angel---ha, me=fearing the wrath of the tater sack...nice explanation of the dimpled chad thing...if only the reporters could have been so concise...ha
kev---spanglish is what happens when people believe the whole "dry heat" idea (not like a sauna, like an oven)...i blame the "wet cold" (insert (appliance created for some unknown purpose, but including freezing temps and high humidity) here) for the language, and anything else needing a convenient excuse, around here...ha...products of our environment, i say
gup
gala---you're one of those writers that takes the reader places...you have a talent for hitting the senses...i like the way you use scent...it's one of our most powerful image/memory triggers (humans i mean...and other animals too...ha)...i figure that writing well enough to allow somebody to smell it is doing a pretty good job...i think a great way to hit the universal button with writing is to account for the senses...especially romance stuff...
gup
Wow guppy~ 'listener' was superb, but O2 is stunningly good!
t.
Gala~ "your touch a sparklers ghost trail on my skin."
What a great poetic image this is. I absolutely love this line! 'Hissing After Midnight' is very sensuous, and i agree with guppy. You regale the reader with sensual overload...
t.
Boy do I need someone to edit.....Gala that is 'Kissing after Midnight'.......lol....although hissing paints quite the image too...
terry (sorry)
Gup and Terry,
Gentlemen, you flatter this elf...my thanks!
Gala
On second thought, the pair of you made me blush like hell---and before I even touched my coffee! Gupster, many years ago, a mentor guoted Whitman to me...something like " A true writer can make words dance, sing, make love..." you get the drift. I'm hoping that "smelling" fits in there somewhere!
And thanks Terry...that line sprang up out of no where. My old writing prof said I was very annoying---could redeem a single mediocre poem with one line that would make you drool. I think that was a compliment...
Gala
Deeva,
"Chad" Everette? He has dimples, doesn't he?
Yes, people---!
(herein follows critically engaged comment... To be critically positive is to say WHY you like something, not just THAT you like it.)
skimming a few poems I read this morning to start my day off right, I was struck by the following:
gup-
knowing what HEPA filtration is (I am in the field, somewhat) I found the metaphor in O2 to be concise and beautiful in its simplicity and understated tone. There is a world within the second line of that poem that gives the poem as a whole a place to live (and breathe, no pun intended). Excellent work.
B.K.-
your work is at its best when it is leaner and tighter, as in "Loves Time Writers." I judge my work the same way. A poem ought never try to do too much, and this poem is consistent in tone and imagery. And the image of "steal[ing]hours of beautiful light" sealed the deal for me. Keep up the good work.
Speaking of sealing the deal...
Gala-
coupling what you said on the blender board with your poem this morning, I was struck with just those words. In some ways (though you know I simply adore the way your poems caress my mind with words) your professor was right. What you do best is seal the deal. Even when you are not at your very best, you still seal the deal with a twist or an absolutely breathtaking line or two. You come up with such lines consistently. But sometimes a whole poem is elevated because of its inner consistency. This is so with "Kissing After Midnight." The idea of two lovers not being able to get enough of each other is the foundation of the poem. The tactile imagery is similar to what you have written elsewhere before (e.g., "drugging kisses"), only this time it is even tighter than usual. Though the words say much, they are understated in that they don't try to do *too* much as a whole. That is what poetry at its BEST does. It makes us see, taste, feel, smell more than the words seem to do individually (which, again, is something you do with remarkable consistency). A poem creates a whole other world in our minds, and the worlds you create are places I enjoy being taken. AND you still seal the deal. The image of "...sparklers ghost trail..." is truly magical. I envy someone who could be written of like that.
k
Ali~ Thank you for 'I Cannot Cry' sometimes it feels wrong not to cry, but if you can't then maybe it wasn't as perfect as you thought.
Gala~ I think that all woman struggle with the label "Bitch" whether they know it now...or years from now. Although, something that I've learned...I'm a good person and those who preceive to call me a bitch...are those who never really knew me.
