I just HAVE to say, that if any of the most charming men here have read Playing Games, and perhaps gotten a different perspective than I intended....I am now passing a sign-up sheet for the next team I am planning on running with!!!
Chris W. and Megs...and Claire...you guys are so talented. I love your works.
On a more personal note....(laughing hysterically) I don't know what came over me to make me post that last comment. It's just been a weird few days...not that I guess I need an explanation....new side of me coming out, maybe...I don't know.
Anyway....I'm off, and I love the new subs, and I need to go tosleep now...hopefully it will actually work tonight!
night lovebugs!
Well, i'm going to try my best...don't shoot me for it!!!
1. I believe that there are so many flavors of love there is no way to list them all. Each person, animal, or anything you could love brings a different color of love into your life. Think of all of your past lovers....none of their love has been exactly the same, each one different in his or her own way. If all love was narrowed down to just a few types of love your heart would get bored very quickly!
2. It is very difficult to set parameters until you find one you really love. In life, you wander through your days people come and go, bringing their love and sometimes taking it away. When you are with someone your lines are more defined...So I suppose right now my heart is very defined. I have found one that I truly love and his love in return brings joy into my life and secureness to my heart.
3. I would definetly keep the "ow's." You learn so much from each lover, and along with the pain, you have some good memories to carry on with you also. Each pain of the heart you learn from, and you apply that to relationships that come along next in your life, until you finally find the person you want to be with, and it works, partially because you have learned what to watch for, and how to treat your significant other differently, more lovingly than anyone before. Hindsight is 20/20.
That's all folks!
Beth
I have gotten extremely busy, and fallen behind on the new submissions...But I will catch up soon. in the meantime, here are my thoughts on Gala's questions....(oh boy)
1. How many flavors of love ……….I see life as a kaleidoscope. And love as fluid. Every life that touches mine adds another prism to the constantly changing colors and love exchanged in any form is added to the ocean that exists inside me. In that respect, love is the ultimate infinity in that for each of us it continually grows in every direction. So as to how many flavors of love there may be…my ultimate answer would be as many as there are human souls, because each is unique, and each is capable of any degree and depth and breadth of love they chose to give away (and receive).
2...how difficult is it to set parameters… definite, or blurred? ……. I find myself going the other way on this question. Love is a decision. You decide whether to give love to another, just as you decide to accept it from another. This decision many times is not even of a conscious nature. Many people refuse to face their own decisions and actions in this area. Blaming fate, or bad luck, or some other ‘outside influence’ for the resulting heartache when it occurs. For example; think of love as a plant that requires water, sunlight, fertilizer, pruning, etc…you forget your wife’s anniversary, your girlfriend’s birthday, your mother on mother’s day, to send flowers to your lover after that beautiful night. You have in essence forgotten some of the things necessary to nurture that plant. But why did you forget. THAT was not a conscious decision (though it can be). You usually say, “I’m sorry, it just slipped my mind.” Most such slips are a form of passive-aggressive behavior, subliminated to the id for an autonomic response (or lack thereof). So I think there are definite lines that we either live within or chose to cross. But owning both actions is only honest in my opinion.
3. … erase all memory of the person you loved...Would you do it? Absolutely not. I am who I am, and more importantly, my heart is what it is today because of my entire past experiences both good and bad. In fact, it is a lot of the bad that has shaped the nature of the good that exists in my heart today. Removing the memories, good or bad, would be like taking the brown sugar and cinnamon and raisins and butter out of my oatmeal. Sure it will fill you up and sustain you, but the taste would be lacking…
terry
(Be forewarned, this will be a lengthy post)
Gala-
first of all, I'll answer even though I must profess doubt in your threats! <wink>
BUT, I wish to comment on four poems that caught my eye in recent days...
jill-
the last line of "ironclad" just held my imagination like a story unto itself...
Claire-
The composition of "Scrabble By Moonlight" is both inspired and inspiring. The playfulness of romance is an aspect we often forget about in the seriousness of living...
Gala-
It is almost obvious that the last line of "Skinned Knees of the Heart" was a near-segue into your questions du jour. Loving, REALLY loving, someone, is ALWAYS worth the cost of the memories, be they bitter or bittersweet...
And the way you wove the lyrics of so many songs into "Larger Than Life" only hints at the size of YOUR heart - which the title is merely a hint of.
And with that, I join the fray with my answers to the questions (do minds around here really Enquire?)
