From: Dana [email-masked]<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

"you are to me"  as i am to you.  i'll try not to use any "explosive" adjectives to describe how this made me feel.  (by the way, don't think i don't know where the toes came from) i have never felt so... i lack the words.  the feelings of protection and yet the overflowing of emotions are quite well put.  there's a real feeling of safety and yet "she" is yearning for that something more.  so much so she feels as if she had created the fissure when it may have been a combined effort of the rock wanting to be alive ...to be more...<BR>
<BR>
takecare, <BR>
-dana
<HR>
From: terry<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Calypso,<BR>
'Night's Sleep' evoked something very deep in me. That is VERY well written...<BR>
<BR>
t.
<HR>
From: HMS<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Michael - I don't know if I actually agree with the quote from "moonstruck," but I still think it's great.  (And I'd follow Nicholas Cage anywhere when he says it!)
<HR>
From: Angel<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Dee~"you are to me", was ***BRILLIANT*** ...I loveeeed it!!!<BR>
     The quality in that ONE excuses you for lack of quantitiy this month *SMILE*<BR>
<BR>
'nother group ((((((HUUUUUUUUUUUG))))))
<HR>
From: Michael (sighing)<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Nikki ~ I will try to make this short. Dejaya is not talking to me. She is writing me a bunch of anonymous posts in responses to my poems and emails. She's only communicating through this board. I'm unbalanced right row. DeJaya = Evangeline = a chick = Courtknee Luvv =?<BR>
Michael = shareware = tranman = Yossarrian = some guy<BR>
I don't know what she wants. If she wanted to be with me. Just be with me. That would be enough for now.
<HR>
From: deevaa<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

nikki, Megs, Angel and (last but definatly NOT least -- very much the opposite) thankyou all for your props &lt;blushin&gt;<BR>
<BR>
dee
<HR>
From: deevaa<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

&lt;blushing harder now&gt; that was MEANT to read.... last but definatly NOT least -- very much the opposite) Dana....<BR>
<BR>
oh help.. I'm gonna go hide.<BR>
<BR>
dee
<HR>
From: deevaa<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

god... I'll just give it up now.<BR>
<BR>

<HR>
From: Michael<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Nikki ~ I was talking to Megs I think.<BR>
<BR>
Kirk ~ it would be easier to do this if we has user accounts.
<HR>
From: Riggs<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

thanks Jenna and nikki<BR>
<BR>
I love ripping the paper off!!
<HR>
From: Kirk, Blender-Keeper<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Michael, what would be easier?<BR>
<BR>
I mean, yeah, there are some things that would be better with logins, and I've been on a few projects so that I could probably pull it off, but it's a huge amount of work, and won't be happening all that soon. (And couldn't prevent people from playing games with identities anyway...)
<HR>
From: Kim Wu<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Michael...No matter what other peepul think! You find good place here, good place to share troo feelings and reflecshuns on difficulty of romance! Girl in D.C. crazy not to run to you arms! She on crack?!! Please keep sharing poems! No good to let stoopid peepul scare you away!
<HR>
From: Billy Boy <BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Hey folks! My new web page is up! Come on over and check it out... Thank you, thank you very much...<BR>
<BR>
Here it is:<BR>
<BR>
http://www.oe-pages.com/RELIGION/Atheism/elvi/
<HR>
From: Marcia Marcia Marcia<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Thanks to Kim Wu and Billy Boy for directing me to Create Uh Page. You'll find mine at www.oe-pages.com/POLITICS/Libertarian/pixturepurrfect<BR>
<BR>
Michael,<BR>
  Why Kurt Cobain? Why Eddie Vedder? Why not Rick Astley? At least he has a positive outlook on life and doesn't whine about success. Go Rick!
<HR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

This is more like it............<BR>
Michael = shareware = tranman = Yossarrian = some guy= DeJaya = Evangeline = a chick = Courtknee Luvv = who next?<BR>
Michael seemed to have used the term 'playing this game' correctly.<BR>
<BR>