Brandy
2 Brandy~ " I can not Cry"
I loved it
I felt like that once
It just didn't hit me that he was gone
But for months to come after that
I started missing him and I would just have these emotional stebacks everytime I talked about it or saw him
It's getting better now
Because Time has helped me to get thru it
But once again gr8 poem
Says so much truth...
Thanks Kev....
Did you guys call each other up or something?
Gala
Amy Chandler~ '*Changes*' made me think of a love that I lost and how I wish that it had ended up. Very beutiful!
Gala~ 'Kissing After Midnite' so descriptive and unbelievable, you really are a true artist!
Elaina~ 'Someday' is what everyone that hopes to find love and has lost love will someday realize. I lost my fiance and you put into words what I felt and still feel. 'Unspoken Words' is exactly what I feel about someone if I fall in love with them...I could never tell them for fear of getting hurt again. These are both wonderful works!
Keep smiling,
Brandy
me aka niki~ Thank you!! Its beginning to feel like a trend these days. This was the most recent and most difficult. I let my heart go too quickly and he ran away with it. Thank you again.
Brandy
guppy - as always - your submissions are wonderful. interesting imagry...to snort someone. hm. (and i'm just curious - what DID you eat?)
and
Gala - kissing after midnight - you just described my favorite part of the night.
Brandy~ Thank you so much. However, I'm not sure if it's that kind of love. If you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel I'm in love with him and other times I'm not quite sure and I've come to realize if you have to question the thought then you're really not. I love him I know that, but I'm not in love with him and I hope he understand that. Thank you, you made my day.
xoxo
elaina
Elaina~ I do know what you're saying. I've been in the situation myself. I'm at the point now that I'm looking for a long term relationship that will hopefully turn to marriage. And if I have to ask myself if I'm really in love or not, then for me its not working. I think that he'll understand if you tell him like you just told me.
Brandy
Great discussion board......
http://underwire.msn.com/underwire/community/mcBBS/adult/BBSlist.asp?b=1009&p=1&s=0
Niki~ 'Time Heals'...love it. =)
Elaina~ 'Someday' was really great...very wistful.
Gala~ 'Kissing After Midnight' was amazing...I think I'm speechless, I'm in such awe.
Love and dreams, Ali
Ali~ Thank you.
Brandy~ Thanks I know he will. Fortunatly things like this don't really affect my future, I'm only 16 and MARRIAGE is hopefully not coming up too soon.
xoxo
elaina
2 Ali~ "self-Impossed"
OH my God....I truly love this poem
It says everything what I believe in and I do
The putting on a happy face and acting as though your strong and don't care
But in reality I'm dying from the inside and crying for help
"I want to believe
That I'm wrong
I want to believe
That what he said
Was true
I fancy that he had
Good reason
To do what he did..."
I prayed to God and wished upon every falling star that he would come back with reasons and apologizes that are true and make sense so that I could forgive him
And the last part I find the best
"I'm almost afraid
No, I am afraid
That you'll show up
Tomorrow
And turn my life
Completly inside-out
For it is only partially
Upside down
Today...
That you'll tell me
Everything
That I want
So badly to hear
Regardless of the fact
That it
Might not
Be true
And I'm weak
Right now
Have been
Since you left
And I just don't know
Exactly what
I'd do
I don't know if I can
Believe anything
That you say
Or more correctly
If I should
Because the world calls you
A liar
And that is something
I'm pressed to believe...
But the world does not
Know you
As I do...
But, there's an interesting
Possibility
Which is that, perhaps
I truly
Don't know you
At all..."
When that idea struck me
That I knew somebody that wasn't realy him
That his act was just fake, everything we did, talked about was just not true
It was all build on a fondation of lies
That Just killed me
And still does and always will
Great poem, love it
=)
2 Alaina~ "someday" I liked that one
My best friend once told me
WHen I called her up in tears
Because he had left me
She said something like this
" someday He'll regret what he has done, When your going to get all the best guys, he's going to be jeaulous And going to come back like a Fool, He didn't know what he had and what he threw away, your worth much more then him, he's an asshole, not even that cute, forget him, he's not worth it..."
Love the poem