From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1796">not*about*you</a><BR>
Date: 26 February 2007<P>

A, I too have been in a funky place.  <BR>
Hope all is well soon,<BR>
<BR>

<HR>
From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=8">Ali</a><BR>
Date: 26 February 2007<P>

chris, about <a href="/blend/wv.cgi?id=2007.02.24.18.22.20106">Malo</a>:<BR>
<BR>
Stunning writing, as always.  A pleasure to read! :-)
<HR>
From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1796">not*about*you</a><BR>
Date: 26 February 2007<P>

Ali, and to whoever may be interested on the blender site, I won't be writing anymore... perhaps in the future, i am not sure for now.  This website has somehow, mysteriously, unexplainable to me (if you have any ideas feel free to advise) given me bad luck stroke after stroke.  Although in the beginning i will try to rationalize and make logical sense of it, knowing that after all, it is anonymous, i get this creepy crawling feeling that someone or a group of people read my work, and perhaps, have some sort of thechnological "know how" to match the anonymous name to my real identity.  Although i don't have much to hide, my writing style is personal to me since it is like a diary, and they are not "messages" that i'm sending out to a particular person in hopes that he/she may read it. If someone actually is reading it they may make conclusions that make no sense about me or my life if they don't personally know me like my best friends or husband or family. I don't have a clue as to why my writing would be of any interest to anyone in the world.  For me, it is only a form of creative expression and therapy.  There have been a lot of coincidences in my life everytime i write on here, and although i try to block out those memories, the idea still lurks deep within me -- perhaps it is a hacker or a new one, or one who has hacked me before many years ago that follows me through my writing -- following my thoughts which are not always logical and rational because they are just a free form of expression that may come at any moment, or a feeling that i need to let go of, a memory, an illusion, love that never manifested, lost love, old boyfriends, my husband, my friend, etc., etc., and they are not to be read into with certain significance or meaning to anyone but me. sometimes i write about what certain things and metaphors have meant to me now or in the past so that myself, looking at it on paper, i can analyze and rethink the logic of it all, where it comes from and trace the source of connected and disconnected thoughts in my mind.  An example would be the colors red, green and blue.  these colors mean so many different things to me, together, seperately, etc.,  since 1995-96 (i even have a painting in that title) based on a pet name i had in my own mind for someone i once had a crush on whose name starts with an F.) but i don't write about all the 10-100 different meanings it has to me symbolically and metaphorically because i don't have issues with it, i only write what i am working out inside my heart, what i still don't understand, and the symbols and metaphors i tackle on to things for a reason, or nor reason at all (depends)give me a form of a beginning as i finish my thoughts and evolve my thoughts, in minutes, seconds, days, weeks, months or years. it's true that i had an idea that these wandering eyes of another were linked to another site, so i duplicated my posting to see if there would be a reaction, a sort of test, and the feedback is just very mixed and it doesn't prove anything to me one way or another. although i absolutely adore writing here, and wish one day i'll get over my personal paranoia, hesitation and bad luck feeling, for now i have to deal with my life without writing.  one may ask, why don't i write in a book on my own, and the answer is that the blender gives me a certain inspiration, and reading other works inspires me as well. for instance, sometimes someone will write something that gives me a thought about something else and i'll tackle on to it and create another form of writing all my own. although the likelihood of my "paranoia, hesitation and bad luck feeling" is that it is based on something that is not true, after all, it is technically anonymous, i need to take a long break, for me it is a "death" of a sort, not literally, but the death of this manifestation of me.  all i have is instinct working with me now since i don't have any evidence otherwise, and my instinct says that no matter what username i come up with, someone will figure it out (i don't know why someone would have the need to go the length), and as long as i don't know who that someone is (or their agenda), i rather keep my private creative writings to myself.  i don't mind sharing if it is truly anonymous, but somehow, my instinct tells me, it is not anonymous, some how, without reason or logic to my thoughts. as long as i don't know the agenda of the possible person or group reading my writing based on my instinct wholly 101%, i can not allow my work, an extension of me, to be judged and weighed without understanding what the context is of the person(s), ideas, and so on.  i also don't know if there is ill will towards me and if the person(s) are bad or good.  for example, since my number one love in my life is my husband, i wouldn't want a person(s) of ill will to come to the conclusion that i have a secret lover, etc... and even if it may only be a thought, or a seed, that person(s) energy may be negative and effecting me and my life unbeknownst to me... i am a firm believer in the unknown and spiritual energy, etc... my marriage is a sacred union and i would never want negative energy attached to it.  i hope that i am wrong in all my thoughts.  i don't keep poem secrets from my husband, you see, he knows that i write about all my feelings from my life and gives me that freedom and respect. for now though, although i'll miss you dearly, i have to follow my instinct. i can't find a metaphor, color, form or thought other than "loss" to describe my decision at this time.  if by any chance my instinct is correct, even partially, and i have in any way ever led another that actually knows me (but doesn't tell me they read my work) to feel hurt, frustrated or confused, i am sorry but such informal and creative writing isn't focused on one particular person who is knowingly reading this, and so, it is just mind thought and process, etc... if at any time there is a friend that i have that is not telling me they read my work, and if at all, something is questionable, they should just contact me directly and i would be more than open (that's what friends are for) to share, unless my instinct, instinct divine, tells me otherwise.  all of your writing is great by the way.   
<HR>
From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1796">not*about*you</a><BR>
Date: 26 February 2007<P>