<HR>
From: kevin urenda<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Kirk-<BR>
You are so right...<BR>
People who play games on the computer are likely do do so everywhere...  No need for you to be a programming superman on top of the sometimes herculean effort you have already put into this wonderland of a Blender (I, for one, realize you have a LIFE).  THANK you, Kirk, for providing a place where people CAN be themselves...<BR>
 <BR>
That said, what harm would there be in everyone just being who they are?  Nicknames are one thing...  multiple personalites, though...<BR>
<BR>
k
<HR>
From: Christopher Lake ([email-masked])<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

deevaa--<BR>
<BR>
Just a respectful disagreement with one of your recent postings...<BR>
<BR>
I've read a good deal of Misti's contributions to the Blender--both on the Board and poetry--and I don't think it's fair to put her work on the same level as some of the recent postings on this site. Of course I'm biased, but I think she has a solid body of work (OK...I think she's brilliant!) and deserves respect for that.<BR>
<BR>
I do agree with you entirely on the matter of anonymous comments, though. Commenting without identifying oneself is cowardice, pure and simple...
<HR>
From: DeJaya<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Do any of you people know any one else on this page?  I mean really know them?  I know Michael.  I've actually seen him face to face.  I just spoke with him this morning.<BR>
  <BR>
I've only posted under one other name, so he's gonna quit with the wild accusations.  The "evil posting game" is over.  It was never meant to be such a thing in the first place, but Michael does imaginate very well.  <BR>
<BR>
I wish you all peace and happy writing, but I also wish for you all the ability to laugh and cry with genuine emotion in real time...face to face.  Elvis has left the building. 
<HR>
From: Michael (mortally embarassed)<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Kirk, Dee, HMS, Nikki, Megs, All ~ <BR>
Dejaya = Evangeline<BR>
Michael = Yossarrian = tranman= shareware!= Some guy<BR>
Other people = courtney love = some girl = various other sundry people that Michael thought was Dejaya but were not.<BR>
<BR>
I bascially jumped to a wrong conclusion and spent a threeday weekend having angrily serenading and having virtual sex with a ghost. Mentally mastrubating myself because I'm so vain I thought Velvet Elvis was about me. She says it's not. And I believe her.<BR>
<BR>
If embarrasement could kill I'd be dead.<BR>
<BR>
And you didn't see the truly naked ugly real incredibly personal things I sent in email. Thank god.<BR>
<BR>
I'm going to crawl into a nice warm hole and shut the hell up for a few years.<BR>
<BR>
Michael (wrapped around a tree in a distrubed state)
<HR>
From: Megs<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

This has all been a lil piece of drama that I guess I totally do not understand.  Not that THAT is anything new...but I like to think that we can all manage to be just one person (ourselves) on this website.  There is enough game playing in real life...and I love this place enough to hope it might be a little different than real life.<BR>
<BR>
Or am I totally off base as to what is going on?<BR>

<HR>
From: Michael (embarrassed as hell)<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Kirk ~ could you hide all my poems so they don't get seen anywhere but the new subs board?<BR>
Or at least all but the "sane" ones?<BR>
And get rid of the comments?<BR>
I'm sorry I lost control of myself. That happens sometimes.<BR>
<BR>

<HR>
From: Micahel (embarrassed as hell)<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

I'm spamming again. I posted a summary of why I went and did the things I did so hopefully some of you can understand why I went off. I'm a total idiot but I'll feel less stupid if someone understands. <BR>
<BR>
Kirk ~ sorry I'm still a little off. I wanted the board blenderites to be able to read this stuff but not the people who read the front page....And I wanted people who catch glimpses to understand the whole story from my end.<BR>
<BR>
Well at least I'll be able to work now. I'm such an idiot. <BR>
Michael (crawling away)
<HR>
From: kevin urenda<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

