning from it than youintend...maybe I am too literalat times to read poetry....anyway...I really like Till Now, I felt Nothing....yes...even a goddess such as I has been there and can relate...thanks...
Oh my gods...Misti Lives! and oh how she does..Misti..Sole Mates gave me goose bumps....yowza! I love pieces like that..keep it up girl!
Paul! Possibilities...the end kind of knocked me for a loop...I wasn't expecting it...good job....and smile...just cuz I said so.. :)
Gup--I love Curtain.....gimme more like it! puleasssse???
Aww Megs--I think Why I hate Mayand the Name Lisa is very well put...and my heart goes out to you,girl..
OK.....now that I have read enough to make me cry when I was in agood mood, I will have to save the rest for later. I am starving, and this post is long enough (sorry Kirk).
I'll be back later......ain't I always?
off and running for the peanut butter...nikki
Nikki,
Thank you very much for the comments, it means a lot to hear that from such a talented poet. But, just to let you know, the meaning that you get from the poetry you read, is the meaning that was intended for you to receive. And not just from my poetry, from EVERYONE's poetry. If you get something out of anything, the writer is happy, no matter how you perceive their writing, or should be, just for the mere fact that you read it, and got SOMETHING out of it. And I thank you for reading my submissions :-)
Later:-)
Dee..."poetry pimp"! I love it!
Megs...I owe you an e-mail, chica. I can identify with your Lisa poem. I have a few hated first names, myself.
Nikki...thanks so much! The title and the poem itself are filled with anagrams. Lotsa interesting ones, that's for sure.
...this has nothing at all to do with romance or poetry (actually, i think it IS kinda poetic but I tend to find poetry and art in weird stuff...like garbage and candy bar wrappers, so forgive), but I have been inspired by the inmates at the pre-parole facility where I work, more or less(I've only been there a week and have already called in sick). They make this cheesecake type thing that they call "penitentiary pie"- they make it outta the duplex cookies and coffee creamer and sugar and lemonade they buy in the commisary. I've heard it's really good! And when I hear the inmates singing gospel songs during choir practice or rap songs in the dorm, I just feel like I'm witnessing true holiness. I could be in the pen myself, and will be if I ever get pulled over for a speeding ticket in Arizona. I'm "crazier than the Devil," though, to quote an old Army buddy. I would love to be incarcerated for awhile. Would give me time to catch up on my reading and writing.
~misti, una chica de la noche americana
Misti,
'SoulMates' ....WOW....Double WOW
Oh, yeah. P.S. I'm a dork. You know it, I know it.
Regarding my sole mate poem, I meant to say that the title and different phrases in the poem are anagrams I found in our names combined. Oops.
Terry...just posted that last comment before I read yours. Bless you. I needed a double wOw!!! I'm in a jalapeno juice drippin' gut twistin' kinda mood. I'm going to do some laundry now. Zen isn't necessary. Four loads of laundry does it for me.
Guppy, Loved 'Collidescope'
Nikki- Thanks for your compliments...I do HATE that name and...its a hard thing to put on paper...
What is your email again hun?
I am really superstitious about the word hate tho...hmmmm...oh well I just used it in a title for all the Internet world to see...there goes THAT superstition. Is it ABSOLUTELY insane that in my HEAD I know I have this guy who LOVES me and would never hurt me but since he has before (at this particular time of year) I am all afraid...is it like being in a car accident or something? Certain fears never go away? ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! I am insane maybe?
Gala- I love YOU and I will keep calling you Fairy Godmother and avoid your first name for safety reasons *grin*
Misti=email...hmmmmm...I am waiting? Inbox empty :(
I wrote a FEW emails a couple nights ago...who are the guilty folk who haven't yet replied? Can I see hands?
Off to bed...one poem a month might be all I can muster.
*Night Kins*
Megs
And can I add to Brian the 14 year old- your poem reflects a sweet heart and if any 14 year old had written me a poem at that age I would be married to him this minute *smile* I give you credit whether you read this or not...
Dee,
Male? Female? Pimp?
I feel so used!
Megs! I'm retarded! What's your e-mail address, again???
Misti....you're a dork? I'm a dork...Do you guys and gals know that I sit with two screens open, both of the Blender, so I can actually remember what I was trying to write after I read? Yeah...my loss of memory is setting in at the untimely age of 25 3/4...
Anyway....my point....I don't have a point.
Megs...my e-mail...and for anyone else who has yet to send me something..hmmm...is precious_lana@hotmail.com.
For those of you who have obligingly sent me correspondence....I bow gracefully to you....
Eric...I'm blushing..you think I'm talented? gosh...thanks! and I mean that...and I do get something from your poetry...actually from a lot of the poetry I read here...and I know that that is a good thing....maybe I didn't put what I was trying to say clearly...I don't get much metaphorically...that is what I was trying to say...without making myself look stupid..:)
Oh yeah...Megs..I know what you mean about the whole superstitious thing....and the word 'hate'...
hey Dee-- stop pimping the poets...sheesh lady :)
pssst...smoldering...I knew you were a guy :)
feeling like a cow from the McD's....nikkiiiiiiii
Brian! If youread this, I was impressed. When I was 14 I wrote some poems...and I look back on them today and laugh to think that those words ever came out of my head. Keep writing.
Misti--Mineable sounds like something that I should have put topaper in the past couple of days....are youstepping onto mine and Terry's wavelength (although I think he has abandoned me)?
out on a limb.....but all my friends are ready to catch me....(ooo I gotta write that into something)
OK, so,
Just read most of the new subs,
Props again everybody!
Gala, you do battle without mercy! Applause!
Terry, you fight well, good Sir!
Nikki, as always, nice... elation goes well with love methinks.
Sarah, vivid images. Very passionate.
Brian, Well done. You have your credit.
Kevin, "another night" is a perfect description.
Misti, pissed is a good mode for you, Mineable reads like fire!
Nice.