1. Love is... flavored? interesting analogy... Easier questions to answer (perhaps) are how many grains of
sand are there on your favorite beach? How many stars in the sky? What I believe is that a real love is all
things at one time or another: lust - friendship - shared interests - contrast - similarity - admiration - devotion
- and more... I try to avoid pigeonholing or categorizing different types of love (and many other important
things in life), but one must, if only for the sake of discussion. Yes is involves emotion, but not ONLY
emotion. Love (even strictly non-romantic relation to another person) always has its physical, spiritual and intellectual aspects. *And* it is not only a neural response to electrochemical stimuli, or hormones on the rampage, etc... Love is also holding your baby son tightly and freaking out because you are afraid to even think that soon he will be all you have left of the one you love (now the son is nearly sixteen). Love is spending a little extra
time to do your lover a kindness they do not expect - just because... Love is humbling yourself before another... For simplicity's sake, I like what Juliet says in R & J, Act II, scene ii: "..the more I give..., the more I have, for both are infinite..."
2. The difficulty is not in setting parameters, it is in sticking to them. People change over time, their character with respect to others changes, change is a constant variable (throwing in a gratuitous oxymoron there...). Catching lightning in a bottle is easier... Actually, I never thought about borders (these are for maps) with respect to how I relate to and with those I love, only (figurative) lines I will not cross. And even these become blurry when covered by the sands of time... Still, to respect and love ones own self, there MUST exist lines that you will simply not cross. It all is a matter of perspective, and my perspective takes on a decidedly different light when I look in a mirror... If I am truthful, I don't always like the guy I see there...
3. What was the line I read today, more baggage than a skycap??? Yep that's ME! (<**TANGENT ALERT**> must have been in Mr. Blue, who published a letter from a reader who wrote something absolutely brilliant - "We don't find our soul mates. We become soul mates over time." I think that soul mates do exist, but that few of us are lucky enough to bump into them in this life, let alone know what to do with the friction...<end/tanget>) I have very few regrets in love, and every one of them involves error on my part.
There are no 'take backs' in this life, as this is no dress rehearsal (or, insert any other trite saying here)... I'd
not sacrifice any love I've ever shared for I know it was and is worth it. My only reason for feeling this way is
that every person who has ever touched my life (and especially my heart) has made me who I am. Some far
better than others because they have loved me well... Also, I accept this inevitability: I am guaranteed to
be hurt (eventually) by anyone I make myself completely vulnerable to. They are no more less perfect than I,
and I am some piece of work... And yes, even when you see it coming it still hurts, but real growth involves
growing pains...
fin...
k
1) I see love as neapolitan ice cream - three flavors. You either love someone LESS than yourself, EQUAL to yourself or MORE than yourself.
2) Blurred - most certainly blurred
3) I find with time I tend to forget the ow's anyway and only remember the good times. So nope, I would erase them. I prefer to hold on to the the reasons I loved them from the start. Forgiveness sets you free.
And Nikki?, Dee? forgive me...I know I owe email, and will get caught up by tomorrow..I promise. luv ya both,
t.
Ok....I think I understand the question now.
2. Given that even romantic love can take a lot of shapes,
how difficult is it to set parameters for your heart? Are the borders definite, or blurred?
-I think that parameters are very easily set and that most of us want parameters for our heart....If your not in true love than most of the time these parameters are held up....But if you are in love, your usually going to be caught up in your love and just go with it.-
1. There are two kinds of love: Mutual, and Unrequited. And Unrequited has two flavors, towards and away from you.
2. Parameters for love? I dunno, it's kind of an oddly phrased question.
3. I can think of only a very few romances I'd even consider that kind of erasing for, and if I gave up the only one that really mattered and caused the most unrequited mooning about, I'd have written a lot less interesting things.
Unrequited love is way underated. It's kind of like smoking. Ultimately it's bad for you, especially in the long term. Both are bad for your health, make you "smell" worse to others, and cause you to pick up annoying repetitive habits, whether it's constantly wanting something in your mouth (smoking) or anxiously checking e-mail (unrequited love). But on the other hand, both have a certain glamour, give us something to do with ourselves, and have a huge deserved mystique and romantic history behind them. Smoking gets you outside where as otherwise you might stick yourself in the office all day, unrequited love gets you to write amusing bon mots where as otherwise you might write nothing but pedestrian e-mail.
OOOH! I'm so glad I came back! I love deep questions! But if this post stops in the middle of a sentence, it means I've got a brain cramp from thinking too much. Summer Break can do that to you. You'll also have to forgive my foolish answers. A young heart is the least conversant, yet the most complacent.
1) Flavors of Love:
I think there are as many flavors of love as there are people on the earth. Probably even more. I think every person has their own unique outlook on love and it sometimes changes through loving different people and having new experiences. I personally have experienced the following types. I refuse to talk about loves that I have not experienced. Convenient love, admiring, obsessive, commandeering, lust, puppy, hopelessly devoted, conventional, friendly, and true. Some of you might laugh at the latter, but I believe I have experienced it. Though most of the adult world doesn't believe it to be possible for someone as young as myself.
2) Borders of the heart
I guess this one depends on the situation. I like to know the situation and what's going on. On that part of a relationship, there must be a clear picture for me to see. Other than that I have no borders. I don't like to put my heart on the line, but when I find someone who I feel strongly enough for, I'll open up and love has no boundaries. Clear or Blurry? I prefer Absent.