DeJaya-<BR>
As far as meeting people face to face?<BR>
yes...  Dee has...  I have...  And been changed by the experience.  The people here ARE real flesh and bone - these words don't type themselves...  <BR>
<BR>
k
<HR>
From: Kiwi<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Leela tequilla! I was so happy to see a poem of yours on here! And I loved it, by the way!!! *hugs* from your kiwifruit. :-)
<HR>
From: Kiwi<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Megs~ I agree with you. If everyone would pick one name and stick to it, I would be a lot less confused. :-)
<HR>
From: LYNDSAY<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

TO: ALL<BR>
<BR>
Well I am quite new to this site, but I admire all of you and your works.  Although it feels as if I am busting into an A-B conversation or a bunch of life-long friends conversing through the poetry and comments.  Its fun to follow along. By the way Michael, how is your "Swaying Shannon"?  I think we have all been swept away in one of those moments.  Well I hope you like my additions, and I will be ever on the lookout for all of yours.
<HR>
From: Galadrial<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

I leave you guys alone for just a couple of days, and all hell breaks loose? Come on, play nice people. Kirk must be up in his place pulling his hair wondering why on earth he hosts this party of weirdies...myself included.<BR>
<BR>
That said, I will try tonight to address the travails of Chastity...though frankly there's more than enough melodrama around here at the moment...<BR>
<BR>
As one who posted behind masks, I must say that there are times when it seems prudent...but in the long run, it's better to stick to who you are. If you're ashamed to claim your words, perhaps you'd be better not saying them. And as for multiples to be cruel, spiteful, or deceptive...don't even ask me to go there please.<BR>
<BR>
Dee?   lava Lady....ummmmmmmmmmm.....sssssssssssssss.........wow....smelted my poor puter.....<BR>
<BR>
Caly--- Please write something bad sometime? The rest of us mortals are trying...but you not only do it, but have class style and ease....a class act, as always....<BR>
<BR>
Kev---Your road poems strike a chord....a romantic Kerouac thumbing a lift on the highway of the heart....and then some!<BR>
<BR>
Hank---I have been remiss...but you have a voice sir....<BR>
<BR>
Now then...chaos, destruction, despair? My job is done here!<BR>
<BR>
                                       Gala,<BR>
<BR>
                                       Laughing
<HR>
From: nikki<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Ok, so this comment is probably uncalled for, but seeing as how I am in a totally crabby mood....perhaps Kirk will turn a blind eye to it---I was not aware that people had to meet face to face to be real to one another.  I would just like to point out to Dejaya (forgive me if the spelling is wrong) that there are a few people on the Blender that I consider more real than the people I talk to everyday in my offline life.  If that makes me sad and demented, so be it, but at least I can live with myself when I wake up in the morning.<BR>
<BR>
I will be getting back to the e-mails later on, cuz technically I am still on work time.  :)<BR>
<BR>
Love you guys!...and girls!<BR>
<BR>
PS to Megs..as one who started posting under one name and then changed to my real name, I apologize for any confusion....but lana=lanna=nikki...and I have't used lanna in a couple of months.  :)
<HR>
From: Michael (sad, embarrassed, stupid)<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