i noticed some spelling errors, not that it matters, but just in case, without capitalizing the letters on spell check, just changing the mis spelled words.  now you have either version!  i know, it's technical... since it is my long comment i might as well spell it correctly... maybe the webmaster will add spell check to the comment portion as well before submitting -- just a hint.<BR>
<BR>
Ali, and to whoever may be interested on the blender site, I won't be writing anymore... perhaps in the future, i am not sure for now. This website has somehow, mysteriously, unexplainable to me (if you have any ideas feel free to advise) given me bad luck stroke after stroke. Although in the beginning i will try to rationalize and make logical sense of it, knowing that after all, it is anonymous, i get this creepy crawling feeling that someone or a group of people read my work, and perhaps, have some sort of technological "know how" to match the anonymous name to my real identity. Although i don't have much to hide, my writing style is personal to me since it is like a diary, and they are not "messages" that i'm sending out to a particular person in hopes that he/she may read it. If someone actually is reading it they may make conclusions that make no sense about me or my life if they don't personally know me like my best friends or husband or family. I don't have a clue as to why my writing would be of any interest to anyone in the world. For me, it is only a form of creative expression and therapy. There have been a lot of coincidences in my life every time i write on here, and although i try to block out those memories, the idea still lurks deep within me -- perhaps it is a hacker or a new one, or one who has hacked me before many years ago that follows me through my writing -- following my thoughts which are not always logical and rational because they are just a free form of expression that may come at any moment, or a feeling that i need to let go of, a memory, an illusion, love that never manifested, lost love, old boyfriends, my husband, my friend, etc., etc., and they are not to be read into with certain significance or meaning to anyone but me. sometimes i write about what certain things and metaphors have meant to me now or in the past so that myself, looking at it on paper, i can analyze and rethink the logic of it all, where it comes from and trace the source of connected and disconnected thoughts in my mind. An example would be the colors red, green and blue. these colors mean so many different things to me, together, separately, etc., since 1995-96 (i even have a painting in that title) based on a pet name i had in my own mind for someone i once had a crush on whose name starts with an F.) but i don't write about all the 10-100 different meanings it has to me symbolically and metaphorically because i don't have issues with it, i only write what i am working out inside my heart, what i still don't understand, and the symbols and metaphors i tackle on to things for a reason, or nor reason at all (depends)give me a form of a beginning as i finish my thoughts and evolve my thoughts, in minutes, seconds, days, weeks, months or years. it's true that i had an idea that these wandering eyes of another were linked to another site, so i duplicated my posting to see if there would be a reaction, a sort of test, and the feedback is just very mixed and it doesn't prove anything to me one way or another. although i absolutely adore writing here, and wish one day i'll get over my personal paranoia, hesitation and bad luck feeling, for now i have to deal with my life without writing. one may ask, why don't i write in a book on my own, and the answer is that the blender gives me a certain inspiration, and reading other works inspires me as well. for instance, sometimes someone will write something that gives me a thought about something else and i'll tackle on to it and create another form of writing all my own. although the likelihood of my "paranoia, hesitation and bad luck feeling" is that it is based on something that is not true, after all, it is technically anonymous, i need to take a long break, for me it is a "death" of a sort, not literally, but the death of this manifestation of me. all i have is instinct working with me now since i don't have any evidence otherwise, and my instinct says that no matter what username i come up with, someone will figure it out (i don't know why someone would have the need to go the length), and as long as i don't know who that someone is (or their agenda), i rather keep my private creative writings to myself. i don't mind sharing if it is truly anonymous, but somehow, my instinct tells me, it is not anonymous, some how, without reason or logic to my thoughts. as long as i don't know the agenda of the possible person or group reading my writing based on my instinct wholly 101%, i can not allow my work, an extension of me, to be judged and weighed without understanding what the context is of the person(s), ideas, and so on. i also don't know if there is ill will towards me and if the person(s) are bad or good. for example, since my number one love in my life is my husband, i wouldn't want a person(s) of ill will to come to the conclusion that i have a secret lover, etc... and even if it may only be a thought, or a seed, that person(s) energy may be negative and affecting me and my life unbeknownst to me... i am a firm believer in the unknown and spiritual energy, etc... my marriage is a sacred union and i would never want negative energy attached to it. i hope that i am wrong in all my thoughts. i don't keep poem secrets from my husband, you see, he knows that i write about all my feelings from my life and gives me that freedom and respect. for now though, although i'll miss you dearly, i have to follow my instinct. i can't find a metaphor, color, form or thought other than "loss" to describe my decision at this time. if by any chance my instinct is correct, even partially, and i have in any way ever led another that actually knows me (but doesn't tell me they read my work) to feel hurt, frustrated or confused, i am sorry but such informal and creative writing isn't focused on one particular person who is knowingly reading this, and so, it is just mind thought and process, etc... if at any time there is a friend that i have that is not telling me they read my work, and if at all, something is questionable, they should just contact me directly and i would be more than open (that's what friends are for) to share, unless my instinct, instinct divine, tells me otherwise. all of your writing is great by the way.
<HR>
From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=35">Star of David</a><BR>
Date: 26 February 2007<P>

JD, about <a href="/blend/wv.cgi?id=2007.02.23.22.01.31292">I'll Stay</a>:<BR>
<BR>
"But I will stay because you ask me to<BR>
Not because there is anything left here for me to fight for<BR>
Not because there is anything left here to want<BR>
But because you reached out for me and pulled me back"<BR>
<BR>
"And make me believe that<BR>
In the darkness<BR>
Of your mother&#146;s basement<BR>
There is something worth staying for."<BR>
<BR>
This piece touched me deep. I am still reeling...
<HR>