3) Ows for the memories
Well, I certainly don't like walking around feeling that dull feeling of knowing I can't have what I really love,but every now and then, I'll have a happy memory. It makes it all worth it. Plus, you learn something from everyone that comes into your life and heart. Whether it is a good or bad lesson, tough or easy to swallow, it can always help you in relationships to come. So I'll keep the ows and the memories, please. I'm just lucky I don't have to be me all the time or I'd drive myself insane.
There's my answers. Though they may be juvenile, they're the only one's I can give. Best be myself than try to trick you into someone I'm not, eh?
Oh, Lydia is in Michigan and having the time of her life. She said to tell you all a big ole' "Hey" for her. She'll be back Friday night.
Oh, you folks are awesome...and Kirk---you are so cool---thanks for adding to the mix....
Now i don't normally do this---but since the parameter question seems to cause a bit of consternation....
Robert Heinlein wrote a ton of stuff---and is best remembered for Stranger in a Strange Land---but a theme he began with that book---that recurred in his later work was that the human heart should not be limited. That the more you love---and more ways you love, the more you are capable of. This is a rough concept in a society based in monogamy...and I am not speaking of sexual fidelity. Our weddings usually include a line about "keeping ourselves unto each other" which is a pledge of fidelity---but is not a prohibiton about love.
Most men would probably enjoy some form of polygamy--in a perfect world---but would freak at the thought of it's equal and opposite---polyandry. Like it or not, as a society, we turn a blind eye to a man who strays----but will pillory a woman for the same....
I guess this was where the concept of parameters rooted. And no, I'm not suggesting open marriage---but i love my husband. And i have come to love a lot of people since the day I took my vows with him---and in my case, my loving someone else took nothing from him---I think it even helped at times---when I went into high gear loving---and he was saturated...
By parameters, I meant the lines between relationships. I have a sister i have loved all my life...and I love Dee almost as much---because she is wonderful, talented, and was kidnapped by gypsies...my loving Dee doesn't make me love my sister less. And my loving people takes nothing from my family---and teaches my daughter that the human capacity to love is vast........
So says Gala........
k
So your saying that if you have blurred parameters then your in an open relationship, and if you have parameters then your in a closed relationship?
If that's the case then I would have to change my answer.
Sir, if I had all the answers, would I bother asking questions?
Gala
Re:Angel
Nature inspired. Why don't catapillars want to become butterflies?
Well, anony I am pleased you picked up on that...was, after all, my entire reason for choosing a caterpillar for that piece...(not yet matured...desirable...easily squeezed)...and the answer is , they do...just not before they are ready.
And Gala, in response to ho many 'flavors of love'...I haven't a clue...I AM NOT THROUGH TASTING...HA!
*GREAT BIG SMILE*
C.L. -- I don't think thats what she is saying... I read it as there is a blurring in the types of love within each relationship weather it be sexual or not, but in saying that it doesn't mean that you have to be sexual with more than one person.
dee
ohhh there were loads of sensual goodies in new subs today... what is summer doing to you guys??
'Tongue' by Sarah, Terry's 'what I want', Megs with 'all spice', Claire -- 'Reveries Design' (which was particularly beautiful by the way) ..... wow... I shouldn't read this stuff at work...all very very sensual.
Chris W ... (blushing a little) both your new works where lovely... I especially enjoyed 'water is as water does'.
take care of your hearts.
dee
dee: thanks for the comment, although i went back and read weeping willow and thought it sucked. the ending was too abrupt and it just didn't work the way i thought it did when i wrote it.
kevin: soul mates was awesome. i like that epigrammatic approach. very clever
sarah: black leather and tongue...very sexy stuff.
GALA,
pondering questions. I'll give it a shot. Borrowing a little.
I agree love is a spectrum, sort of like a rainbow, consiting of many colors and fading into the next. Lust maybe red and attraction yellow. Blue for emotion and green possibly context. Throw in some orange for friendship. Remove a color from a rainbow, is it still a rainbow? Remove a feeling from love, is it still love?
A heart needs parameters to stay healthy. It can still beat freely and rhythmically contained in it's thoracic cage, remaining protected.
Never. I've had the experience of losing a person who I held as a friend, boyfriend, brother, and son. Maybe a soul mate. I've endured tremendous heartache, but I learned and experinced so much with him to make me who I am today.
oh, and sinneD: a little love and blown were really well written. i like your style.
Chris W -- ok so it sucked, I was just saying I liked it to please you. (rolling her eyes -- MEN!)
I just want to apologize to those that have tried to email me in the past week or so. My email is temporarily down but it is back, so you will get mail tomorrow, you havent been forgotten!
Zero #1- Loved your latest, thanks for the inspiration!
Good Night!
-Jenna-