All ~ She is a very private person. I have pissed her off greatly by posting here. We did a very strong virtual friendship for a while before the net. We weren't real healthy then. It went to ?serious? dating and failed because there was no context and not enough in common. I never let her go. I'm a bit of a freak for not doing so. I feel like I know her at the deepest levels. But the thing is, I don't know her anymore at the deepest levels. I know maybe 40% of her at the deepest levels. The other 60% has changed. And surface details I got nothing.<BR>
She's more "normal". She let me go a lot easier. She doesn't "love" me anymore. She's got a much stronger love because it's supported by a good mutually supportive relationship. It was a moment of my insanity, of randomly posted posts that by random chance seemed to be counter speaking to my posts and letters. If it was anyone but her, I wouldn't have jumped to such weird conclusions because she used to have problems telling me things and leaving little clues and short phrases everywhere. I don't know if it was on purpose or random and I don't care.<BR>
It is over. I care for her deeply. She cares for me less so. Please respect her privacy and leave her alone and bug me. <BR>
<BR>
Because I misinterpreted a poem that wasn't directed at me. I don't know who velvet elvis was to. Maybe my ghost. Maybe some other dude. Maybe noone. And in doing so, I screwed up and didn't respect her privacy either. I can't read maps. I misinterpret signs. I'm sorry I spammed the board. My saga is over now. <BR>
<BR>
I'm not really going to pursue Shannon. She's 5 years older than me. (I found that out recently) and people say she's cold. I don't want to keep reliving history.<BR>
<BR>
I'm getting much better info about someone else. But I'm not going to say anything because she's part of the company theatre club. And for all I know she reads the board. Don't want her to connect me to the me in real life. Not yet. Not now. Maybe not ever. I've got to learn to stop one way loving people. Loving too soon. Telling too much. Etc. That's how it's played.<BR>
<BR>
And as far as with my first love. It's not maybe. It's never. I'm ok with that.<BR>
<BR>
And I apologize for monopolizing and messing up this board. HMS ~ Love does ruin you. Only the wrong kind though. Leaded fuel.<BR>
<BR>
and I apologize for all the pseudonyms. I was doing them to respond to her privately but on the board. I'll just choose Michael (something) with no email address.<BR>
Michael (Moving on)
<HR>
From: Megs<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Nikki-  Ahhhhhh one alias isn't bad.  LOL.  Maybe I should have tried one before I spouted off about my affair on the Internet.  <BR>
<BR>
I haven't met a one of you tho I have conversated with my darling FGM via the telephone...but look where I turned when my world pretty much fell through.  Is it because I knew everyone here understood?  I can't explain the connection I just know there is one...and that I love Auntie Gala...and Kev...and Dee...and the oh so elusive Guppy...and MistiandChris (our resident couple) *hehe*...and Nikki...and EVERYONE here darn it.  And especially Kirk...cause you know...he rocks!!!<BR>
<BR>
hehe...its my safe haven for a broken heart and HORRIBLE poetry I s'pose.<BR>
<BR>
Sooooo...that is my lil two cents.
<HR>
From: deevaa<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Chris, (and Misti if I offended you too.)<BR>
Just to clarify what I meant. I was talking in regards to the BOARD postings not in regard to Misti's poetry.... Hell I have full respect for Misti's poetry, why else do you think I'd put it on my site? <BR>
<BR>
My point was that Misti in the past has been bashed by anonymous posters, just as Michael is being now, because of being vulnerable and out there on the board.<BR>
<BR>
If I thought the statement was going to offend I'd not have made it, I thought it was a fair thing to say.<BR>
<BR>
As far as meeting folk from the blender....<BR>
<BR>
I stayed for a little under a week with ShadyGirl in NYC, but she seems to have gone AWOL now, I've spoken to Kev, guppy and Dana on the phone. I was meant to be meeting the guppy but he didn't want to be seen with me in a big city.<BR>
<BR>
I'm hoping later in the year, or early next that piglet and Gala can swing me a showing in NYC in a cafe, and that I'll get to meet them, and Dana, (hell, maybe I can talk Kirk and Mo into swinging by at some stage!) and I might give the guppy another go, but I'd have to be feeling real kind!<BR>
<BR>
Thankyou all who commented on 'Lava Lady' although thats not what I called her at the time, maybe I'll rename her.... &lt;giggling&gt; I thought you'd get the toes reference Dana, hope it made you smile a crooked smile.<BR>
<BR>
dee<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>

