We Are Us

By Laura Goodwin, Hps.
"Love is a deep, dark pit."

By the grace of She who binds hearts together, I greet you.

Love is one of the great mysteries of life.  It is great in every sense
of the word, because it is large, a HUGE mystery, and also because it's
terrific, a wild ride at the fair.  At some amusement parks you can
still get a ticket for the "Tunnel of Love"  which is *warning* a Dark
Ride.  What you get is a tame little float on a boat through a dim
chamber that gives you a bit of privacy to kiss and pitch woo.  So it's
a wet ride, too, but misnamed.  Such a ride should be called the Tunnel
of Fun.  The Tunnel of Love should be a huge, wild, wet, roller-coaster
type ride where it's dark unless the flames are shooting at you and
half the time you are experiencing G-forces while upside down.  You
should come out drenched and totally rattled.  Those of you who know
LOVE know what I'm talking about.  Men should faint, and women should
scream, and if you aren't at least -this tall-you shouldn't be allowed
to ride.  (Short folk, show ID!) :)

In ancient times our Goddess worshipping ancestors had a cool idea for
teaching about love and life.  They had a thing called a labyrinth, and
you had to be -this tall- and ready for the rite of passage
(literally!) into adulthood before you could try to walk it.

The labyrinth is not like a maze.  A maze is designed to be confusing
to anyone, but a labyrinth is confusing only to the uninitiated.  A
labyrinth has only one path, into the center and out again, and if you
have a clue on how to follow it, you can't get lost.  It's a matter of
life and death that you use the clue, though. The old labyrinths were
gigantic, deep, cave things, and you couldn't take a lunch.  You had to
go in and come out, or go in and *never come out*. The labyrinthine
paths were no doubt littered with the bodies of the clueless and
confused.

If there is only one path, how could you get lost?  Well, you see,
there was no light down there at all.  A hundred yards in and you were
in dark blacker than night.  You couldn't see your hand or your feet. 
People get rattled by such darkness, they start to see things...things
that aren't there.

Let's imagine that you are a young man of an ancient matriarchy who is
in love and wishes to win the right to marry.  Let's say you have been
told that if you can bring back a trophy of a specific kind, say, the
horns of the Minotaur, that you will be granted the right to court, and
hopefully win, the charmer of your heart, because now you will be an
official man fit for marriage.  You agree, and spend the night before
your ordeal being yelled at by your friends, who don't want you to try
because once you have done this thing you can't play boy games with
them anymore, and they need you on the team.  Besides, isn't it
dangerous?  What about all those guys who went in and *never came out*?
 Who are you doing it for? Her?! But she's ordinary, hardly worth it!

You look to your dad for a clue, knowing he must have succeeded, but he
only smiles sadly and wishes you luck.

The morning dawns remorselessly bright, and you make your way toward
the spot.  Suddenly, your adored lady appears, and she pulls you aside
to whisper in your ear.  "Keep to the left, no matter what!  Keep you
hand on the wall, and follow it!"  She looks you earnestly in the eye,
convincing you of the importance of her words, but when you try to
question her, she runs away.

You report to the tribal mothers and the Priestess blesses you before
the early morning crowd of well-wishers and cat-callers.  Some shout
encouragement: "Stay calm, boy, be unafraid!"  Others, your schoolyard
enemies, taunt you: "If you aren't back by tomorrow I'm taking your
parking space!"  After the ceremony and moments before you begin your
descent, you notice your mother suppressing fearful tears, and the
respect in the eyes of your best friend. 

You begin walking into the cave, and at first the path is wide and
well-lit.  Quickly, the light fades, the shadows close in, and you
stop.  It's dark down there.  Capital D Dark.  Your heart begins to
race, as you proceed into the darkness.  You hesitate, letting your
eyes adjust, but a few steps later there's no adjusting left to do
because there's no light at all.  "Goddess help me!" You think "Can I
do this?"

The girl's words come back to you suddenly.  "Keep your hand on the
wall.  Keep to the left!" she said...  You understand now what she
meant.  You feel your way to the left, find the wall and wonder, "Is
this the left wall, or am I turned around?"  You reason that if it's
the right wall, that you'll soon be out of the cave and in the
sunlight, so you begin to follow it eagerly, half hoping to soon be
blinking in the light.  The darkness only deepens, and in a few minutes
you heart sinks, because now you know the ordeal is begun in earnest.

