SORRY EVERYONE: I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all the typos' in my recent poems, I write late at night and sometimes when I'm in a hury, so I hope you still understand them.
xoxo
elaina
I recently submitted a few poems. I would appreciate any feedback anybody has.
Sorry I've been unresponsive. Been sick lately. This contains hopefully constructive criticism -- those uninterested can skip on..
Ali ~ I like your stuff. I think you have a knack for finding good universal abstractions. "For we are engineered
To handle the lies And shy From the truth Always Underestimating The impact of illusion." I like that one.
I just see two tendencies. Sometimes you use too many abstractions that seem overused, and dilute their impact by using so many. And sometimes, your stuff. Just seems. To end. In Midsentence. All the. Time. I like it when the pauses are used to emphasize a break, word, or phrase. And yours do. They just emphasize so many breaks, and there are so many pauses that I lose the flow. I'd like to see more variance between long and short phrases personally. If you listen to the radio, perhaps you can think of it in terms of music. If you keep breaking the flow of the music, you lose track of the music. But you can use lots of breaks, if you use them according to some sort of rhythm. An example of what I mean is Madonna's new song "Don't tell me". I'd like you to add that tool of varying phrase length to your works. But at the same time, I don't want you to lose what makes your works yours. Remember, your style is your style.
Niki ~ First of all, I liked "Love you still". I felt close to that once. I've noticed that most of your work is directly to him. Now I had this problem where I posted directly to a woman once, a long time ago. Most people didn't want to read that. Thank goodness, because at the time I was on the frayed edge of sanity. My recommendation is that you write more of your works to us. Tell me about him and you. But also, tell me something that is special. What about him and you makes him and you special? For example, you guys kissed. What makes that special? You kissed after 3 seconds after being apart for a little while? What was the kiss like? Where? What's a personal detail that would make this interesting or exciting? Give us something that is Niki, something that is no one else -- but also give us something that we can relate to, that we'd have felt, that is universal. For example, in Deeva's "Isn't the sense of smell a strange and wonderful thing?" she mentions sniffing a cologne in an elevator. She names the cologne. she mentions the man, and gives me a picutre of him. I understand the sensation. I've smelled this perfume a lady wore and remembered her with fondness.
My point of view is that I want something with a hook, a personal touch, that is short and sweet or starts out strong and keeps on coming, or just catches me by surprise with some really sweet line. Because I don't have a lot of time to spend reading anymore, and I think that's the point of view of some of the uncommenting regulars. I don't know. Most of the regulars don't comment on me anymore. :-(
That's just some of my advice guys. Feel free to take my advice or not. As for me, I'm sure I could use some. I rhyme too often, ramble too much, and proofread too little. I'm egotistical at times, and my stuff is usually either depressed over some woman or giddy in admiration or bitter and upset. Sometimes it's incredibly singsong, and sometimes it has no hook. And I've been known to write long, boring unreadable things. Keep writing, because a) that's how you get better and b) you never know what someone's going to like. I'm reading.
Dee, and others...don't go. Please. Like life, this board is what we make it.
i like all love stories, how could i send my love stories in your channel. coz i want you guys to know my love stories and for you to help me about it.
pls.....email me back
labsiejheng
I never said I was going to leave. Sorry folks its harder than that to get rid of me.
There's been awful lot in the blender lately that has simply discouraged me, or disenheartened me. The place doesn't have the same feel. It's like watching your favorite restaurant come under new management. The first they do is change the menu---then the staff---maybe the decor---and all of a sudden, you don't have a reason to be there anymore.
I am not going to waste my oxygen by lecturing. I am certainly no sole arbitor of poetic truth. But frankly kids, this sucks. I have actually read people saying that poetry does not count---just content. I've heard whines and squeals about punctuation, form and style---and actually read more than one person gripe about "picky". What's so important about punctuation, or spelling anyway? Well why bother using words, if that's your thought? After all, words limit your pure creativity. Let's just grunt---or make funny little sounds that please us!
Someone is missing the point that poetry is a form of communication. If you fail to communicate your feeling, then the whole thing is sort of pointless. They adopted "whole Language" in my daughter's school, and told the children that "now anyone can be a writer".
Oh Balls. Writing is a skill. Poetry is a genre, and once upon a time, it was respected. I reject the notion that anyone who slaps words to paper is a writer, much less a poet. I don't even call myself a poet---and last time I checked, half a dozen sites are carrying my stuff. Big deal.
I would rather have a poem of mine hammered, then hear a dozen people tell me how wonderful it is---because once I get beyond the "OW" of ego, there is usually useful info in the hammering.
This morning, I picked two poems from the subs at random. Forget critique. I counted. One used the word "I" 15 times,
"dreams" 16 times, "of" 15 times, and "a" 17 times... The piece has maybe 250 words total. And 63 of them were either nothing words, or generalities?
I was taught to make each word count. Note---I did not even bother to count the "the's", easily the most often used word in the english language. Do the math. Nearly 100 words of 250 had no content ro speak of. Now tell me again that form means nothing over content?