<HR>
From: sarah [email-masked]<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

whoaaaaaaaaaaaa to much information to ignore on here at the moment.<BR>
<BR>
hi FOLKs<BR>
if there is one thing you do in this lifetime<BR>
TAKE A ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!<BR>
<BR>
just traveled 2500 miles in 3 days and 8 states and an ocean and a bay and rivers and just beauty everywhere!!!!!! mountains i forgot mountains........<BR>
<BR>
and if you can do it with someone you care immensely about, all the better!!!!!!!!<BR>
<BR>
hey folks, (not directed at anyone, really.......) don't live this life dwelling on things you have done that you regret......this life is to short to regret anything, just do what your heart tells you to do, you can't go wrong by that!!!!!!!<BR>
<BR>
and sometimes the deepest and most heartfelt thoughts are not meant for public view.....its not for us to see.  <BR>
<BR>
*stepping off soapbox*<BR>
<BR>
good to be back<BR>
<BR>
sarah
<HR>
From: the guppy<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

what the???<BR>
<BR>
i, being a strong proponent of the lost art of patience when dealing with people, in or out of the context of a relationship or a romance or whatever, have been fully blasted with a whole mountain of stuff here that i have absolutely nothing to say about...besides the old bits of wisdom regarding thinking about what you say, how you say it, who you say it to, who else is going to hear it, and what effects it all might have...and i suppose what alias you are using when you say it...<BR>
<BR>
people usually know all that stuff way more than they let on...
<HR>
From: Galadrial60<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

 Dee...if Me and Andy (or Andy and I) can pull off that show, you have to stay at my house! We'll make Chuck completely nuts...he said the world doesn't need another me.<BR>
I told him you're not me...you're younger, and far more talented...but might not regard making him crazy as a bad thing at all!  And Desi say TK can have her lower bunk....<BR>
<BR>
Oh Man, All Deevaa, All day-------HOWZA!!!!!!
<HR>
From: Michael<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Guppy ~ I'm going to be apologizing for the next several years I imagine. I'm going to be thinking I should be careful what I say for the next few lifetimes too. Like thousand of them.
<HR>
From: Megs<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Dee, Gala, <BR>
<BR>
I want to come play too. <BR>
Hehe.<BR>
I need a vacay anyways.<BR>
<BR>

<HR>
From: deevaa<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Gala --<BR>
<BR>
hehe, tell Desi thanks, but if I'm coming to the USA its for a holiday, and that means no TK.... &lt;grin&gt; His dadda in Japan can have him for a few weeks.<BR>
<BR>
And, yeah I'll stay at your house, but not the WHOLE time, a wench has to share herself around some... &lt;winking in Dana's direction&gt; we've got some snow to see, hey.
<HR>
From: Galadrial60<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

me, Dee and megs---all at the same time? <BR>
<BR>
Sounds good! but How about Nikki and Madison...I'd invite Misti---but i live too close to Chris---she'd be cross the river in a NY minute!<BR>
<BR>
Eat your hearts out guys! Wenchs only!!!!!<BR>
<BR>
And shut up Dee---you'll be hanging with Dana anyway!
<HR>
From: nikki<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

I am soooo there Gala and Dee..if I can' get my Chris to agree...he's kind of particular about where I spend my time when I should be with him..LOL<BR>
<BR>
and sorry about the crabby comment made earlier...and totally sorry about 'Words"...I think it sucks (glancing quickly at Kirk for language) and I was too stubborn to not post it after I realized that I don't like it.....Ihate writer's block!!!!<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
Gup and sarah...good to see you both back!<BR>
<BR>
And Michael..please stop apologizing....thanks!  Nikki
<HR>
From: deevaa agigglin'<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

ummm... Gala, Piglet... me thinks that there'd best be some fast work on your part... looks like we're all geared up for a Blender party.
<HR>
From: deevaa (yeah again)<BR>
Date: 30 May 2000<P>

Misti -- I just read 'the road that lead me to him' ... its freaking good girl. <BR>
<BR>
I loved the flow of.... <BR>
"lookie here, friends and enemies and dictators and bad guys and anonymous guys and village idiots and prostitutes and popcorn vendors and NBA stars and Martha Stewart and all of you who are always Right and <BR>
Always Cool 'cause you never play the Fool...<BR>
I got me some serious LOVE<BR>
and I ain't lettin' go"<BR>
<BR>
(Although, I'm not even gonna try and guess which one I am, esp. after my telling off from Chris this morning.)<BR>
<BR>
dee
<HR>