You trudge along, quickly losing track of time, and you begin to
hallucinate.  It's only been five minutes, but it feels like five
hours.  You feel the turns in the path, and completely lose track of
which way is which.  The floor is uneven and you stumble more than
once.  You have never felt more alone and frightened.  You even
question whether you have kept faithful enough contact with the rough,
slimy wall, which is now your only cold comfort.  All the things the
people shouted at you before you began ring in your ears: "Be
unafraid!" "If you don't come back...if you don't come back....!" 
Everything anyone ever said to you comes forward in your mind, as your
brain rummages frantically through its files trying to produce
something helpful.  Suddenly you remember a weird private joke your mom
and dad share...sometimes they look at one another and say "Love is a
deep, dark pit!" and laugh a strange laugh.  You never got it before,
and you don't think it's funny now.  Then you think of your girl, the
flame of your heart, and her words: "Keep to the left!".  Is she worth
it? Is she worth it?  

Suddenly you hear a sound, faint.  Your heart hammers in your chest,
your mouth is dry from panting with dread.  A faint, faraway sound. 
What is it?  You listen for a year.  You hear your own heart, your own
breath, the blood rushing in your ears, but what else?  You listen for
a year.  You cautiously move forward, the better to hear.  Suddenly,
you sense there is light.  You move forward, and yes!  There is light! 
You can see your hand on the wall!  You choke back a glad cry, because
you think you have failed, that you somehow got turned around and are
about to exit the cave.  The light grows brighter, but there's no smell
of flowers, only lamp oil.  The light flickers.  You turn a corner and
there is a menacing shadow on the wall, something monstrous.  You seem
to have found the Minotaur.

You are nearly naked and completely unarmed.  No one told you the
Minotaur was a living beast!  You thought there would be a trophy
chamber, and you just grab some horns and go!  As you watch the huge
shadow move, you feel certain that you will now die, and you are angry!
 Why didn't anybody warn you, prepare you?  You think, I could simply
turn back, escape, and live to warn others!  But then you think of the
dozens of men you know of who emerged safe from this cave, horns in
hand, who then were richly celebrated and covered with glory.  Still
angry, and also curious, you burst into the chamber of light.

You see immediately that the Minotaur is nothing but a man wearing an
elaborate mask, and you marvel because the chamber is ornate and
breathtakingly beautiful, and the Minotaur's robes are richly,
wonderfully made.  He nods to greet you.  You try saying hello, asking
questions, but he will not speak.  You inform him that you have come
for the horns and ask for them politely.  He doesn't understand, grunts
and turns away, seems in a bad mood.  Well, you didn't come all this
way for nothing!  You reach for the horns, he rebuffs you.  You strive
to take them and he strives to prevent you.  Finally, you attack, a
roar rising in your throat.  It is now a full pitched battle, and if
necessary, you fight dirty, because DAMMIT, YOU HAVE GOT TO GET THOSE
DAMNED HORNS!

There is something familiar about the Minotaur/priest, and you soon
find out why. When you pull his mask away, all fighting stops and you
get a good look at him.  It's your dad.

"Dad!" you exclaim.
"Yes son," he smiles, panting.  "Looks like you got the better of me!"

He explains everything to you now, giving you food and drink to
strengthen you for your ascent.  "You see, son, if that girl of yours
hadn't given you a clue, you could have died down here!"  
"Does that mean she loves me?" You wonder.
"Not necessarily..." Says your dad "But she obviously wants you to
live.  Any virgin of this town could have given you the clue.  I think
it's a good sign that she was the one!"

You then would take the horns and feel your way out of the cave, and
the ascent would be as difficult, but not as unbearable.  Keeping to
the left, you would feel you way toward the exit and sunlight.  At last
you would step, blinking, out of the cave and shouts would go up that
you were alive and victorious.  People would come running, virgin
priestesses would strip you, drench you with water, dress you in a new
white tunic, anoint you with fragrant oils and crown you with laurels. 
You'd be brought to the High Priestess, who would accept the horns from
you, and pronounce you a man before all.  Men of the town would grab
you and bear you away to a night of manly celebrations, pushing your
boyhood pals out of the way.

May the Goddess give you your clue, and may you have the wisdom to use
it.


(copyright L.Goodwin 1995)