And for the new people---I have tried very hard to keep the blender experience going. I introduced "bumping" when everyone seemed to run out of juice at one time---made challenges when no one seemed to know what to write anymore.
I have enjoyed writing with, and reading the works of a diverse group---but when new people came on board, they seemed happy to learn---not intent on changing everything to suit themselves.
Grunting is not art.
Emoting is not expression.
And flinging verbal vomit on paper or screen is not poetry, not even prose.
The Blender will go on. It will not make civilization collapse if it changes. But it's the feel of the place that's different.
So Says Gala
Guppy happens to have a remarkable gift---and style besides.
Like Picasso, he knows the rules---and learned them before he decided to invent or improvise.
Guppy and Riggs? You guys rule in my book!
guppy - enjoyed the avenue. especially the line "i've already taken credit for everthing i wished i'd said." (which i probably misquoted) as one who quotes people more often than using her own original phrasing - it struck a chord. as did the rest of it. i'd venture to put it on your top ten list.
slug...thanks, i really liked that line too...just one of those that felt perfect when i wrote it down...you actually got a slightly different meaning from it than i originally intended, but it carries the same, if not more, impact...i was hinting at something along the lines of how we sometimes don't bother to say things that we think...and the taking credit for them part was about how when we're angry, we sometimes just get fed up and assume that everything that should be said is already known...why bother to explain common knowledge?...anyway, your interpretation is easier to nail down, and i like it just the same
gup
Du'Doll~ I loved 'All That I Am'...really heartbreaking, powerfull writing...great one!
Guppy~ 'The Avenue' was really awesome...I really, really liked it!
Michael~ 'Whiskers' was cute...the feet comparison was a little strange, but I liked the rest very much...the end was great!
Anonymous~ Whoever you are, I don't know if you'll read this...but I wanted to say that I realy loved 'Unrequitable' It was amazing...I really loved it, I can't tell you how much...Good job!
Love and smiles, Ali
Angela~ Thanks!
Brian~ Wow...I don't know what to say except thanks....thank you very much.
Michael~ Thanks for the adivce/critque...I appreciate it very much...Thanks!
Everyone~ Ok, I haven't been posting very long...and maybe I shouldn't butt my nose in, but I just have to say something...I love this place...and everyone it...I love it because of how people are sharing, and how everyone writes differently...I don't want anyone to go away, and not post anymore, b/c everybody here contributes something special...and I certainly can't stop anybody from not posting...but I wish I could...because everyone here is amazing...Gala said that there was a different feel here...if there's anything I can do to make things feel better, let me know, k?
Love and hopes, Ali
Ali~ You need to write...I need to read your wonderful, wisdom filled words. Call a rent-a-muse or something.
xoxo
elaina
2 Michael~thank you so much for your comment
and advice!!
2 Deevaa~ "isnt' the sense of smell a strange and wonderfull thing"
WOW
I wrote a poem now like that
Because Those smells on guys
They always have a big impact on me
Good Job!
Man, I'm worried the "Valentine's Issue" isn't gonna be much special, I don't even know what I'm going to do for the ramble or review...
Kirk -- Is it an issue of quality?
Gala,
Well spoken! Thank you for ALL of your submissions and contributions to the Blender Board.
Thanks to everyone else for all the open, honest and talented works found in the Blender.
There are "rules" in writing. Spelling, punctuation and capitalization DO count... and EVERY day is a pop quiz.
Every language has rules. Some of those rules exist merely because of the weight of time and tradition. Others exist and endure because they are neccesary in order to communicate MEANING to the reader or listener.
"Art" IS often about breaking rules. However, an artist must learn what the Rules ARE before she or he can successfully break them. Art is, after all, about communicating -- and sometimes an overly rigid structure hinders that communication -- more often though, it helps.
I've run no spelling or grammar checks on this post. Likely, I've accidentally broken a rule or two. Anyone know a good editpor?
Kathleen,
I pray -- to anything and anyone -- that the person you describe in "my son", regardless of who it might be, will find peace, patience and strength.
-TC
Dee-- I dunno, i just seems like the Valentine's issue should be special or different or something, but I don't
have the energy/resources to really come up with a good idea for it.
TC- Thank you. It may not seem that those two words mean very much anymore in this day and age, but your words were written to comfort and though I am now crying once again I found them to be so. Again thank you.
I would like to say something else while I am posting this, about the conversation that has been taking place lately.
e.e. cummings was a brilliant poet, so was Emily Dickinson. As were many others. Each knew the proper machinations of a poem. Their education was obivous even as they were breaking rules. But when you have to read a line three of four times because someone is such an atrocious speller it takes away from the emotion of their work. They do not do themselves or others credit.
I am not saying that I am Ms. Perfect, far from it. But I know that people sometimes can see things that I cannot because I am too close to see clearly.
Anyway, that is enough of my rambling I am sure. If I have misspelled any words I am sure someone will jump on it.